Coronaville seems to be altering quite a few idiomatic expressions in my vocabulary. Most recently, I find myself using the words "Increase your social distance, please" where I used to speak of "Detachment" and/or "Back off, asshole."

This morning I received an email notice of a "Meet the Teacher Night" for my two elder foster charges. Pre-K and 2nd grade. Masked and socially distant, of course. In my first parenting career, I often spoke of "Getting my mask on" for such events. Ya need a different game face for school than you need for Grandmother's house. Here in the first back-to-school of my second parenting career, I still haven't figured out WTF a child playdate is or how to use parenting apps and the isolation of Coronaville have skewed the back-to-school yaddahs to even more bizarre shapes and novel idioms. What language are we speaking? This morning's email notice triggered me to fearful trembling at the very thought of putting on a literal mask to mingle with with the maskites at a socially distanced affair. I wasn't very skilled at the old world social distances. Maskite social distances remain a phobic mystery to me. I'd rather go party in a rattlesnake den.

Do we have a "Social Distancing For Dummies" book yet? Six feet isn't anywhere near enough social distance for my senses unless it is six feet down. 1/4 mile to the end of the driveway, mighty mask.

Vent, vent, gnarl, gnash. . .