Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Each day I can only try to do my best and that includes getting information, so I have some more questions for this good group,
1. Medication My wife stopped medication. More exactly, she didn't want to take it one day, hadn't take it the day before and I saw a group of discarded pills behind the bed (I guess she spit them out). We're looking for a new therapy team, and in an interview, the prospective therapist said from my description, my wife needs medication, and we need to figure out why she is resistant to that. 3 sons, all pretty bright, 6 friends, 5 family members all believe medication is needed.
My wife is not getting better. We went to her sister's because I had a critical business meeting (she would be with her sister during the meeting), the meeting went very badly with serious problems and to add to it, my wife started calling, I said I don't have any time to talk, right now, I have 10 hours of work to do in 30 minutes and she responds, please just stay and talk you seem angry, I just want to know what's happening and I replied, I have absolutely 0 time to discuss this and no time to explain what's going on, I have things that are extremely important and need to try to attend to them, hung up, turned my phone off and she then called my son 8 times in a frenetic state.
My wife says she doesn't believe in medication, and posits that one drug made things worse. Her sister who had a bad experience with a psychiatrist is also against medication and the two speak frequently. Her sister is a nice person but is prone to exaggeration and anxiety. But my wife's current situation is dysfunctional and she does little in terms of meditation and stress relief.
2. Dealing with moods My wife now gets in strange moods. She was mad about something on her phone, periodically thinks someone is tampering with it, and threw it. Then she got mad and threw some stuff out of the refridgerator. I told her I can't deal with this F-ing crap, and I need to get out of here. I started to leave the house to take a walk and she ran out, almost crying, please don't leave, let me come.
3. Diagnosis It still seems this is a psychological or psychiatric issue. People with Alzheimer's or strokes cannot transition in and out of normal as my wife can. She spent last night at my son's, get ready and we had a very nice time. Somehow after a nice day we expect a problem.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
I will try to exclude her from the process of picking a new counselor. For 30 years of marriage, my wife did not rely on her sister, they'd talk about decorating, we'd go on vacations together, but my wife was very competent and made her own decisions.
I do think for my wife and sister, and probably others, the near paranoic feeling are connected with inactivity. The loners out of a job seem to get in trouble, less so, people with a job and an active social life. I wasn't clear if your mother is still having these problems. It's great that you can control yourself but are you able to control your mother since her situation does seem similar to my wife's.
again, i ask, how are YOU? your own anxiety is sounding a out of control.
My mother was able to speak and think clearly when a situation brought her defense up to the maximum.
The changes are present, several common factors of potential conflict which raise her defense mechanism to full force.
Separate your life line from her sister and limit exposure as much as possible - that particular connection is enabling your wife to be 'off' due to her sister's enabling.
The disease is present since she's hiding pills, misplacing normal daily living activity items, and fighting normal direct tasks that do not fit her 'thought'.
Take time to work out your anxiety (she's feeding off it). Take time out for you, to relax, to separate you from this situation so you can function normally in your work place (turning off phone was a positive action).
Her actions of reaching out to others to ... force her way is another symptom of the disease as well.
No treatment plan is going to work in all ways. Sit down, figure out what's most important to work first and then move onwards from that point. (The line in the point of no return - how far will you let her take it before you say NOT ME) I put it like this so you can see that you have more value in saying no and stepping in with alternate choices/options. None of those options need to pamper/favor/ enable her to continue as she is. Bottom line: she is NOT in control, neither are her actions. You have the ability to set up (and it's not an easy challenge to do, however, it will give you more control in giving her a better treatment plan).
Best wishes in this - it's not easy helping someone fighting feeling better naturally and normal after their behavior has been rewarded in their thought.
I had a matter at work where someone made accusations against me, I made it against them, he wrote me a nasty note, I wrote him a similar one, and we had to have a 3d party address the situation, it was the most relaxing thing that week.
If we were making progress that would be great. I'd love to say, she's taking medication, working on therapy, exercising, getting new clothes, arranging to meet with friends, creating a framework for improving her life but the reality, is no medicine, a daily schedule of morning, depression and anxiety, call a few friends, look at things she should have done, go to bed, afternoon of depression and anxiety, discuss plans about getting better that she will not follow through, bother me, go to sleep at 9 and ask me when I'm coming in .
Have therapy tomorrow, but my life is wound up with my wife's.
Again, her anxiety is running the show, accomodating it high priority for her, keeping herself happy, improving her life, and helping me to be happy are low or no priority items. My therapist says to be positive and listen. Sure, what do you say. Imagine a wife with a reasonable budget and a husband addicted to porn, what does she say, oh-honey, I saw there's a $900 bill for a site you checked out and apparently interacted out with people there, but that's just 2 days and the rest of the week you did great I'm so proud of you, or Jack's an alcoholic, do you say, you only came home 2 and a half hours late at 11:30 P.M. that's wonderful.
Do I tell her stressed out I am and how this makes me feel, then that will stress her out more, anxiety takes control and we accomplish nothing. Talking to her is difficult and on any thing, I have to check will this stress her out if so, let's not discuss it.
(I unfortunately have had first hand experiences with familia with this)
Sending you support
Gentle hug <3
I do though wonder if neuropsychological testing would provide some insight.
To me, it sounds like she is dealing with more than anxiety and depression but again not a doctor.
I do though agree on setting boundaries and creating space for yourself, and holding firm to that, as challenging as it is.
My wife and I apologized to each other.
We do have a new psychiatric appt with someone my therapist recommended. I can try to downpedal sis's involvement but she will know and express her views. Some medication will likely be recommended and we need to take another try at having her try it.
I do have to work to have the testing done, but my wife is not easy to get to seemingly fun events much less medical things. Thanks to everyone for your help and insight.
My point in mentioning this is that your wife has to want to find answers for herself and not only participate in the process but also proactively take some of the lead. Otherwise it seems like she’s just going along with it just to please everyone else and but then rebels, or resents it. I hope with finding a new doctor, she will feel more independent, empowered and accountable for her own well being.
If she has the wherewithal to apologize and accept your apology that tells me she has awareness of her behavior and that you can openly discuss things with her, about your concerns, and she can talk to you about her concerns. Maybe that’s what your therapist meant by listening and being positive.
With that, listen we all lose our cool with our spouses. Hell I sure do.