You are running on empty. It wasn’t the fight, but it didn’t help things either. You already answered your own question, you are an over achiever. At some point the mind starts trying to tell you to slow down, but you didn’t. Now it has caught up with you as severe anxiety. If you are in therapy, you need to take the therapist’s advice. Slow down your schedule or take some time off to reflect on whether it is all worth your health being compromised. It will not get better until you make changes in you. What you’ve been doing is not working, your anxiety is proof. Depression is often called anger turned inward, and anxiety manifests with a lot of anger too. Meds can help if you can get past the side effects “honeymoon.” They tend to lessen the longer you are on them. Your choice. If things get too tough, there is no shame in checking into a treatment facility. There are a lot of treatment options available. Talk to your therapist about them.

Some of the reasons many people don’t think therapists are helpful is they don’t really listen to the therapist and recognize suggestions therapists make ( guilty myself). Another is that they think just talking is the cure when it is not. It is being open and honest and listening to suggestions the therapist gives and practicing as asked. They can lead you to helping yourself, but you’ve got to put it into action. They can’t do it for you. You have to be proactive in your own treatment.

I agree with @mtd. You are doing too much. You said yourself you are "unhealthily ambitious".

What good will it be when all this overachieving just makes you sick with anxiety, stress, you have to go to treatment facilities.... all for what?? Your health has to come first. Everything, yes everything, else can wait.

Being Type A or an overachiever isn't for everyone. No one else really notices or cares that you are being some big overachiever. But it can and will take a toll on your health, both mental health and physical health.

Slow... way... down. Talk to your therapist about how you can find a better balance in your life.

Hello Lizzi. Welcome to DS. Sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

How radically did the pandemic marshal laws change your life? Change is always stressful, even when the changes are desirable. The global changes of the pandemic management were quite radical in my world and those resulting changes have spun off another pandemic of sudden onset anxiety. So far, yours is sounding like a classic case. On many levels, my lifelong anxiety disorder feels like a blessing because at least I have some clues what to do about the added-on stressors of the global chaos inside my own skin.

Or? ? ? Who knows? The human psyche remains a mysterious place. The experts are listing the mental health pandemic as a side effect of The Virus, itself.

Keep venting, Lizzi. Your own answers are in there. Gentle support while you sort. Welcome aboard. I hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

Lizzi
I have been on this forum a lot lately. Many great people to vent to!

I read what you wrote about the D1 athlete thing.
I just wrote in one of my "rants" about my child being a D1 athlete, but you know what, enough was enough. The treatment that was given at the school was poor and the politics was unbearable. We have no connections, anything done he did on his on to get where he is. I must say I am proud of him when he decided he had it, and transferred out of the school and now is going to a very good academic school playing the sport at a lower level.
At first I thought he would regret it in years to come, but now I think the opposite. I think the pressure was too much and so many years was put into the sport and trying to get to that prestigious D1 level that it takes its toll.

Continue to talk to your therapist. And I agree with the above remarks from others in that too many years of the overambitious would probably cause a lot of anxiety.

Best of luck to you. Do not give up. Keep fighting, keep writing, believe me I know it helps.

I have literally joined here a week ago and cannot believe the caring people!

Welcome to the Anxiety Board at DS.

You've taken the important first step in writing it out.

Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, to let go and release those feelings that need to be balanced for our improved well-being.

There is nothing wrong with having the goals you mentioned. There is necessary 'release' activities to be added to allow your brain and body to rest naturally.

The pandemic paused 'normal' for everyone, thus bringing the anxiety awareness to the front burner everywhere.

Therapy has a treatment plan. The difference is knowing the evaluation, the choice of treatment, and short-term goals as well as the long-term goals. "Talk" therapy is as important as medical therapy.

Anxiety is natural. Anxiety is a helper. When it becomes overloaded attempting to keep balance, then it becomes a process to find the 'normal range' for your well-being.

When it comes to physical altercations and the left-over changes that result in lack of communication, it becomes a part of every moment. In order to heal the body and brain, take time to stop, pause, breathe, repeat until clear-headed. This will help you to find the balance to heal the hurt, and move forward instead of staying 'stuck'.

Writing in a journal daily helps to sort through the thoughts, words, images, emotions, feelings and releases them from floating freely in your mind.

Best wishes as you find your better balance.

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you are struggling. Sounds like you are a go-getter and push yourself to your limits. I am that type of person too. However, we often get to a point where our minds and bodies don't agree and then we have a melt down, which tends to manifest in the form of depression and anxiety. It is good you are in therapy and are trying medication. It took me over a year to find the right medication and counselor. The combination of the two helped me. I also learned that being a perfectionist is hurting me, and I had to learn to let go of the control. It is good that you are journaling and aware of your triggers.

Letting go of the control was a big help for me along with positive self-talk. Here are a few techniques I use that help. I hope you might find some of them useful.

1) Become aware of what you need through self-care and personal nourishment. Take time for yourself - you are worth it. Like taking walks, baths, massages, mani/pedi/, listening to uplifting music/sermons and anything that makes you feel refreshed and renewed.

2) The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I matter, I am special, I am strong and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting.

3)The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.

4) Emotional Freedom Tapping - Look up the actual pressure points that you use, but you tap on those points while you repeat positive uplifting things to yourself.

I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless

How are you doing? I have been praying for you. Hugs