Hello there. Thank you for sharing and opening up. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and I think the majority of people who have one have the other as well. Acknowledging that you have a problem and reaching out for help is a great first step. Are you seeing a therapist? While sharing on a message board is great, there is nothing like have one to one help in a "real world" setting. When I was your age (I am now 50) I was very ill with both depression and anxiety, but mostly severe anxiety. I self medicated for a long time with alcohol, and finally got appropriate help in my mid 20s. A combination of therapy, sobriety (necessary in my case but not for everyone) and medication helped me immensely, and I am now 50, have been an emergency room nurse for 2 years, and raised two sons, ages 15 and 19. Over the years my condition has waxed and waned, with the last few years being challenging again as my body changes with age, but I have always known when to ask for help and as a result have had a wonderfully fulfilling and meaningful life. I promise you that I felt every feeling that you are now having, including thinking death would be better, but that is part of the mental illness talking and is not the real you. I hope that you are able to access good care, as it makes a world of difference. I'm sure you will receive other responses, but I just wanted to chime in and let you know you are not weird, you are not alone, and it will get better.

I just re-read my post and see I said I have been a nurse for 2 years, that's supposed to say 22 years! I mention that because before I got help I could hardly leave my house and now I've been working in that environment for decades. The right help makes all the difference.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. I have a lot of very deep wounds that have been left opened. I dont feel like I am worthy of anyones time or help. Which has left me to get worse.

Broken things can still be beautiful. I have an antique teacup that's gorgeous! It has a small chip on the rim, but I have tea in ot every day, admirenit, and think/wonder about all the hands who held it before. It's not perfect, but it brings me joy and comfort.
You, too, are still worthy. Still bautiful. Still capable of bringing someone joy and comfort. (Hug)

Welcome aboard, friend. Nice to meet you. I’m glad you’re here and I appreciate your willingness connect with us.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I know it’s not easy to go through anxiety and depression. They’re very complex issues that deserves personal and in-depth attention. Are you seeing a therapist/counselor? I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the strength and help you need at this time. Sending prayers & hugs your way!

So sorry you are having to deal with this. Each alone is hard enough, but it is not uncommon to have both. I'm glad you called the crisis hotline. This is a great place to find like souls, but please consider a treatment plan. It might include a counselor and possibly a doctor or psychiatrist to assist with appropriate medication if necessary. The negative feelings are probably from the depression. Focus on positive things, like you said you were not ugly. That is a positive. Getting job interviews is another. Try to work yourself up to an interview, then back to work, etc. Keep on keeping on. And prayers for peace.