Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
im worried about facing my grandmother. she is elderly, but she has a history of being controlling, manipulative, and using emotional blackmail to get her way. for many years, with her children, my mother, and my siblings. i can't do this anymore. people keep telling me to be strong and ignore whatever she says to me, but the constant winding up is taking a toll. she lives in the same house as us, but i hadn't gone to see her for 2 days because i was really busy with college. she called me one evening, and yelled at me, and i had a test due that night. i was in a bad mood. she said really terrible things like i should pray that she dies soon, if i don't like taking care of her. i had been busy for 2 days. she didn't need anything urgently, because she has a carer, she was angry i didn't say hello to her. she over exaggerated. then she began with her emotional manipulation, telling me about how much she cared for me when i was little, that i can't spare her a second to say hello. mind you, there are 7 other people in the house to give her attention, she picks on me for whatever godforsaken reason. i told her i was busy with school and i was stressed about a test i had to submit. she went on about how i dont care for her at all, and so much crap. before the 2 days i was busy, i am usually constantly doing things for her, getting up the second she calls me. i don't understand why she was so angry about a one time i didnt see her. eventually, i couldn't take it, i told her in a slightly firm voice that i'm leaving if she says crap about dying to me, and that i have something due in an hour, and i went upstairs. my dad talked to her but i dont know what happened. now im constantly worried about what shes going to say. she picked a bad time to wind me up, and she probably wont talk to me. i dont want to go in her room because im scared of being yelled at and completely breaking down. i don;t know how to deal with people being disappointed in me. when i have arguments with my parents or siblings, we usually make up wuite fast because we understand each other, and we're forgiving. but my grandmother doesn't know how to be forgiving, she'll hold aa grudge for as long as possible. im so scared of facing her. i try not to think about it and busy myself with other things, mbut im finding myself thinking about it too often and my head starts to hurt, and my hands and feet get clammy, and i feel really tensed up. i dont know what to do. im scared of confronting her, and im scared of what she'll say to other people. most of all im scared that my parents are disappointed in me, in how i dealt with it. i dont know how to deal with my grandmother, it's literally mentally draining me, hearing her talk crap every single day, i dont know how to deal with it. i can't focus on college and i cant enjoy things properly either. i hve no idea what to do. my siblings and parents can deal with her, they've had experience and they know how to let go of whatever she says, but i cant do it. it feels like my head is clouded and i cant think right with all the things she says to me, i dont know anymore
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I know someone who had a similar problem with their grandmother too.
But I tell her how it is my husband works his ass off so I can be the stay home mom even know I work part time. But my husband and my children come even before me and told her to let it sink in her head mothers day weekend I want all to my self with my husband and children and how I'm going to be the 1 pampered to so if she wants a part of .But will go see my nana with the kids and have breakfast.
So don't let grandma get to you when you got school and you know you help her out when you can and like you said there's a total of 7 others to help out.
Be it a 2 year old in the throes of a tantrum, a sick, manipulative senior citizen or one of the many shades in between, I don't argue with control freaks. Arguing with a fool only proves there are two fools. I set my boundary and maintain it for as long as needed. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Let us agree to disagree.
Of course that is easier said than done. That is where my therapy support network comes in. Finding emotional support here makes it much easier to maintain healthy boundaries with sick people of all ages and stations.
But that is me and every case is unique.
Gentle support while you find what works for you, Maya.
Welcome aboard.
You've taken the important first step in writing it out.
Use this saying to help you remember to put your well-being first when dealing effectively with your grandmother's behavior.
You are responsible for what you say, do, react, and respond. You are NOT responsible for what others, say, do, react, and respond.
You're writing out words, thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Keep writing and sort through all of it to help you find your better balance naturally.
A psychotherapy tool I use for dealing with impossible people is "visualization." For caregiving of undeniably and irreparably handicapped people, I visualize them ranting through the bars of a mental hospital window. They are sick, not evil. Don't eat the verbal vomit. Do what ya can/gotta do and let the rest go.
Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.