Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hello all,
It has been 8 years since I've posted on here. In the time that I was posting I was 4-5 months housebound, deep in a flareup of agoraphobia, my life-long friend. I'm unsure if you're able to revisit and read my older posts from those years but I was clinging to dear life for the feeling of safety. Sleepless nights spent reveling in rushes of fight or flight and reruns of Gilmore Girls were my norm and I'd isolated myself so heavily that not even having my saint of a mother near me made me uncomfortable. It was truly me, myself, and I. I'd started taking Zoloft in either March or April of 2015, a challenge in itself, and it was my godsend, it was not a cure all but it gave me the strength to desensitize myself to the world I'd been so, so scared of. This post may be lengthy, I'm treating it as a personal jounral entry as well as a public post to those in need of hope. In these 8 years since I've been absent, I've taken my first vacation to Tennessee, I've joined social clubs such as Rotary, my name has been featured in numourous newspaper articles and my community has seen my face on the local news, I began working a part-time job at my local Sheriff's Office in 2018 and was offered a full-time position in 2020. It certainly has not been easy, I don't have to tell anyone here that getting out bed can be a struggle, and my heart goes out to you all. Oddly enough, sometimes I look back on my bed-ridden days fondly, I would suspect this is because, I know now that, I was safe.
Lately, I've had some struggles, which is not to be unexpected, that is life. I have panic disorder, agoraphobia, emetophobia, but those things do not have me. They may knock me down for a day or two or eight or a hundred and that's okay. If I need to curl up in bed, distract myself from life with a color booking, or a classic computer game, that's okay. If need to get my thoughts out like I am now, I gain perspective on what is the truth, the truth being, I will be okay.
When I went back and read my posts from 2015, I bursted into tears. I think I was just completely overwhelmed by this memory of who that girl was, like hearing from an old friend you haven't talked to in a while, yet that person is me...she's the reason why I've accomplished this much thus far 'cause she fought like hell, she's the reason I'm confident I will overcome any trials that come my way, no matter how difficult, no matter how scary(annnnnd I'm crying again), she and I are the reason I will keep going.
I plan to post again more frequently and read your posts and offer friendship. I am by no means recovered or healed, I'm just doing the best that I can like everyone else here. I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read this. I hope it offered at least something relatable to you or a sense that you are not alone. Feel free to ask me anything, talking about it is one of my best coping mechanisms.
Much love, x.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
She is by nature a social person, historically has had excellent social skills (listens well, interacts, mirrors body language, enjoys people) but has been reluctant to go out after some difficult events. While I suppose anyone can do what they want in life, it causes problems for herself as well as others in the family. `
Her friends schedule things and want to see her. Frequently she will not go and cannot commit. We get in this strange situation where she wants contact and social interaction and will call people in the day, sometimes inconveniencing them, instead of meeting with close friends at night. I spend tremendous time housebound because that is where she wants to be and she's scared to go out.
You have a good job, happy at it, people like you, it's good to get out. So its hard to understand the dynamics of this.
I do thank you for your post because it does give me a sense of the internal struggles people deal with.