Dear Anxious Self,
I know things seem to be spiraling out of control and it feels like theres no way out. I know youre stressed over money because you cant physically maintain a regular job like most others your age. You get perceived as lazy and looked down upon by many, even though youve tried several times but just cant manage it. It doesnt make you lazy that you cant stand for more than a few hours before your legs give out. Remember what dad said, If its out of your control, then dont stress about it. Theres no point in getting worked up in something that you literally can do nothing about. Have you tried? Then let it go, let it happen. It is the way it is, and no amount of panic is going to make it any better. So with that in mind why are you letting yourself get overly depressed about the fact that you cant have a standard job like everyone else. Why do you need to be like everyone else? You dont. You never needed to be like everyone else and you never should be like everyone else. You get so upset that everyone wants to fit you into this tiny box of their expectations, but its only bothering you because thats where you too are putting yourself. Why? You know you dont belong there. You have never fit into anyones expectations and thats what makes you so amazing. While everyone else was striving to get into that small box, you used to be the one happy to be living outside of it. What happened to that girl? So you lost some friends because they didnt want to deal with you and your illnesses that they couldnt justify. So what? Do you really need or even want people like that around you?
So you have a lot of health problems. So you didnt start college immediately. So youre going to some wildly expensive private college. So what? How does any of that impact how you are as a person? Why is any of that reason to lose a friend? Its not. Those werent friends, those were people. People too busy fending for their own image to stop and take a hand reaching out to them. Well its their loss. Theyre not going to bear witness to the amazing feats you will overcome, but instead they will bear witness to the epitome of loneliness when they reach out a hand to someone and no one will be there to help them just as they werent there for others. Its sad, and I dont wish it upon them, but theres nothing I can do about it and theres nothing you can do about it except hope that they learn sooner rather than later. Truly and honestly, they are the ones doing worse than you. They may have all the money in the world, but money cant buy a phone call in the middle of the night to a friend who can make it feel as though they are right there with you even if theyre miles and miles away. You know the comfort and relief in knowing that someone will answer your call, and for that you are very lucky.
So listen to my words of advice. You cannot maintain a standard job because you are not a standard person. You are not meant to stand at a counter for hours on end; if you were meant to then your legs would be fine. You are not meant to have so many friends, you were meant to have a few who are so close and reliable you cant help but be thankful for them. Lastly, you are not meant to bear so much unhappiness. You are meant to accomplish the world in a way that others could never imagine. So dont keep upsetting yourself by applying to jobs you know you cant maintain. Dont keep putting yourself into that small box in which you will never fit. Find your way of working and making money. It doesn't have to be a lot. Go back to drawing and selling it online or set your sights and write you book. Im not saying its going to be easy, and Im not saying youre going to be rich, but this is what is meant for you to do. Life blocked your entry to the standard journey, so find another way. And just think to yourself, did you really want to go through life the same way as everyone? Nothing about you will ever be normal, and that is why you are destined for greatness.

I realized that at the end of the day the person I was reaching out to was really myself. I needed to accept that this is me, and that there's nothing wrong with that. I recommend writing a positive letter to yourself. It really hits those points deep inside you that you need to address and when you do, well it has to be one of the best feelings ever.

-love and support to all