Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
we've been attempting to repurpose our old farmhouse. way back in march, it was my project. 4 months later it has become hubby's project and the "we" is mostly an honorary pronoun. this is nowhere near the first time i've sat on this proverbial bench during this 45 year relationship. honey gonna do what honey gonna do in honey's own time.
waiting is not my strong suit. my attention fissures manaically while i'm waiting on just about anything. in the case of a 45 year relationship, the wait can and has stretched out for years. sitting on the someday shelf while honey does whatever he's busy with this week is psychotic break country for this beaten crazy bitch wolf. over the course of coping for 45 years, i've psychopated into what i am currently calling, "the honey do drift" where i drift off to other dreams while honey gets around to doing whatever he's gonna do. by the time honey's do has coalesced far enough to have a place for me, i find myself unable to get interested in his rendition of the dream.
this very farm is one of those spots. i felt potentials here. honey agreed, but? ? ? i had enough time to tour the rivers of the eastern half of north america and buy property for a research while honey took those potentials at the speed of a honey do. it was concern for the welfare of these children which brought me back here far more than faith in the newest honey do binge.
i'm fissuring, big time. my feeling won't be hurt if nobody understands my verbal vomit. if nothing else, the venting is cathartic. today i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. i'm all over the map. feeling honey done. . .
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
Is there anything you can do to go around the work he is doing or not doing to finish the project?
when i attempt to reach around my big man to take my back my projects, we end up with all manner of ugly games. my best coping to date has been to "let the boy have the toy" while i drift off to other dreams. that particular drift ended with living in different states. since the arrival of our three orphans, the honey do drift has a stiffer price than when it was just the two of us and we didn't have much to talk about, anyway.
the good news is that we are learning how to talk about ^it^.
If you are taking too long, could he be actually helpful in finishing X?
Many men are action oriented and want to solve the problem for their spouse/partner as a loving, care giving way.
Last weekend, I decided we needed to add more color to our white and gray rock bed alongside the white walls of the house. We just painted and changed color of the wall. It wasn’t right all white and pale gray. I added some brown and black, rocks. It was so-so. I found small pebbles in light pink, green, red at a store and that finished it off. Like speckles of color. You have to look hard for the colors so it blends in.
My husband wanted us to dig out all the white and go totally another color. I was matching white walls and beige/pink concrete. I had to say thanks for the idea but no. Now it looks great. If I say so myself. Mostly white and pale gray with some speckles of the colors. It finally flows correctly color wise. Husband meant well and was trying to help but I had a vision and goal.
I didn’t want him to take over and he procrastinates more than any other human on earth. Plus, he’s a perfectionist and can’t see!
in living fact, i would love to feel free to ask my hubby for help. he is 6'5" tall. the man can hang a ceiling rafter flat footed. my 100 pound frame has helped me master brains over brawn, but some jobs are much easier with another set of hands on the bulky mass, however brawny the brain.
i think there is danger of us working it out. the current mantra is, "i'm looking for help, not a takeover."
It sounds that you're set to heal this with a mantra (for yourself, or for your big bruiser of a man?, and I 'd hope for your best with that... What do you think he gets from sabataging/stealing/delaying/changing projects that are your passion?
For your spare waiting time (just for moments you don't want to quite actively pursue the mantra, but need to keep the thought of deliverance at hand) I'd suggest if you have this skill to take on a little knitting project. (Now this is a gender-free pursuit, though I guess not exactly as suggested. I tried knitting with a girls' group I was helping with, and I accidentally made a palm-sized green glob of yarn I think by the same directions the class made ---with apparent ease---throat scarves for winter. However, I had a friend who had just had a kidney transplant at that time, and my failed project was kidney shaped and about the size of the implant, and my friend was highly impressed with my skill in making the tape-on kidney afghan...(or at least until I told her what the original project was!).
From what you've shared of your husband, I'd be encouraging you to be finding or making a pattern for knitting your manipulative lad a new jock strap fittin for a man with such a small view of himself that he's one to try to take you down a size in all you do. I wouldn't be sharing details of the "project" with him, but just for moments of iimagination, I'd be thinkin of details of the pattern, color, and general impression of your man modeling this Christmas in July gift (and in man usage, the gift that keeps on giving). This just for smiles in imagination.
For reference---and SMILES---google Pam Ayres Father's Bathing suit, Youtube. Enjoy a little break as you hear her description of her description of her father's vintage bathing suit hand knitted by her mother! Other than this, Pam Ayres the humorist is good medicine all on her own!
Hoping you have a better day, and can look forward to an improved understanding on the part of your husband regarding the importance of ownership in personally meaningful projects.
Or perhaps he "needs" to know that good behavior leads to pleasant outcomes. Inappropriate behavior leads to, well, Christmas in July at best with a tidy new strap, and at worst, with the protective cup which he is going to need...
Smiling!
ouilliam
free time. . . i miss retirement. . . i am coming up on the 5th anniversary since being called out of retirement to parent 3 young orphans. my recall of free time seems to be more nostalgic by the day, alongside the sense of urgency in working out the psycho snot knots between my co-parent and myself. this waltz was downright psychotic during my first parenting career and my 69 year energy levels don't feel like they can handle a replay. i don't see either one of us as having the physical strength to get these kids through college alone.
my current rhetoric on this strictly personal dialogue springs from a michael montgomery song;
"life is a dance we learn as we go
"sometimes we lead
"sometimes we follow
"don't you worry about what you don't know
"life is a dance we learn as we go."
let's get creative and invent some new steps to the dance. steps we won't find on facebook or either of the gender locker rooms.
small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. let god lead the dance.
good behavior for pleasant outcomes? i can't even seem to find solid definitions of "good" or "pleasant" for the pavlovic approach to this phenom