i have a busy weekend ahead. my old geezer bones are aching in anticipation of the exhaustion i will feel tonight after the long day of fall festivals and kid antics. anticipation is one of those psychoticks that tends to be more exhausting than the actual events. plying therapy tools. . . today's read from "hope for today" is resonating as worthy of reinforcement. typing it out and sharing here helps me remember better.

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serenity? what's that? for years i was like a weather vane that spun around according to the air currents that other people generated. my husband criticized me, and i lost my serenity. my boss became upset, and i lost my serenity. before therapy, i attributed these mood swings to nervousness, lack of self assurance and whoever else occupied the room at the time. serenity always seemed beyond my control. i was convinced i needed quietness to feel serene, so i retreated to my room and napped frequently.

today i don't need to withdraw to quiet places nearly as often. i don't need to run away from life. sometimes i can even stand in the middle of a frenzied atmosphere and let it swirl around me, while i remain unaffected. i can tell myself to hush when my mind enters the muddy waters of "what if." i can sit still in the present moment and feel grateful for the sound of rain falling on the roof and for the loving dog curled up next to me. in my gratitude i experience a serenity that i never knew before.

where does this serenity come from? it comes from trusting that everything in my life is exactly as it should be. i feel it when i apply a slogan rather than panic about something. it comes from when i choose to care for myself rather than fix someone else. it surrounds me when i seek god's will in prayer and meditation and know, once again, i am not alone.

thought for the day

i am powerless over many things, but my serenity is not one of them. today i know that sanity and serenity are the gifts i have received for my efforts and faith.

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i still find it hard to believe that the death of my 35 year old son which ushered in the need for me to raise his 3 children is as it should be, but? ? ? small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.