Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
i just signed a contract to sell the touristy slice of urban paradise i have dubbed, "the toxic mom throne" at a considerable loss over what the house would sell for in prime condition. on the profit side of the sale, it would be well worth the effort to make the needed repairs myself and sell at market value. yes, i am fully qualified to do so. pn the psych side of the sale, methinks, "the toxic mom throne" covers the challenges. my life in that urban paradise was fraught with all the stresses and trauma of winning the toxic mom honors. the "toxic people" fad has been over for long enough to offer some clues on how long the house has set under the pall of my disregard. there is nothing there worth having in my heart. the dollar loss on the real estate market feels like the smaller price to pay, especially since the adult child (43) who awarded me those toxic mom honors has caught wind of the sale and re-entered the fray with his entitlement claims.
today's read from "hope for today" is resonating loudly with me. just sharing. . .
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growing up in an alcoholic family, i did not escape without experiencing various forms of abuse, including sexual abuse. by the time i came into psychotherapy, i felt like a victim and i had become an extremely angry, resentful person.
whenever the subject of forgiveness came up in therapy or in literature, i shut it out. i thought resentment would prevent me from ever being hurt again. it took some time in therapy and a lot of work learning to love myself, before i began to understand that living my life under the heavy burdens of rage and resentment was hurting me. it affected every relationship i had, including work contacts, friends, family and social acquaintances. i knew it was likely to color future connections as well, yet many of the people i resented weren't even alive. i surely wasn't hurting them! however, in my vehement determination to no longer be a victim, i held the hostility that perpetuated my pain.
once i realized this, i experienced a spiritual awakening in the form of a deep desire to let go of those feelings that were poisoning my life. i accomplished this with extra therapy work, praying, sharing and working with the people in my peer support network. thanks to therapy, i gave up my bitterness and regained my life.
thought for the day
today i see forgiveness as an action i take to love myself more fully.
no one ever found serenity through hatred. ~anon
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i still can't love that high dollar loss on the sale, but i am grateful to close the book on "the toxic mom throne." i am fully qualified to do the work, but there's no shortage of work to do here on the farm with the three children who are still young and cute.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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This scenario plays regularly across the entire world as estates are worth so much more when 'fancied up'. The people who did NOT struggle to own the real estate all have their hands out for the top dollar signs they are 'entitled' to. The time, the labor, the funds, the process of selling, add to the process length.
There is no 'right or wrong' in moving through this type of decision. Peace over dollar signs, easy choice.
The time and energy and stress on the lovely little children you are privileged to raise and who love you back.
You call it the high dollar loss on the home but I am going to challenge this. In order to make more money on this house, you will have to spend a great deal of money to fix it up. So you aren't really losing money, dear friend.
It is not lost money if it takes spending money to gain that additional sales price.
You are actually cutting your losses. Emotional and financial losses.
I've fixed up homes myself and had a huge mold remediation last year. The stress and the time and energy are grueling.
You may not be able to sell a home that is in poor shape for "top dollar" but you can sell it for what it is worth. Market Value is ONLY what someone is willing to pay for it. So you aren't losing money, you are saving money by not fixing it up and selling it as its market value.
I consider this practical and wise.
Flippers will often pay a low price and then fix it up. Maybe $150,000 to fix it up to be fancy and sell for top dollar. I know these prices as I have had to redo everything the flipper of this house did not to code or without a shower pan, etc. etc. Sigh. Then add in the mold. This house of mine is just a money pit but we live here for now. Next stop, senior living place.
We have terrible, low quality wood flooring from a box that the flipper put in. I hate it, it looks terrible, scarred, ugly. I wanted to replace it. At that time I got a bid, $10,000-15,000 for the entire house replacement -- SMALL HOUSE. Means removing furniture, moving out for a few days/a week, dust clutter cleaning. This type of flooring lasts 5-10 years so we'd have to replace it again to sell. My husband just said no, he wasn't up to doing it and then having to do it again to sell. This is probably the most money conscious decision, very practical. Sometimes we have to be practical because our bank accounts, stress levels, anger, depression, stress, anxiety, etc. all matter. Sometimes it is better to accept what we can't change and all that. Let things be what they are. Your emotional wellness is more important than trying to be perfect in fixing up this house.
thank you for the words i was looking for, mid. "peace over dollars." today i am investing in peace. may the investment pay great dividends.
i'm reminding myself that, "NO" is a complete sentence.
offering explanation to adult child entitlement demands only invites uncivil negotiation. no means no. end of subject.
All any other words invite is more uncivil negotiation without any way to end it.
healing hopes for all. no exceptions.
today was the first wake-up since i signed the contract. taking the financial loss is still a painful thorn in the ointment, but moving on still feels more important. anywhere but there.
to quote yogi berra -or one of those dead baseball dudes- it ain't over 'till it's over. the closing process still has to complete. the waiting is the hardest part.
Getting out from under a money pit house is a good thing. Houses lose value, they gain value. Relief from the stress and not causing those little loving grandkids more stress if a beautiful choice, arfie.
Must be something in the planets, as I have been ruminating about why my adult children can't have healthy, loving relationship with me. Why I have to set limits on them. Giving you a gentle hug for the hurt momma bears we are deep within.