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missing 8 days

garnet01
garnet01
my best friend has been missing for more than aweek at school. she's been dating this guy for about 4 years and her parents are strick in their religion and apon finding out nearly disowned, and threatend to pull her from school to get her married, she's only 17 years old. she was fine last week, and she showed no signs of distress.

she had continued dating him since her parents found out, but kept it more under cover. her sundden disappearance has led me to believe that something really really terrible has happened. i called her house several times and her family wont let anyone speak to her. they said she wasn't available and she wouldn't be in school for another 3 weeks!!!

i dont know what to think, i dont know what to do. i get really anxious and paranoid whenever i dont see her and now, i'm having a fit worrying about her. should i go to the house, say i have homework for her? should i call again? she doesn't have msn, facebook, or a cell phone, i dont know how to handle this?!?!!

any comments would really help me...
Ambrosia6
Ambrosia6
ugh, that's a horrible situation. But, she must be 'okay' if her parents say she will be back in school in a few weeks. But they are being overly strict with her. Have you asked your parents for advice? Maybe you could go over there with them and express your concern and ask to see her. Sometimes with strict parents if you have your parents involved they'll listen to you. Just a thought. It might work.

Her parents don't happen to be from Africa do they? I had a friend with Ghanaian parents and, well, they basically cut me off since I was a 'bad influence', but both of us were 23 years old and all I did was move out of my parents house and wonder if it might be good for her to do the same! It's a different culture, a different mindset, and it can be sticky trying to help your friend and not make things worse by 'threatening' the parents.
garnet01
garnet01
thanks for the advice. her parents are from pakistan. they sounded realy pissed when i spoke to them, they're never upset with me for anything. her sister, who's usually nice, was very rude to me one of the last times i called. i'm just so concerned. they're the type that might hurt her...
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you have reason to believe that your friend could be harmed, please call the police.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow... I'm sorry. That's hard, not knowing.
Wish I knew what to tell you... there so much that can go into a family thing like that.
It's possible you could call the police and ask them to do a wellness check on her... it probably wouldn't hurt.
Sorry you're having to go through all that...
HUGS
mystie
mystie
I feel so sad for kids that have to go through that with their family. They want to live in the country but don't want their kids to act like kids here.
If you fear for her safety, maybe you could call the police. Maybe they can make sure she is okay.
I know close to where we live there was a similar situation and it was not good.
I hope she is okay and will get back to school soon.
bmason
bmason
talk to your parents or one of your teachers at school and let them know your concerns.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey Garnet, Did you ask the parents for more information? If not, try calling them back. Before you do get your self into a calm state and try to not sound defensive or nervous. Call back and say you are her good friend from school and you're worried about her recent disappearance.

As beth mentioned if the parents are aware of the situation it's probably not a crisis.

Take care.
garnet01
garnet01
thanks everyone, i'm going to call her tomorrow and see if i can get anymore information from her parents. i just didn't see this coming and i'm scared for her. i keep thinking all day, whats happening to her right now. where is she at this momment, is she even at home... i'm just happy for the support. i prey to god i dont have to call the police...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Be careful with the police. You don't want to harm your relationship with the family or upset your friend. If they know she is safe but don't want to give you details that is their right. You may have to live with that for now.
garnet01
garnet01
thats's what i think to. what they do in their home is their bussiness, i just wish i knew more. i dont want to envolve the police, i would hate to do that to her, i hope she doesn't need it, because i'm not prepared to do that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Report the family to Department of Social Services.
Ambrosia6
Ambrosia6
There's a major cultural thing going on in this situation.

The parents think they are doing the right thing by their daughter, and in their country, it probably would be considered the right thing by others.

But, she is stuck between two cultures - ours and her parents.

Garnet, maybe you could do some research on Pakistan and the family's religion to help you understand them better. There's probably some major respect for elders we don't have here so much (though perhaps we should ;) ). Anyway, like with the Ghanaian family I knew, I think if you get your parents involved, or some other adults, then your friends parents may be more willing to talk to them and tell them what's going on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is funny how people are jumping to conclusions over the families Pakistani background. The truth may be that there is a very mundane, non-cultural reason the daughter has not spoken to garnet. That's why it's just best to ask before making huge assumptions.
garnet01
garnet01
it's been over a month and a half and she still hasn't shone up or called!!! from the very first week she was gone i had a feeling i wasn't going to see her again, and now i think that may be what's happening..

i dont know what i should do. i know i cant call the police or anything i cant go over there. what can i do to cope with knowing i might never see her again?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You can call the police. You can talk to the principal of the school. Just for the reassurance. And perhaps even the protection of your friend. If all is found to be well, then great. But her not going to school is a big deal. And not knowing if your friend id alright is a BIGGER deal. Do it.