Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
So my anxiety level is high today. Today marks my two year wedding anniversary. This is should be obvious for most... the anticipation of dinner and celebration. My husband said he thought is was best we get divorced about 3 weeks ago... he said we weren’t happy and it was just too many bad days vs good ones. I refused to accept that and told him you don’t give up on the one you promised to love forever. That he owed it to me and to is to do whatever he could to repair whatever damage we have. Things kind of stagnated the week after that. Then my husband had to unexpectedly go see his family is Texas last week.. his brother was not doing well. I think it was good for us to get a break. We finally are feeling slightly “normal” again... he comes to kiss me goodbye in the morning. He says he loves me ... but we still aren’t ok. Anyway, I got out of work last night and decided to go buy him an anniversary card and a small gift..when I got home he asked why it took so long and I told him I had to make a quick stop :) I asked him “do you know what tomorrow is?” He played dumb.. hmmm he says is it payday? It’s the first .. it’s Friday... he never did acknowledge that it was our anniversary... so we went to sleep ... this morning he kissed me goodbye and I said “happy anniversary” and he said “happy anniversary” and left. My old habits would make me start getting upset because he didn’t do more or say more... I would throw all my expectations at him and ask him why he didn’t say it first... but I am trying to be different and I know that only pushes him further away. And then to top it off I have to leave town for a trip tomorrow and I’ll be gone a week and a half ... so tonight is it... it’s our anniversary and it’s our last night together before I leave and I’m feeling so extremely anxious because I’m afraid of how I’ll react if he disappoints me. What if he doesn’t do anything? Or try to make dinner plans? Or get me a card? What if he just conveniently forgets? I have decided that I’m not going to push for anything. I will let him do or not do whatever he wants. As for me I will give him his card and gift and try to not build up my expectations. That’s one of our biggest problems is that he says everything he does is never good enough.. that I always ask him why he didn’t do more or say it this way... so tonight I’ll let him do whatever is in his heart and if he doesn’t do anything then I’ll know I have to start letting go. I’m so afraid ... all I want is for him to come home with flowers and a card and tell me he loves me ... so simple and yet not simple at all
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Rocking you gently and crying with you, JJ. Hope healing happens here.
And, listen to the words, the actions, and your response.
You are responsible for what you say, do, and how you respond. What this does is help you to find what works to make you feel better and be more comfortable in the moment. The more you practice this, the easier it will be to find what works when you make a positive change.
I will share this about anniversaries and our expectations. I can see in your writing (which is an important first step in healing) that you and he have already reached the "line of definition-and it's different from what either of you expected".
Write out what anniversaries mean to you. This is private and for your eyes only. Put every last feeling on paper so you know what it feels like.
Then when the air calm and you are breathing naturally, pick the most important thing about anniversaries that matters to you above all else.
Take a moment and assess all the things you've written here.
You're more than just anniversaries in your relationship. You're more than just ... and it's really valuable to remember that when you find yourself wanting "normal".
We celebrate quietly each year, and then pick an activity we want to do to do later on in the year to appreciate our relationship. We changed the way we celebrate our anniversary as it was getting in the ... high anxiety range and as noted, it's one day.
Hope this helps. You are not alone. Best wishes!
My wife and I are coming up on our 9 year anniversary. However, our first two years were very difficult! I considered leaving and I said the word divorce more than once. You know what made the difference? Number one was prayer. My wife was praying for me because most of the problems were my fault. Second, my wife never stopped loving me. She was kind to me even when I was a jerk. I fully believe that if she had responded to me in the same manner I treated her we would have gotten a divorce. However, she was patient and kept loving me well.
The last 7 years have been great. I needed to change and grow up. I challenge you to do what my wife did for me- honor your vows no matter what. Do your best to speak kindly even when you are not spoken kindly too. Give love and respect even when you feel unloved and unrespected. It can make all the difference! Praying for you guys!
I know of a couple who experienced a similar situation, but they both chose to remain committed and are now happily married. I have heard them say that loving and forgiving each other, even when they don't feel like it, has helped tremendously.
Is there a married woman you know who totally supports your marriage that you could talk with about this? Maybe a close family member or a woman your friends with? In my experience, people who have experienced similar situations like mine offer incredible advice and help me see things more clearly.
Praying for you and your marriage.