Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I have been married for quite awhile. And I don't even really know how to explain it. But I'm happy but I'm also miserable at the same time. I mean that he's a great person and I love him. But now, it almost feels like a habit saying I love you rather than actually saying and meaning it. And I have a feeling he's the same way with it. Like, I don't think we are genuinely right for each other anymore. We don't really have a lot in common anymore. It feels like he doesn't respect me or value me much anymore. He'll be making jokes about me or to me, and they are funny at first. But when I ask him to stop because he has taken a joke too far. He doesn't stop and just keeps going. I'll have an opinion about something and immediately I get dismissed or made fun of. And I'm not a very touchy person and I don't appreciate being touched or grabbed at very much. But anytime I'm trying to do something, he is just grabbing either my boobs or my butt or anything else. And it's just uncomfortable. I don't just grab at him. I know he's a touchy person and I understand that. But it's like he doesn't care about my boundaries. And I've tried talking to him. And he will change for maybe a week or two and then it's right back to where he was and worse. Like it's getting to the point where I just don't want to be around him because he won't stop just grabbing at me or he's upset and trying to guilt me into sleeping with him. And while I have a very high sex drive, it's just diminished with him because he doesn't even try to pleasure me. He's always making sure he's done and that's it. I've talked to him. Tried to get him to try new things that will maybe help and he doesn't. (I'm just ranting so I know this is a little all over the place.)
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
First, you are responsible for what you say, do, react, and respond. You are NOT responsible for what he says, does, reacts, and responds. When you change your usual response, his usual response will no longer fit. It will probably get worse before it improves.
When you notice the changes, you have to choose what is more important, your well-being, or what you're willing to compromise on.
You don't want to be touched in a negative or mean pattern - then make your response fit what you're willing to accept and keep working on the distance physically in the moment to find your better balance.
There's a big difference in being touched positively and the reward for that is worth the effort to improve the balance in the touching pattern.
Rather than respond with words, choose action and step back, stop, pause, breathe, until you are calm and able to do thinking clearly.
Being made fun of is common in relationships. It's how people deflect their actions and feelings. I have responded to "I'm just joking" with "there is some truth in what you are saying" and then stop. The first few times I did it, I got some strange looks and words and then the more I did it along with some other things, it slowly changed the direction of the conversation to a better balance.
Take the time to write in a private journal every day to sort through your feelings, emotions, thoughts, words, actions, and you'll see the pattern that you can break one step at a time.
It's well worth the effort, determination, courage, and bravery to put your well-being first.
Best wishes as you find your better balance.
As my own 41st anniversary approaches, my marital relations are functioning at especially high levels, but it took us quite allot of cycles through the proverbial washing machine to accomplish that. When we go through cycles such as what you describe here, we take some space from each other to get more solidly in touch with our individual strictly personals. Having a life of my own I sincerely love makes it much easier to love my hubby just as he is. Live and let live.
But that is me and relationships are even more unique than individuals.
Gentle support while you sort your own, Blondie. If marital love was easy, our global divorce rate wouldn't be what it is. It is far easier to marry the one you love than it is to love the one you marry. Keep venting. Your own answers are in there.
With jokes, you probably need to hit back. If he makes smart aleck comments, give him a comeback, so its 2 minute Charlie talking about love and marriage . Perhaps with the touching, carry some grape juice or coffee and now time it happens, accidentally spill it on him.