Hmm. You've answered your own question.

First, to make a positive change, you are only responsible to change how you act, react, respond, and once you change your response to fit your well-being, their usual response no longer fits and often it gets worse before it improves.

Just because someone says something does NOT make it your problem. It's their problem. Their decision.

Someone is always 'mad'. Is that a fact or a feeling? Feelings are valid and real, not decisions.

Love from afar...or what? What exactly do you want to happen? Write it out, figure out all the options,even the wild and outrageous ones.

Then, sit down and choose how you would respond if it were aimed directly at you. Then pick a way you could do that to help move the challenge along.

Personally, I've taken a huge step back from the 'drama'.

Every time someone asks me for 'help', I ask them what am I doing to 'help'?

That allows them to see what they are asking is not actually what I am doing, they are asking me to take their side in a conflict that does NOT involve me.

If you are involving yourself - then ask yourself exactly what you are accomplishing in the long term goal of 'reducing stress'.

Sometimes, you have to choose between your well-being and peace of mind to figure out that it's not your problem. Never was and never will be.

Yep set boundaries. We don’t have much drama in my family but occasionally it happens. Also my sister in laws kind of get weird with each other which affects my three brothers. I stay out of completely. I don’t care that much and my brothers are the ones to have to deal with it. Not my problem.

I also rarely take sides with people in my family when it comes to disagreements. Like seriously, I’m kind of a hey, love you all but I’m not getting involved.

I also don’t part take in Facebook or other social media with family. That seems to be that start of so many issues. It’s like junior high for adults. So weird.

hello melissa. welcome to the forum.

"detachment" is my most effective tool for navigating my family dramas. backing off and refusing to mediate the family squabbles is not the same thing as loving from afar. it is giving votes of confidence that grownups can and should work out their own dramas. it is caring enough about myself to step back and ply self-care in place of meddling.

but that is me and every case is unique. .

gentle support while you find what works for you.

Some good advice given above. Love from afar, I get what you mean, it’s their battles, and yes, you can step back and still love them without becoming involved.

Yes, I will love from afar, when I try to help, I am the problem. Yes I stepped away from my sister cause when talking to her you have to watch what you say cause she will get mad. I hate talking to people walking on eggshells. But when they want to plan an event, who do they call to get it going, ME. My kids ave realized it now since they are grown that the family is strange and will never come together. I have told my kids, Its just us now. I will not get into the mess that the family has now. I am all about peace, I started to get on medication for this. I was so upset. But I am better now.