Hi. This does sound very unnerving and I'm sorry you are going through this. It is important for you to understand, and to repeatedly tell yourself, that your happiness or unhappiness does not determine the outcome in any situation. Your thoughts can not change the outcome of any situation unless it is a situation you are directly involved in.

The way you are thinking is the way a child before the age of 6 would think. I am not saying this to insult you but instead to point out that something may have happened that was very traumatic to you prior to the age of 6. In this case something bad would have happened to someone you loved, either a person or pet, and you thought that your own thoughts caused this person to be hurt or die. You see, prior to the age of 6 we think that everything that happens around us is either happening to us or caused by us. A child of this age, who thought something bad about someone (I hate you. I wish you were gone) would think that their own thoughts caused harm to the person they were thinking about. This, of course, is not true.

I, of course, am not a Dr. and would suggest that you begin working with a therapist to help you figure out why you are thinking the way you do. It could be as I suggest above or it could be something completely different. A good therapist can help find the root cause of your thinking and can help you work out a strategy to combat the thought process you are having.

Take care

I feel that way sometimes too. It sucks you can't afford therapy. I understand that! Could you find a support group locally? Or go to a NAMI office if you are in the US. They have good resources and free services.

Hi Impalablack,

First, I just want you to believe me on this....your thoughts have absolutely nothing to to with the outcome of others actions. Thinking alone has never....and will never....change the past or the future of anyone else but you. You control the way you think. It may seem difficult right now to believe that, because why on earth would one purposely think negatively and have scary thoughts about one's that you love....right? The reason you think this way is because you have developed a habit of negative thinking for some reason or another. You are stuck in a pattern that automatically thinks the absolute worse is going to happen....and when it doesn't happen you misguidingly tell yourself that somehow you were responsible for the outcome. Your brain is not registering that the outcome would have been positive without your thoughts also.

Changing this thought pattern and breaking this habit will take a little bit of work but can be changed and overcome. I had these same negative thought patterns and worried constantly. I even had issues with rituals that would keep people in my life safe like getting the laundry out of the dryer before the light went out....haha.....(I don't know how the light on my dryer was suppose to keep anyone safe but in my mind it did...haha)! This is obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) which is just another form of the negative thinking habit but also adding in an action to stave off anything "bad" from happening.

I have a list of tools you can use to help yourself overcome this situation on my journal page....if you friend me you can access them. I have been free of anxiety and depression for over three years now and have a week by week explanation of how it is done.

Really finding a therapist that works with CBT will be very helpful also and really it is not at all scary. Just realize at this moment everything is scary for you until you actually do it. Nothing is ever as scary as our mind make things out to be. Anxiety can make us very creative this way...haha.

My best to you!

Dear ImpalaBlack,

I know what you mean. I used to worry about everything and everybody all the time thinking my worrying would prevent bad things from happening. Well, it doesn't, it only make you sick with useless worry and causes anxiety.

There are things that we can control. Things that we are directly involved in where we can take a certain action to influence the outcome. Then there are other things - good or bad - that will happen regardless of our actions or in-actions.. Worrying about everything prevents nothing. It just drives us crazy.

I read wonderful book on this subject that I think you would enjoy. It is called "The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You" by Robert L. Leahy.

Here is an excerpt. "You wish you didnt spend as much time worrying as you do, but you just cant seem to help it. Worrying feels like second nature. Its what helps you solve your problems and prevents you from making mistakes. Its what motivates you to be preparedif you didnt worry, things might get out of hand. Worry protects you, prepares you, and keeps you safe."

Have a worry-free evening.

Hi there. I don't have access to a therapist at the moment, either, so I've been using books to kind of do cognitive behavioral therapy on myself. I don't think you need a therapist to work through it on your own, but it might be a little harder work and require more concentration.

I've read When Panic Attacks by David Burns and I've started Mind over Mood. I like Mind over Mood a little better, but reading David Burns's book was very informative, too. Both of these books address multiple forms of anxiety and depression, from panic attacks, to OCD, to social anxiety, etc.

All of these problems are closely connected to negative thinking and the idea is that you can change your thoughts (i.e. your thinking habits) you can change your mood.

I hope that helps.

Hi everyone thanks so much for responding :)

I am actually having a pretty good day with my anxiety (the day before a work day too which in itself is very surprising and good).

@LuckyEmpath thanks for your thoughtswhat you said does describe the way I feelI am not sure if there was something when I was that young, nothing specifically stands out. And I have memories as far back as 2 years old. But there could bemost of the things that have traumatised me and I think they really did, happened in my late teens and early, early 20s.

@WorldofBlah4 I am actually in AustraliaI did use a free service once but you only get 3 sessions and I found it didnt help that much. I cant do it again eitherand I just cant get my social anxiety under control enough to try to find something else.

@AdventureGuide What you say does make so much sense and I do know that what I do isnt really helping BUT I am just so scared to stop. It's like a safety thingI guess it is very ocd. I am so scared to stop I will add you as a friend thanks. And thanks for the advice it really was helpful.

@BusyBee11 It does feel good to know Im not the only oneand also sad because its not a nice way to live. Thanks for the book recommendation. I will try to track it down.

Thank you all!!!

Hi @JudyFZ thanks for your reply too! I think you posted the exact same time I answered. Thank you for the book recommendations I will try to track them down too.