I rolled our family car over today... and I broke my pride. 

First ket me say that I am very luck. I had my seatbelt on, and it did everything it was suposed to. I was hanging from the seat, but I waslked away with just a few bumps and bruises so I know I am very lucky. 

That does not make me feel any worse about destroying a family car. 

Here is what happened. My daughter was sick today and stayed home from school. I had an IEP meeting for one of the kiddos I work with early this morning, so I asked Jen to stay with Clara until I gothome. Should not have been long. But it was a long meeting. I would give you details, but lets just say that schools do not always understand that behaviors can be produced because of children feling like outcasts so making a few simple accomodations to help them feel more like other children and not such an outcast. 

So leaving the meeting, I got a phone call from a mom asking if I was going to be at their meetig at 10am. Today? Yeah. I have in my book it is the 27th. ... so I called the insurance company. .... nope today 10am... So I told them we could call in for the meeting and I headed to the family home to dod the meeting with the mom. Because missing these meetings means laspe in services for the child and no one wants that, so I was willing to do what I could to make this child's services as smooth as possible. I called the mom back, told her the plan, and explained that I would make sure that everything got done and tuned in for the meeting by the next day. .....

Then I waited for the insurance company to call as I drove .... fast ... to thefamily home. As I drove, I know the insurance company would ask treatemnt dates, so I had to figure out what 26 weeks from the last day of the current treatment period, so I reached formy puse and calandar book, but I couldn't reach it. Then I decided I would have to pull over to get it, so I removd my left hand from the wheel to hit the turn signal, and started heading for the burm. What I did not predict was that there was a log perpedicular to the road that lazy people had cut right at the yellow line after a storm. So as I started to pull over, I hit it... and the back of the jeep jumped. 

I am not used to driving our jeep. I usually drive the van, but the van was having break troubles, so since I drive more than my husband, we switched cars till we had the money to get it fixed. Since I am not used to driving the jeep, when the back of it jumped, it scared me because it startd rotating around one way, so I tried to compensate. Well, of course I over compensated, and over we went. 

I watched as if in slow motion, my husband's tools fly by my face and out the front window, shattering it. the car rolled hitting the driver door on the ground, then up and around, and another half rotation before landing on the roof. Since my left hand was ff the wheel, it banged off the driver door, and we thought it was broken... it looks bad, but it turns out it is fine. My first thought was to turn the car off, but I was disoriented and couldn't figure out where the ignition was, so I left it running. I then pusshed myself up so I could unhook the seat belt and crawled through the driver side window. Looking back, the window was so smashed down, I am surprised I fit. 

I then stood there in shock - looking at all my office papers scattered everwhere, and everything else - not knowing what to do. Then I heard it. My phone started ringing. They were calling me for the meeting.  I amswered the phone, said I just wrecked my car and we would have to reschedule. Then I texted the family to let them know... I didn't know what to say. "I just wrecked."  I then tried to call my husband, but stopped, realizing he never has his phone on him at work, and not having his new work number in my phone. I called Jen home watching the kid, explained it to her briefly, and asked her to look up he number and call her. 

There was a big van - like a personal wheelchair van behind me with an  older gentelman. I ran up, and he told me he was on the phone with 911. Then I started picking up papers. My office is my car. in my car I keep my client folders. Each folder has confidential matterial realted to that child in it. I began ranning all over the road picking up papers. I only had one show on. I'm not sure what happened there. people began stopping, yelling at me to sit down, and I kept explaining that I had to gather up my paperwork because it was medically confidential matterial. It was only after the ambulance showed up that someone understoof and they laughed at me for worrying about hippa over eveything else. 

So I am so scared now. Why? Money. With matt being out of work for a year before we moved, than losing his job after we moved... sonce he has a new job, we are finally getting back on our feet. and what did I do.. total the car. Not just any car... I totalled the car we were going to give to my step daughter for her birthday. Happy Birthday - I wrecked your present. It would have made a good first car, and we were going to get a different one... in Feburay. instead... I will have to figure out how to afford one now. 

No only that, I don't have health insurance. I couldn't afford to keep to keep paying the $300 a month and still pay 100% of all my bills. It saved us money to not have health insurace. Besides, matt's work will be providing us all with health insurance as of the 1st of december. And, I already have 2 emergency room visits that I am trying to pay off. 

Any now I don't have a car so I can't go to work. 

Please pray for my family ... and my sanity. 

I'll let ypu know how much I hurt in the morning. 

:) Susie