You are doing well because you are trying and seem like you will continue. Try paying more attention to everything someone says or does and focus on talking about those things. You attention to them should eventually overcome feelings about yourself and make you more popular which will have its own rewards.

Wow I think we are sisters haha; I know exactly what you mean. It feels like everyone is stairing at you when their not or they are but like shes so weird stair (Not You Me) I have the worst habbit of fidgeting I do not know where to place my hands how to stand or anything i'm so akwardand another thing is that my anxeity is so high I cannot stop smiling; I smile so much be the end of everything my cheecks hurt so bad you would think I talked the whole time :) oh and I talk a lot too sometimes and I dont even know if I make sense most the time. But I'm trying myself to get out of that shy habbit, but for me its hard because my problem is my brain I over think thingd I want them to like me so bad that most of the time im either to friendly or a smilely Face the whole time. :) And another thing tht is a hugr problem for me is that I will not talk to anyone first they have to talk to me first and thats where I mess up and over think things what if they dont like me or brush me off ect ect horrorible habbit. Because one of my closest friends that I met in college; said that excuss my language lsnguage she thought I was a "Stuck Up Bitch" because I always sit in the back conner anywhere and never talked and it was because out of sight out of mind. It was a mircle she said something to me first me first or we would not be as close as sisters today. Makes me think how many grat friendships I couldve had if I would have just said hi? But keep working at it, and im doing the same and if you ever want to talk im here anytime. Takecare
Have a Great Day!

I follow a Rule of 3 Minutes of Talking then I make myself be quiet and give someone else a turn. Then I make sure to really Listen and not just to Respond again but to HEAR what they are Saying. Its difficult with Anxiety and Racing Thoughts but with Practice it Helped me Stop motor Mouthing in Public and People liked me better in Conversation. Here if you need an Ear.

You guys have really made my day! gave me a feeling like you actually understand and I'm not going nuts! I would do the three minute rule but everytime I try to time myself my anxiety takes over and I forget to ask a question and I know most of the time Im not making sense. I met for a playdate after I wrote this yesterday and read somewhere to take a magnesium supplement. I was trying really hard to slow my speech and only tell a story. sometimes I did well but sometimes I didn't. I still left beating myself up for talking too much and not asking enough questions. Here is the other thing--so my husband has been on me about asking too many questions in the past and you don't want to be rude to ask things that are not your business so.....I talking about myself and daily politics or life and try to not ask too many things that are about people because he has instilled fear of being to "nosey". why am I so anxious...damn men!

Thank you mnm2016 a (and I will gladly return the favor)

Husbands!! I know they mean well, but....
The best place for you to start off is at playdates. Or try & set one up for just you & 1-2 other kids, so it's a smaller group. Playdates are good, because you have the kids in common. Come up with a list of questions that you have ready to go along with your short response- How do you like the school? What school will you send your kids to? How do you like living in the neighborhood? Are you new to the neighborhood? Do you have a babysitter you like & could recommend? Family nearby? Do yours kids play sports? Do you have other kids?
Really the best thing is to ask a question & let them run with it, with you listening & responding/commenting on 1 thing that they said. That way it seems like you are starting the convo, but you aren't doing most of the work.
I think once you find one person you feel comfortable with, then you can add another.

My goodness I know exactly what you mean! It drives me insane and I feel like I am just spurting stupid things constantly and I can never shut it off. If I'm around people that I'm used to, then I'm normal and just talk like myself. But if I'm rarely around you or you're brand new, I never shut up, even with that voice in my head saying "YOU CAN STOP NOW!" Like today, I had an interview (within the same company and the boss and I used to work the same positions together, but I don't communicate with him very often), but, I am pretty sure I ruined my interview because I just could not stop talking... So, you're not going nuts by any means! But... if you find a cure could you let us know too?? LOL! I really feel for you because I know the strain, pain and just overall exhaustion and embarrassment of it.
I have kids also, but do not do very many play dates except for those who are friends of MINE that have children as well... Something I should probably work on but have not had the guts to do. My son turns 13 in two weeks and I am already panicking about his birthday party...
I pray everything smooths out for you and that you're able to find a healthy coping skill that allows you to feel better in such situations.

thanks you guys! I will trial and error with your advice and let you know how it goes! thoughts are with you also!

I've developed a kind of warm smile and being quiet. I learned this down in a tiny little town at a job where we were all a bit repressed; the ones who seemed to get on were VERY quiet. They were listeners. They were there to listen.

I find it hard to listen in an anxiety attack. I do a lot of nodding, I have no idea what the fuck they're saying, I can't retain it. I am always amazed by people who remember stuff about me months later. I have learned I have to watch myself because someone can tell me their dad just died of cancer and I can be nodding and smiling until it sinks in... and I hope to god it sinks in because it just as well might not.

Luckily I haven't had any real severe attacks in quite some time. they have ebbed as I have got better.

why are people from small towns unable to give people chances. like they don't want to "get to know them they just want dirt on them to gossip. I grew up in a small town outside of a city...I didn't know my neighbors, we didn't chat with our neighbors but we would be cordial and polite and assist them if needed but that's about it. everyone kept to themselves because our lives are in the bigger "towns/city". I guess some would call the town I grew up in an "Overnight Town". so then I moved to a city but married a farm boy who lives an hour from a city and we live outside (on a farm of course) of a small town where friends have been established for years. I try my hardest to fit in (9 years and counting) and nothing....Im not even asking for daily convo or weekly hang outs but it would be nice to go out with adults like once a month. my husband has a lot of friends but they respect he is a hard-working introvert and could see people once a year. Hell he comes home and doesn't feel like talking. I try to respect him but not seeing people all day (other than my 2 small children) and then he works 6:30am- 10pm and I have no family or friends here. It gets to me. I have suffered with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. I have been pretty good at keeping my anxiety under control by keeping as busy as possible.

I don't know...maybe I should just face the music and stop dreaming that I will be able to make friends as a grown woman. Maybe I just need to feel this punishment of being incredibly alone all the time and call it my sacrifice for my children. People have it a lot worse and I just want to feel wanted...

Hello, all of the advice that everyone is saying is really good. Like the three minutes of talking from Darkprince. That is really good and when Djchurn said to listen when to others were talking and then add to what they are talking about. The three minute of talking is great because you can force yourself to speak for that long. I really like that and then every now and then you add to what they are talking about. I am also very shy, my parents will yell at me all of the time when I do not speak up. We will be in restaurants, out with friends and I will not speak up. I know what you are going through. Thank you Darkprince for telling us about the three minutes of talking I am going to use that. I hope this can help you daisymom.

Daisymom you sound like me but you're wrong, as I was. There are so many ways to get involved. You have to keep getting yourself out there and keep overcoming the anxiety until it just leaves town.

You have children. so volunteer at the school. become a library monitor or join the PTA. Go to church adn go to the craft classes &c that they put on. Take whatever lessons there are. My experiences of small towns is that someone's always trying something new. It might be glass casting or belly dancing. Could be tap dancing or japanese flower arranging. You never know what it's going to be, but join in.

Get involved in your school galas and fairs.

What i found in the small town I was in was (and I only see this looking back) a large group of displaced and miserable women who were quiet, kind, gentle... and didn't put themselves forward. If i had been then what I am now, I would have arranged lots of events. Even if they were 'hey everyone come over to my place to watch the latest movie' and nibbles. i would not have been so afraid of rejection because I would have realised they were suffering from anxiety too. I see, looking back, a LOT of shy people. It wasn't me, it was them. And I never realised.

Daisy, sounds like youre definately dealing with anxiety, but possibly not all out panic attacks...right?
If so...sweet! Makes a huge difference in dealing with the issues.
To begin with, u gotta find the right approach for YOU.
People on here are really trying to be helpful, but its so damn different for each of us that we gotta find our specific technique.
Hell, some on here are telling u to not ignore it...and then telling u to jump right into society and social gatherings!
Sounds GREAT...but take it from someone whos been dealing with it for over 35 years...it doesnt work like that, and anyone who claims it does...is full of shit!
Sorry to be so harsh sounding, but with my experience its the way it is.
Trust me...just go at your own pace, little at first, then you will find your OWN niche to get back to society. Dont go joining 10 different social clubs and groups, go slow and pace yourself!
You will be fine...we all will, we just got to learn the pace.
Maybe look for groups to join like:
American couch testers.
Lab experiment test subjects.
Potato chip counter.
Jarred jelly bean counter.
...just kidding about the above groups. Its just amazing how some try to help by advising an agoraphobic to jump into society, when thats the whole issue that causes the problems. We're all trying to help each other, but some of our advice is so damn ridiculous its sad.
Go slow, and it will fade...trust me.

thank you chordman. ill use your advice for sure. I appreciate everything that you all have said. my social anxiety is just a small part of everything that is going on in my life. I use to get panic attacks a lot...sometimes the smallest trigger and I instantly cant breathe, I would spend countless hours in the shower on the floor trying to calm down.. I cried a lot. its been a while...its like they stopped for a while...I hope for good. worst feeling ever. I think my anxiety originally was anxiety then it developed into depression. I work really hard to get out of it....then life happens...and some how my coping skills must suck...actually I know I care way to damn much about other people that I want to help and fix them and they want my help but it seems they want me to do it for them...I start coaching them and cheering them on and then nothing....I figure out I have wasted all of my time and loved them all too much..when I need someone or the fact I just spent too much time and too many years helping all for nothing...they just don't want to help themselves and I take it personal...I am bitter....I don't know how to stop caring cause I think out of everything that is the root of my problem.