Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I have several (5) anxiety disorders - everything from panic attacks to PTSD to general anxiety disorder, and more. It is really REALLY taken over my life, espcially in the area of being totally phobic about germs. I really only realized what was going on about a year ago, and, until, I don't know, maybe 6 months ago, I didn't realize I had these disorders. I've been trying to get better, but it is SO HARD. I have made some baby steps, and, I suppose that even admitting it and becoming aware of it are steps, but...
....but, at times, I've felt frustrated with my slow progress. It doesn't help that I have a totally insensitive room-mate who thinks it's appropriate to say, on a regular basis, "Are you all better yet?", and imply that I should get better instantly. Um, these disorders, which stem from chidhood sexual abuse, and were triggered, later, by events as an adult, have taken like a lifetime to develop! They're not going to get better overnight. She is really rude, and keeps implying that my entire problem is that I "don't go out enough". Yeah, pretty hard to do when she is on the phone 99 percent of the time...how can I call anyone and have a social life?
Anyway, yesterday seemed to be some kind of breaking point for me. I mean, in a good way.
Yesterday, I had a total panic attack about a germ-related thing...and I was already terribly anxious about some other health things I'm obsessed with. I called my boyfriend (who is amazingly supportive and who I am so grateful for), and he helped me calm down, and, I don't, I think maybe something clicked in me, and I took a bigger step towards getting better.
What happened is that there was this germ thing I was really afraid of, and, usually, when something like that happens, I jump into the shower. But the book I'm reading says that behavior like that isn't good, because it is an avoidance thing - instead of feeling my fear and anxiety about germs, I go and have a shower, and therefore avoid my feelings and never deal with things.
So I didn't have a shower. That, for me, is amazing. It was so hard, but it was also liberating....it made me feel that maybe, just maybe, I don't have to be so over-reactive to everything; it made me feel like I WILL CHOOSE how to deal with things instead of letting my disorders dictate when I shower, how many times I wash my hands, etc.
It felt like some voice in my head said, "okay enough is enough!". I know I still have so, so, so very far to go. But this felt like a good step. It made me wonder: is this how we get better? By doing really hard things? By not avoiding our fears? I think its part of how we get better. I know that many, many of behaviors are not normal at all and that I am obsessed with germs and that this is ruining my life because it takes up all my life...
...and I used to think that getting better would FEEL better,but, for me, I think it has to get worse before it gets better. I have to act like a normal person, and not jump into the shower, and it is really hard, and there is no other way to do it. We have to do the things we think we cannot do...and we will surprise ourselves when we can do them.
....but, at times, I've felt frustrated with my slow progress. It doesn't help that I have a totally insensitive room-mate who thinks it's appropriate to say, on a regular basis, "Are you all better yet?", and imply that I should get better instantly. Um, these disorders, which stem from chidhood sexual abuse, and were triggered, later, by events as an adult, have taken like a lifetime to develop! They're not going to get better overnight. She is really rude, and keeps implying that my entire problem is that I "don't go out enough". Yeah, pretty hard to do when she is on the phone 99 percent of the time...how can I call anyone and have a social life?
Anyway, yesterday seemed to be some kind of breaking point for me. I mean, in a good way.
Yesterday, I had a total panic attack about a germ-related thing...and I was already terribly anxious about some other health things I'm obsessed with. I called my boyfriend (who is amazingly supportive and who I am so grateful for), and he helped me calm down, and, I don't, I think maybe something clicked in me, and I took a bigger step towards getting better.
What happened is that there was this germ thing I was really afraid of, and, usually, when something like that happens, I jump into the shower. But the book I'm reading says that behavior like that isn't good, because it is an avoidance thing - instead of feeling my fear and anxiety about germs, I go and have a shower, and therefore avoid my feelings and never deal with things.
So I didn't have a shower. That, for me, is amazing. It was so hard, but it was also liberating....it made me feel that maybe, just maybe, I don't have to be so over-reactive to everything; it made me feel like I WILL CHOOSE how to deal with things instead of letting my disorders dictate when I shower, how many times I wash my hands, etc.
It felt like some voice in my head said, "okay enough is enough!". I know I still have so, so, so very far to go. But this felt like a good step. It made me wonder: is this how we get better? By doing really hard things? By not avoiding our fears? I think its part of how we get better. I know that many, many of behaviors are not normal at all and that I am obsessed with germs and that this is ruining my life because it takes up all my life...
...and I used to think that getting better would FEEL better,but, for me, I think it has to get worse before it gets better. I have to act like a normal person, and not jump into the shower, and it is really hard, and there is no other way to do it. We have to do the things we think we cannot do...and we will surprise ourselves when we can do them.
You are absolutely right in knowing that getting better takes time.....you didn't get this way over night and it will take time to get better.Keep focused on getting better at your own pace instead of someone else's expectations.
Anxiety, phobias, and panic feed off negativity, so limit your time and energy with your room mate.
Are you working with a therapist? The things you are trying to overcome run deep (I too am what most call a "survivor"....but I choose to be called a victor).
I thought I'd never be free of anxiety/panic attacks and PTSD, but have followed a few ppls advice here and am finally free of anxiety/panic attacks. I had to work hard and all the time to free myself of the insanity. Now I have to continue my work in order to stay on top of the mountain :)
The woman who gives free advice on overcoming anxiety/panic attacks is Adventureguide.....she will probably be along or look for her on other posts and friend her.....her journals contain the steps to freedom.
Also LuckyEmpathy has great insights and is a friend to all :)
Being a survivor herself, she has paved the way in how to deal with childhood traumas :)
You are not alone and I encourage you to come here as often as necessary to get support and the help you need.
Welcome ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
I understand your frustration with your roommate. My mother is like that. She is always asking me "Do you think you will be working on this much longer?" It is soooo annoying. Every time she asks I have to explain to her that healing takes time and there is no deadline of when I 'should' be done. She doesn't get it. Not sure she ever will. But my husband understands and that is all that matters. Just like you with your boyfriend. I am so glad he is there for you. It makes a huge difference to have someone in your corner.
Congratulations on not taking a shower! I know that had to be difficult. To answer your question "is this how we get better? By doing really hard things? By not avoiding our fears?"... Yes indeed...that is exactly what helps us to get better. It is called Exposure Therapy and it does help. It's a matter of exposing yourself to the fearful event/item/germ over and over and sitting through the anxiety until one day, there is not anxiety. You become desensitized to the fearful item and it becomes 'safe'. I usually use the example of a person who is afraid to leave the house. What this person would do is, every day, multiple times a day, they would step outside their door. This will create lots of anxiety and the person will likely go back inside immediately. The goal though is to keep doing this for longer and longer periods of time and feel all the anxiety. In time the anxiety will decrease until eventually stepping outside the door is no longer fearful. That is when the person would take a few steps forward and start all over again. It's a lengthy process but it does work. So as you decide to feel the anxiety about not taking a shower and continue to talk to yourself (which is a very important part of all this) telling yourself that you are safe and that the germs can not hurt you, you will succeed in reducing/eliminating your anxiety. You are doing great! Keep up the good work! (sorry if that sounds condescending...It's not meant to sound that way. )
Take care
The best one I've found for this sort of thing is to draw concentric circles - the center one is small but big enough to write in. Then draw a circle around that - also big enough to write in. And draw several more circles.
Circle #1: Inside the inner-most circle write down those things that give you zero anxiety - think place, activity, how you feel - and who is with you (those are biggies for me but think of your COMFORT triggers as well as anxiety triggers).
So the inner most circle might say "at home, in bed, reading, feeling well rested, partner at home."
Circle #2: The next circle is things I feel a tiny bit of anxiety with but things I can do most days with enough support. Maybe I don't have much anxiety going to the grocery if it's a sunny day and I feel well rested and healthy and I'm with a safe person.
Circle #3: The next circle out includes things that cause a bit more anxiety - generally that's 3 parts comfort zone, 1 part outside of comfort zone (for example, I feel great, I'm going somewhere familiar with a safe person but the weather isn't sunny).
Circle #4: The next circle out is 2 parts comfort zone, 2 parts outside my comfort zone.
Circle #5: The next circle is 3 parts outside my comfort zone but perhaps I go with a friend or take a xanex or use some other comfort measure.
Circle #6: And the last circle is completely WAY out of my comfort zone and I don't have any comfort measures or they may be taken away (like if I fly, they may take away my security item like a bottle of water, etc.).
Your chart may be different - with more or less circles, etc.
I use my chart to plan my day.
If I feel pretty badass, I might choose something from circle #3 or 4. But if I do that, I take a few days off after to be completely in my comfort zone.
At one time I felt I should be in my comfort zone before I attempted something super challenging but I find I need to build up. Going from circle 1, to 2 to 3 to 4. Then taking a few days to be super comfy.
On a bad day when I'm tired and the weather is bad, two of my comfort zones are already out, so those days I might just recognize I"m pretty darned badass just hanging out at home and getting things done around here.
And that's a thing too - recognize your badassery! As anxious people we feel we're weak and scared but it's just the opposite. We face our fear - more than fear really - terror - every single day. How strong are WE to be able to do that?
For me, I believe the important thing is to succeed more than to push myself outside of my comfort zone. My parents tried exposure therapy when I was little and it made my anxiety far worse. People kept saying "but you did it? See? It's not that bad!"
Well, it's not about doing it. It's about doing it and not feeling anxious. I'm not afraid of anything except that something will trigger my anxiety. So for me, it's vital that I have as much success as possible. To do that, I err on the side of less anxiety provoking situations.
But my chart helps me a lot. Not only that, I can look back on old ones (I do a new one each year) and see my progress. Helps me to feel that I AM improving.
Good luck!