My own unmedicated anxiety comes with concentrated pain (pressure) centers inside my cranium. Often they are intense enough to make me wonder if they are causing permanent damage. When I have asked medicos, they shrugged at me and confessed ignorance. Neurology hasn't advanced far enough for clear answers to such questions. While I wonder, I often hear reports of ruined kidneys and the like from long-term usage. Whichever way ya take it, life is a gamble.

Pick one and make it work. For sure, the constant swing between the extremes keeps me forever unstable.

So arfie you are saying you do not use antidepressants at this point, you don’t have to answer if you do not want.

And it’s hard to pick one and make it work.
I hate being on antidepressants so much. They make me feel horrible. And I know there are so many out there. But I have tried a few. I guess this last time was easiest on and off. But while on I had some weird stuff go on.

And upon researching the internet, I have found that left untreated damage can be done to the brain from anxiety and depression.

I just don’t know what to do or what path to take.
I am not in the right space to start up an antidepressant again because it just makes you feel so crappy at the beginning.

So I am lost

I wouldn't dream of telling another adult what to do on matters like this. I am a big believer that the most sustainable solutions are strictly personal and from the heart. Keep it personal.

I'm saying there are pros and cons, problems and solutions to every choice. Allowing myself to over-think and waffle on bygone decisions leads to chaos. Pick one and make it work.

For what it's worth
I've been managing my psych symptoms holistically since 2K, after years of therapy while medicated. The medication helped me establish a more stable emotional baseline to shoot for in the psychotherapy. I believe it served me well. The holistic approach is harder work, but it feels far more sustainable and more deeply healing.

I wouldn’t ask someone else to tell me how to handle my situation.
I sometimes just wonder people’s opinions on antidepressants and success or failure they had if on them.

That gets my vote as the greatest strength of therapy peer support. Hearing other people's experience greatly boosts my confidence in making my own decisions. Feeling safe to ask the questions is priceless, even when I don't get any answers.

@arfie I really am in a state that I do not know what to do. I am having a tough time. I am hoping I didn't offend you at all by my post. I truly like hearing how other people have success.

Have you discussed your concerns with your psychiatrist or therapist and included either in working through the pros and cons? I think concerns about brain damage and what not might be good questions for a doctor vs looking stuff up on the Internet. When I’m anxious and look stuff up on the Internet I tend to focus on the scariest, bleakest outcomes that happen in the most rarest of situations. It just gets makes the anxiety worse for me.

Zero offense noted anywhere in your posts, Marian and return hopes that I have not offended you with my responses. Just trying to be supportive and highly drawn by my personal needs. I believe that good therapy support is mutually beneficial. Your posts are resonating loudly with my own discomforts.

Gentle empathy on those states of confusion. I find my own self highly offensive when I am confused and don't know which way to turn. Why wouldn't other people be equally offended?

Sometimes being gentle with myself and patient with the process is easier said than done. Works in progress. . .

Thank you!
Yes I am just trying to figure things out.
Especially that one day I don't feel that bad, and then the next I do!
So this is a tough one for me.

And yes I should have learned by now that using the internet for answers is really not the way to find them.............

Ugh I check the Internet too at times. For me, it’s kind of a compulsion that kicks in when I’m worried or struggling. I have to fight the urge.

For sure with the internet.
And as I mentioned above. I am now in a place where I’m in the middle. I feel horrible one day the next I feel just blah and then another day maybe weepy. So this is why I am on a place that I don’t know what to do regarding meds.
I do have anti anxiety meds if need be.
I am also mid read of the book suggested to me by Carl James. So I am giving myself time to make a decision if I should start up the antidepressants again.

Letting it be okay that I am confused and giving myself time to decide is a therapy breakthrough for me and still a works in progress. God please grant me patience. NOW GODDAMNIT! ! !

When I can "Let go and let God," the answer always comes to me at Godspeed. When the time is right, the answer will be there.

Yes it’s so interesting. One day I wake up and say I have to start on the antidepressants again. Then I wake up the next day amd im feeling sort for okay a little weepy maybe. (I did just go through the death of my mother and empty nesting). So then I say well maybe this will just take some time and I will start feeling better slowly.
So yes I am a work in progress