I don’t think your mother is intentionally fat shaming you I just think she’s concerned about your health. Good to hear from you.

welcome back m&m. you have been missed.

excuse me while i go winnie the pooh on you and drone, "oh, bother. . ."

when i feel drawn to interact with people who i can count on to set my teeth on edge, be it with rude comments or some other quirk, i **just** expect it and work with what's available. i don't repress, but i don't let the irritations stop me from doing what needs to be done. coping mechanisms are available.

one example from my personal herstory is a niece who hates cigarettes with a blinding passion. when she was at her meanest, i greeted her with, "hello niece. yes, i still smoke." getting the inevitable criticism out of the way first thing eventually broke her of the constant criticism habit, with me, at least.

Talk to your mom about how her comments are making you feel. Even if it doesn’t help at least you’ve tried and she knows how you feel. Avoiding her is making you feel bad and probably her too.
She might be having some anxiety about your health. No excuse for her to be harassing you every chance Let her know how it’s making you feel and that the constant comments aren’t helping.

Hi Eminem! Good to see you! You can say something in a gentle way. No one wants to be fat shamed let alone everything you see or hear from the person.

Does your mom bring up your weight because of health concerns or because she is obsessed with being thin? Either way you can tell her how she makes you feel and tell her to stop. If she is worried about your health she could always phrase things differently.

You also can't have good times with her if she constantly makes hurtful comments and you just sit there and take it. At some point the hurt and frustration will boil over. The only way to a healthy relationship is to address this issue.

Hi, good to know you're doing well, and I'm going to follow Arfie with m & m, I think that you have several options in managing the words connected by your mom without having conflict with her individual choice of those words.

I chose to not enter conflict with a family member over some words that were painful for me, but usual for them. I picked a statement of response that provided me with positive conversation and as Arfie mentioned, eventually, the person stopped with that particular topic.

Address that particular elephant in a way that shows you are you.

Your mom says it...., is her problem, not yours.

Here's to success in moving through this pattern of words. You are loved, valued, appreciated, and we support you!

When people criticize us, we naturally feel defensive and even get angry. Mom is trying to control the situation and her own shame, or guilt, or whatever, by criticizing you. Reminding you of the things you already know. I learned a lot going to Al Anon because I always thought I could motivate my alcoholic loved one to stop drinking by nagging. Only makes them feel less than which makes them drink more.

Look up what is called the illusion of control. We fall into the illusion of control by nagging our loved one. We think the nagging will work to fix them. It can also be codependence on our part to think we can fix someone else.

I would suggest you write a letter to your mom, and do not send it. Just write out how you feel about her constant criticism and anything else that hurts you. It is about YOUR FEELINGS, not about changing her. Don't send it. Write it and revisit it in a week or a few weeks. What new knowledge do you have about yourself and this issue? Then go from there, what do you want to do? Call your mom and tell her some of the points in the letter? A phone call is better, much better than a letter or email or text. Avoid those. What about taking that letter, shredding it or burning it, and letting the little tiny pieces blow in the wind while you say "I forgive you mom" and "I forgive myself" and then let it all be released.

Your mom's feelings about your weight are not your burden to carry. If you can release this burden from your emotional backpack, it will help. You matter and your feelings matter.

Big hug sweetie.... I am so sorry that you're being hurt over and over again.... I am going to come at this from a different way

My father often treated me like crap.... He could be really nasty and cruel.... I don't know how your mom is coming at you??

Do you think that she's meaning to be cruel or could it be that she's lost one son and is afraid for you??

I know that it doesn't help even if that's how she's feeling

The reason that I wrote about myself is that I wished I had talked to my dad before he passed about how I felt and how much it hurt

I feel like I've been left with a lot of unresolved issues that a conversation or two may have really helped

Whatever you decide I wish you peace

I have heard a couple of people say and I try and work on this for me... It's none of my business how other people feel about me

When I look at it like this and it takes effort.... It sort of toughens me up if that makes sense

Big squishy hug.... xo

I try to work on “what other people think of me is none of my business” as well. It’s really hard to practice that mindset with people we are emotionally connected to or where there is a lot of personal history. But I try and it does sort help me not internalize comments of others.

I think the thing with someone’s weight is that it is sooooo much more about the literal weight. It’s such an emotional issue. So when someone makes a comment, even if it’s seemingly benign in their eyes, it cuts to the core. When someone carries extra weight, they are living in their body day in and day out. They KNOW they should lose weight. So to suggest someone go in a diet just reinforces this sort of self loathing.

Your mom’s comments are her issue, about her feelings and her perceptions, not about you. Your own feelings and reactions about your mom’s comments are about you. Sometimes sorting out what is within your control and not helps make the comments feel less personal.

Hi EminemFan87, I am very sorry to hear your mother is saying those hurtful words to you. People say hurtful things all the time but might not mean them. My word of advice is to try to sit down and have a conversation with her about the subject. Even if you have done so already, let her know how her comments make you feel. You can tell her that the pressure she is putting on you is making you more reluctant to go on a diet because it is making you stressed. From there on, she might ease up on you and try to form a healthier relationship. However, you know your relationship with your mother better than anyone else, so approach it from an angle where you think she will understand you. I sincerely hope that you can continue to make memories with your mother and not let this ruin your connection.

I'm in a similar boat. I gained 100lbs on my bipolar meds and mom tells me often I need to watch my diet. SHe did, however, help me revamp my wardrobe so i have clothes that not only fit, but flatter my bigger body.
I encourage you to talk to your mom about how she makes you feel when she comments on your weight. If you never say anything how will she know how she is hurting you?