I was recently prescribed xanax due to the intense anxiety I've been experiencing since the death of my grandmother, my grandma-mom. She's the one who raised me. Anyhow, yesterday I felt inspired to take a pregnancy test seeing as I am late, and some of the somatic symptoms I've been having are similar to those of early pregnancy: blurred vision, shortness of breath, nausea, etc. To my surprise and delight, it was positive! I actually felt like I was getting a little gift from god, maybe even became slightly delusional in my thought process. I showed my husband the test, and he was extremely doubtful of the result, as we are active and smart in our strategies to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. Also, the act has been quite rare the last couple months. He bought me another, and it was negative. I did some research on false positives and discovered that they were quite rare. We decided to retest in the morning. My husband was distressed and dismayed at the thought of another mouth to feed. I was quietly excited and hopeful but became increasingly doubtful throughout the day. I read later that benzodiazepines can cause HCG levels to rise and can unltimately result in a false positive. I mostly rejected this. I only take one quarter of a .25 mg pill 2-3 x per week, and I have only been taking them for a couple weeks. I also called a pharmacist, and he told me that he had never heard that benzos can result in a false positive. Long story short, I took another test this morning. BIG FAT NEGATIVE. Getting a little delusional in my thinking again, feeling like God has played a cruel joke on me. There are so many other explanations, but still, I am left with little hope yet again and increasing anxiety. The thought that is playing over in my head is, "I hate my stupid life. I have nothing to look forward to." I know this is not true, but it's so hard to stop the thought when it really gets going. That's why I'm writing it here. Thanks for reading.