Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Appreciate some advice about handling my wife's anxiety attack. Going over to family member for Thanksgiving, for years we had the dinner at our house, sold it, had problems finding a new one, now living elsewhere, a tough situation. Wife blames herself for the problems, we lost our house because of her indeciveness and she had problems looking to another one, my suggestion, let's look forward and think about new houses seems to go nowhere, as she constantly ruminates about what she sees as her past mistakes and failure to seek psychological reatment early. Going over to son's house, he texts we're starting a little early, wife says wait a few minutes, then says she looks ugly and does not want to go. She later says she messed everything up.
I try to be patient for 2 hours, usual nice things, I love you, please come, you look nice, everyone loves you and wants to see you and after maybe 10 repetitions, that goes basically nowhere she wants to stay in bed. Finally, with enormous difficulty and stress, I get her in the car and then she does not want to go. I tell her the obvious, why do you want to put some enormous stress and problems upon your family, why are you giving me so much stress on what should be a holiday. I can call family members, and they are aware of our problem, but I hoped to have one nice, peaceful, enjoyable holiday day for them and me.
Ultimately, she comes, her children and grandchildren are happy, it's a nice day.
Note, this is a new her, for 63 years, she was an attractive, happy, very competent person, probably the person least likely to need psychiatric care. Now she has these constant anxiety attacks and associated severe depression. I gave her an Ativan, but unfortunately that did little. Sometimes she has a stress attack going home to our new rental house. Note, part of the issues is finding a new house, we had a pretty house but in a rural location and when the children left, we wanted something with more fun. But now, the constant anxiety, panic attacks present many challenges, she will have more in an average 2 week period than she had in the prior 30 years. Note, extensive examination has disclosed no physical or neurological problems other than a thyroid issue which is under treatment. She's under care but seems to have a hard time opening up to therapists and when she talks to me, blames herself.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
You're going to have to get 'tough' about choices with her.
Her attitude is working because she's able to turn everything into 'conflict', no matter what you say or do.
The lifestyle change is important to work with-and to move with. In essence, her routine changed significantly without a positive direction to work towards.
Feelings are not decisions. As a caregiver (in this case, you are taking care of her while she is not in a 'do thinking' for herself) you are choosing to give her medicine which is not working because that's not her physical problem.
She's going to get worse before she gets better.
Writing it out here is important to get your plan of actions to facts and statements. Release your feelings and then work out the best way to get her to make a physical decision to do something.
She's using the 'house' as a crutch and self blame so you have to make the decisions and feel guilty.
Not your problem. Not a problem for you.
That's the hardest part for being a care giver, you have to put the facts before feelings.
Good that a good time was had by all.
The effort preceding it, though, is very wearing on anyone.
Hoping you find a successful method to end this situation in a positive direction.
Try your best to accept how she is now. Hopefully she will improve, with therapy or medications.
I know you have been trying. It is not easy for you, either. Do you talk to a therapist?
steadying support while you work through the challenge, bobby. i've been on both sides of the psycho help desk and for my nickel, the support side is the harder side of the desk to be on.
I can say from my own experience that starting therapy can create more mental and emotional chaos and imbalance for a bit because it’s uncomfortable and kicks up a lot of stuff, and you aren’t sure how to deal with it. Her program, therapy and medication is just the start. Then there is her doing the work. It is definitely a process. For me the chaotic thinking subsided once I got through that initial phase of digging through stuff I pushed down for years.
Take care of yourself, truly.
Indeed one challenge is that in many of her interactions with doctors and therapists, she'll switch to competent and sensible mode, distorting any analysis. My issues today are,
1. What is the most effective approach when someone is in a meltdown,
2. Is yelling appropriate, what do you do to get someone's attention. For example she became anxious and decided to call one son at 6:30 A.M., I took the phone and yelled, calm down, get a grip and call him at a normal hour, right or wrong.
3. is sarcasm appropriate, I guess we have 2 choices, you can find another house, go on some nice vacations, see our children and grandchildren and have a nice life, or you can stress and accomplish nothing each day, raise my stress level and blood pressure and make sure no one including yourself is happy- apparently alternative 2 is much more appealing.
4. Personally, I am looking for a support group even more than a therapist to just identify my own role. Even if I cannot dramatically change things, I do want them better, to the extent I have some element of control.
I think getting angry, yelling and being sarcastic, all of which I totally understand, just serves to amp up the already heightened situation, for her and you.
Sometimes no reaction may be the best reaction. Plus it helps take some control for yourself, in that you don’t have to participate in her stuff. It’s ok to disengage in those moments.