Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
So I was stuck home all day yesterday due to a snowstorm. I was in an okay mood until I talked to my best friend. I noticed a few months ago that I am tired of hearing about her boyfriend and all the dysfunction in their relationship and his family. She has also been talking about "my diet" ad nauseum for years. She is either on it or off it. There is no middle ground. I am not really liking her boyfriend these days. He has her smoking pot, eating gummies and drinking a lot. She told me recently that she was hungover at school. She used to have rules about drinking and wouldn't think to drink on a worknight. Also, I think that it's ridiculous that he moved 2 hours away when all of his kids, grandkids and girlfriend are still living 2 hours away from him. he is constantly traveling back and forth and it supposedly costs him $70 in gas and tolls for a round trip. Also, they have season hockey tickets. So sometimes he has to drive 3 times in a week. I guess it's none of my business, really. Recently, she told me that she did something crazy. it was crazy. She drove 2 hours to deliver blankets to him for his grandchildren, who refuse to acknowledge her. She can be obsessive. Anyway, yesterday she was talking about her diet and exercise and her stuff and only asked me one question about myself which was if ShopRite was busy on Friday night. She has been monopolizing conversations about her boyfriend, her son, her decorations (she puts out about 100 Christmas decorations and Easter decorations and a lot for other holidays), her diet and exercise. so yesterday, i stopped talking to her and fell asleep and just didn't feel like talking to her. i feel very unimportant to her right now. So I had a mood swing yesterday that kind of ruined my day. I will admit that i am somewhat jealous that she has lost so much weight in such a short period of time. It took me over two years to lose 89 pounds and it has only taken her about 6 months to lose 70 pounds. She does intermittent fasting. i can not do that. The first thing that i want in the morning is my coffee and at 7 a.m., i eat breakfast. I am jealous that she goes for a four mile walk with not a drop of caffeine in her system. She just bought a size 6 pair of jeans and i weigh less than her and wear a size 10. She says she is a size 8 and i don't know how that can be. Also, i have an extra 5 pounds on me that i am trying to get rid of. So to hear her say stuff about her weight, ad nauseum, gets to me. When i was dieting and she was fat and jealous, she told me to F myself the two times i said something about my diet. So that doesn't feel fair. i might be stuck in the house all day again. My handyman is plowing driveways today for $50 but i don't know what time he will be here. I don't think the gym or Goodwill will be open anyway. Goodwill moved their Sunday sale prices to today. i called the gym and got voicemail. i haven't heard back from anyone. i was also a little upset with myself yesterday. i just bought a coffee carafe. My parents always used one. Recently, i've been looking for one at Goodwill. The other day, I placed a Walmart pickup order and needed to spend more money so i got a carafe for $21 on sale. it is going to save me so much money in water, coffee, coffee filters and dish detergent. Then i realized (aafter 19 years) that my house was drafty and i ordered 2 door draft stoppers from Walmart with free shipping. i could only get 2 max. So I stuffed a thin towel in my kitchhen door which has a wide gap that i didn't know about until yesterday and i stuffed towels in 3 places. i'm glad that i didn't give the towels to the SPCA now. I need them. Anyway, that was part of my somewhat bad mood yesterday, after my best friend upset me. i tried to talk to her about stuff that bothers me at work, i.e. co-workers not doing their jobs, and she didn't have much to add and never asked about them again. i just feel unimportant, which is a theme throughout my life. Yesterday, I did a video of the snowstorm and I talked. i listened to it and I sounded like a cool person and i don't know why i am not more well-liked. i actually had a boyfriend who used to say "Remember Brenda, you're not important". Ugh! i felt that way as a child.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
i find myself incorporating the charming fellow who used to say you're not important. in the monkey mind visualizations, the monkeys have stuffed his mouth full of bananas.
i'm blaming it on the snowstorm. we didn't get enough snow to need our driveway plowed, but it is enough to give me the perfect excuse for swinging with the buddhist monkeys in my mind.
just a snow day ramble. . .
"He has her smoking pot, eating gummies and drinking a lot. She told me recently that she was hungover at school."
As much as you love her and have years of so called friendship, she is an addict it sounds like. Or call it a substance abuser. We can't have healthy relationships with addicts or substance abusers. They are not in their "right minds" and have minds clouded by the drugs and alcohol they ingest.
This snowstorm has been hard on many of us. I found myself waking up yesterday with the big depression again. Been doing well. We get ice first and then a tiny bit of snow so going outside or even driving is not what I am going to do until it gets over 32 degrees F and melts. Too cold to go walk outside although I saw a big man walking a big dog and not slipping and sliding so maybe I should have. Instead I spent the entire day making chili which was really good.
Remember Brenda, YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Tell yourself I have value and worth. Write this out on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror and in the kitchen where you will see it at the sink. Every time you go into those rooms, stop and read the sticky note and mantra. Say it out loud if you need to. In the mirror, look into your own eyes and say this mantra. Eventually, you will start to believe how much you do matter and your own self worth and self value. You matter, dear one.
When my 'friend' decided that what my 'friend' wanted was far more important than listening and working with my 'self', I had to step back.
I agree, the snowstorm brings out the real balance of how folks think, act, and behave with their words, their actions, and their response.
Here's to you! You're important, and folks that say the opposite are actually afraid, because your light shines so bright for the world!
I mean if you broke the friendship off a few times but keep going back, to me that’s about self love and what you are willing to tolerate.
Damn right you are worthy and lovable You just gotta believe it. And when you do, it gets a hell of a lot easier creating boundaries with people who aren’t bringing value to your life.
People who have to knock others down to feel good about themselves are just really messed up people who have shitty lives themselves but can’t bear to come to terms with that.
rmb, thank you! I do like her. I'm just tired of hearing about her boyfriend and son being nasty, her diet, her weight, etc. When i was losing weight, my biggest supporters were my brother and aunt. Then my brother said that i was his inspiration and he lost 30 pounds. So that cushioned the fact that my best friend was nasty about my weight loss.
I love DS! You all are my therapists!