between the grief stirred up by the third mother's day since my foster kids became orphans and the rejection i wrote about earlier this week, i remain lost in a psychotic fog. at present i am doing an egg-shell waltz with hubby. i don't much blame him for hating it when i get this way. i don't believe it is possible to hate ^it^ more than i do. ^it^ is even less fun from the inside, babycakes.

today's read from "courage to change" is resonating as healthy food for thought. 

begin quote

i spend more time with myself than with anyone else. wouldn't it make sense to put some energy into making that relationship as fulfilling as possible? another person cannot prevent me from feeling lonely, but my inner emptiness can be satisfied. i can come to value my own company. i am a worthwhile companion.

one of the illusions shared by many of us who have been affected by mental illness is that only another person, usually another mentally ill person, can fill that empty place within us. if only he were more attentive. if only she got sober, if only they were with me now, i wouldn't be lonely. but many of us remain just as lonely even after those conditions are met.

today, when i am by myself, i will know that i am in good company. when i stop expecting others to meet all of my needs, i find new and exciting ways to enjoy my own friendship. and when i do get lonely, i have the comfort and support of a higher power who never leaves me.

today's reminder

today i wil spend some time exploring the most intimate human relationship i will ever have -- my relationship with myself.

"what a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be" ~ellen burnstyn

end quote

my personal favorite definition of friend is somebody who knows all about me and likes me, anyway. can i be my own best friend?

today i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. gee. . . why did folks call me "bipolar" before PTSD hit the mainstream media?