Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
This morning, at church, I was sitting on the end of the pew. About halfway through mass, a man came and wanted to sit. I typically keep the end seat, but he insisted I move down so he could get on the end (he refused to get in the pew when I offered to let him past me).
After he sat down, I started panicking about having to shake his hand when it was time to offer peace to those around us. I have OCD and a fear of contamination. I don't know how else to word this without it sounding rude because I feel that it is really rude of me to judge others this way, but I saw this man as "dirty" and imagined that he probably didn't wash his hands after he uses the restroom or might have some kind of disease. I have seen this man in mass before, and he appears to have some sort of mental illness or is maybe a drug user, and I also suspect he may not have a home. It's not that these things make him "dirty"; I guess in my head, these things mean that he might not wash his hands after he uses the restroom.
I am ashamed that I even pass such judgments on other people, but I am even more ashamed that today I acted on them. I felt so nervous about having to shake his hand that about a minute after he sat next to me, I got up and went to the other end of the church to stand for the rest of mass so I wouldn't have to shake his hand. At the moment, I wasn't really thinking how this might make the man feel - all I could feel was my fear and panic. But now I am worried I hurt his feelings, and in my head, keep thinking things like, "What if this man was thinking about ending his life, and the way I acted towards him today is the last straw and he decides to commit suicide?" I just fear I hurt him/caused harm.
Moreso, like I mentioned before, I feel guilty for being so judgmental, rather than kind and understanding. I want so badly to be a kind person, but my thoughts and actions are just the opposite and I feel terrible about myself.
I apologize this was so long - I am just disgusted in myself right now and needed to get this out there. Thank you so much if you read this.
After he sat down, I started panicking about having to shake his hand when it was time to offer peace to those around us. I have OCD and a fear of contamination. I don't know how else to word this without it sounding rude because I feel that it is really rude of me to judge others this way, but I saw this man as "dirty" and imagined that he probably didn't wash his hands after he uses the restroom or might have some kind of disease. I have seen this man in mass before, and he appears to have some sort of mental illness or is maybe a drug user, and I also suspect he may not have a home. It's not that these things make him "dirty"; I guess in my head, these things mean that he might not wash his hands after he uses the restroom.
I am ashamed that I even pass such judgments on other people, but I am even more ashamed that today I acted on them. I felt so nervous about having to shake his hand that about a minute after he sat next to me, I got up and went to the other end of the church to stand for the rest of mass so I wouldn't have to shake his hand. At the moment, I wasn't really thinking how this might make the man feel - all I could feel was my fear and panic. But now I am worried I hurt his feelings, and in my head, keep thinking things like, "What if this man was thinking about ending his life, and the way I acted towards him today is the last straw and he decides to commit suicide?" I just fear I hurt him/caused harm.
Moreso, like I mentioned before, I feel guilty for being so judgmental, rather than kind and understanding. I want so badly to be a kind person, but my thoughts and actions are just the opposite and I feel terrible about myself.
I apologize this was so long - I am just disgusted in myself right now and needed to get this out there. Thank you so much if you read this.
I have been in very similar situations, even in church.
There have been a few times I can recall when I didn't even stand and turn to shake anyone's hand during service. I simply remained in my seat and pretended to look through my Bible. It makes me incredibly anxious at times to have to shake someone's hand and say something to them.
Anxiety can bring on humiliating instances like that, but you need to learn to accept that it is not your fault. If someone is offended, they are the one being judgmental because they have no idea what kind of strife you are going through.
I remember another time recently when I went shopping with my fiance's mother and due to my anxiety I had to leave the store. I couldn't breathe and I felt very confused.
She didn't understand and I was very embarrassed, but after I explained myself I felt a little less ashamed and she understood.
So instead of focusing on how other people might react to what you're doing, just continue to do what is comfortable. If you have trouble shaking someone's hand or being in a particular situation, remove yourself from that and pay no attention to what anyone else thinks.
Best Wishes.