Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
big fat rant and giant pity party-
I planned for a weekend snowed in with my boyfriend. I went out and bought a few of his favorite foods, picked out a couple of recipes to make, etc. We had a couple of minor altercations that turned into huge ones. Again. He has zero tollerance for my anxiety. He believes that I use it as a crutch. He applies his own experiences to mine and expects me to get through things they way that he has. Now our weekend is soured. I feel alone. I am reminded tonight about all of my shortcomings with him, we've been together for 3 years and this is a point that continues to come up. I simply can't take much more of this. It's so frustrating to feel like I'm giving it my all and then being notified that it isn't good enough. (He's a wonderful guy but he sets a very high standard for people, impossible to reach). Some days I feel optimistic about us and other times I feel completely hopeless.
I'm so angry and upset that he's so flippin OCD. I feel like he shows me no compassion for my own issues. He essentially believes I need to be 200% on my game at all times. It's stressful and upsetting. He only gets this way when we have an altercation. There are two sides to every story, of course. I do think he has valid complaints.
This relationship is a huge trigger for me... It's almost like I'm just not ready to be with him... however, the other option is that I break up with him and I'm alone in a state with no ability to depend on myself. On good days, I feel like I'm in it for the right reasons. On bad nights, like now, I wonder what the hell I'm doing.
I feel completely out of control, I am afraid of the unknown. He sees none of my emotional stuff that I go through, he thinks it's all an act or that my emotional state is me being selfish. His own personal trauma as a child blinds him to sharing any compassion for me when I need his emotional support. I feel so stuck. I hate my life. I feel trapped. I feel like I have no options other than staying and waiting it out or leaving and living out of my car with my cat (which I would do, if I had to... Kitty is NOT going to the pound, ever!!!!!!!!!!!!). I just want a rational mind, for ONCE. I want to be unafraid of change and strong enough to bear the storm when life throws you curve balls. I hate feeling weak. I hate having to "fake" strength, even with my own boyfriend. I hate feeling like I live a lie. I hate that mental illness is poo-pooed by society just because people don't physically see the trauma or illness.
I want to sleep on the couch, but I'm too afraid of that. I'm too afraid of the emotional fallout this will cause tomorrow. Instead, I now have insomnia. I hate that I give people so much power over me all of the fucking time. I hate that my homelife as a child made me this way and that both of my parents are completely oblivious to the consequences of their actions. I hate this part about me and I hate that the man that I love, someone who has supported me and is nothing but thoughtful and lovely to everyone else- just can't accept this part of who I am. I hate it. I hate feeling unaccepted. If I'm not accepted for myself, then why would I want to be myself?
I'm so upset tonight. Watching the snowfall with my cat, probably going to be a late night (early morning?). I have a headache. I can't turn my brain off, I feel like crying but the tears are stuck.
This whole weekend is ruined, all because I spoke up a stupid opinion or two. Because I'm too reactive about what I say and I don't reflect. On top of that, I allowed my boyfriend to slough off his frustration onto me- and I took on his crappy emotions. He's been in bed for the last 2 hours but I'm still here. Feel lost, alone, afraid, isolated, unwanted, unloved, and full of self loathing.
So much for a romantic weekend in. So much for going to the grocery store to buy a ton of food. So much for thinking things were going well, AGAIN and yet AGAIN shit hits the fan.
I really hate all of this. So upset right now, I can't even think straight. Just feeling really overwhelmed.
I planned for a weekend snowed in with my boyfriend. I went out and bought a few of his favorite foods, picked out a couple of recipes to make, etc. We had a couple of minor altercations that turned into huge ones. Again. He has zero tollerance for my anxiety. He believes that I use it as a crutch. He applies his own experiences to mine and expects me to get through things they way that he has. Now our weekend is soured. I feel alone. I am reminded tonight about all of my shortcomings with him, we've been together for 3 years and this is a point that continues to come up. I simply can't take much more of this. It's so frustrating to feel like I'm giving it my all and then being notified that it isn't good enough. (He's a wonderful guy but he sets a very high standard for people, impossible to reach). Some days I feel optimistic about us and other times I feel completely hopeless.
I'm so angry and upset that he's so flippin OCD. I feel like he shows me no compassion for my own issues. He essentially believes I need to be 200% on my game at all times. It's stressful and upsetting. He only gets this way when we have an altercation. There are two sides to every story, of course. I do think he has valid complaints.
This relationship is a huge trigger for me... It's almost like I'm just not ready to be with him... however, the other option is that I break up with him and I'm alone in a state with no ability to depend on myself. On good days, I feel like I'm in it for the right reasons. On bad nights, like now, I wonder what the hell I'm doing.
I feel completely out of control, I am afraid of the unknown. He sees none of my emotional stuff that I go through, he thinks it's all an act or that my emotional state is me being selfish. His own personal trauma as a child blinds him to sharing any compassion for me when I need his emotional support. I feel so stuck. I hate my life. I feel trapped. I feel like I have no options other than staying and waiting it out or leaving and living out of my car with my cat (which I would do, if I had to... Kitty is NOT going to the pound, ever!!!!!!!!!!!!). I just want a rational mind, for ONCE. I want to be unafraid of change and strong enough to bear the storm when life throws you curve balls. I hate feeling weak. I hate having to "fake" strength, even with my own boyfriend. I hate feeling like I live a lie. I hate that mental illness is poo-pooed by society just because people don't physically see the trauma or illness.
I want to sleep on the couch, but I'm too afraid of that. I'm too afraid of the emotional fallout this will cause tomorrow. Instead, I now have insomnia. I hate that I give people so much power over me all of the fucking time. I hate that my homelife as a child made me this way and that both of my parents are completely oblivious to the consequences of their actions. I hate this part about me and I hate that the man that I love, someone who has supported me and is nothing but thoughtful and lovely to everyone else- just can't accept this part of who I am. I hate it. I hate feeling unaccepted. If I'm not accepted for myself, then why would I want to be myself?
I'm so upset tonight. Watching the snowfall with my cat, probably going to be a late night (early morning?). I have a headache. I can't turn my brain off, I feel like crying but the tears are stuck.
This whole weekend is ruined, all because I spoke up a stupid opinion or two. Because I'm too reactive about what I say and I don't reflect. On top of that, I allowed my boyfriend to slough off his frustration onto me- and I took on his crappy emotions. He's been in bed for the last 2 hours but I'm still here. Feel lost, alone, afraid, isolated, unwanted, unloved, and full of self loathing.
So much for a romantic weekend in. So much for going to the grocery store to buy a ton of food. So much for thinking things were going well, AGAIN and yet AGAIN shit hits the fan.
I really hate all of this. So upset right now, I can't even think straight. Just feeling really overwhelmed.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
My parents abused me as a child and I know they don't realise the consequences of their actions so I can completely relate to that and it's good that your talking about it. It is so easy to blame yourself when you have experienced abuse but acknowledging that it is not your fault it happened but also knowing that it has affected the person you've become is a huge step.
I also suffer from insomnia. It's much worse when I'm anxious or stressed. My GP gave me sleeping tablets, I can't take them as they react with other medications I'm taking but it might be worth you asking them. Alternatively I've started using essential oils, particularly lavender, rubbing it in your temples, on pulse points and even on your feet helps to make you feel relaxed. It can also be diluted and sprayed on bedding. I have also recently discovered lavender tea! It doesn't always make me sleep but it definately helps me to relax more so I can at least rest even if I'm still awake. If you are struggling to sleep and regularly suffer from insomnia then it might be worth seeing a doctor but it is soooo important to make sure that you are at least relaxing, thinking calming thoughts, maybe listening to relaxing music and closing your eyes and just letting your body rest, you may find your mind drifts off and you actually sleep, if not then don't get frustrated with your self and just stay calm and relaxed as its vital to reenergise.
You need to do what's best for you, if a guy is making you feel this bad it may be worth asking yourself if it's really worth it. Also you are your own person and have a right to your own choices. So if you want to sleep on the couch then do it! If you're worried about repercussions just have a duvet evening with a film and you can always pretend that you just happened to fall asleep watching the film! It might save on the arguements and allow you to sleep. Things are so much easier to sort out when you're well rested.
No guy should make you feel this bad and you never need to be dependant on somebody when it comes to your own feelings. There are support groups all over the world that can help when you're desperate and when your feeling really low you have to look after miner one! Which is you!
At the end of the day hurt people hurt others. Everybody is broken in their own ways but we can't help others if we can't help ourselves. Maybe think about counselling...it may take a while (believe me I'm about to start seeing my third counsellor in six months so my first counselling experience certainly hasn't been brilliant) but with the right help and support you will feel better x
the reason I let go and don't worry, is new though. It's not a rational logic thing. It's an acceptance thing.
What I'm seeing when I look at this picture, is that your boyfriend has worse anxiety disorder than you do.
Far worse. And he has learned to be rigid as his method of getting through it. So that whereas you are crying in the lounge, visibly distraught should he get up and see; he's locked into a rigor of anxiety and anger in bed.
He's using anger to escape his attacks.
So I would simply let it float away like a leaf in a stream. Tomorrow is a new day. Learning that he is fighting his triggers might help you: you're triggering him. You're wanting compassion for something he doesn't have compassion for, because nobody has compassion for others suffering what they are suffering.
You cant have compassion when you have common shared misery, you can only have understanding and empathy. Compassion is a kind of pity for someone who's suffering more than you. :D
And empathy doesn't always present as caring and sharing. Empathy can present as a good hard whack.
I think you're both lost right now, and I think you don't need to sweat it. Don't worry about tomorrow. Anxiety is a private disorder and spouses can only get in a mess from it.
It's best to keep it to yourself. If you share it, the ones you share it with have to be very very wise. But to tell your spouse to cut you slack in the war of marriage is a low blow and he will fight you to the last man on that issue. He isn't asking you to cut him slack, and he can't cut you any.
The first years of a relationship, after the shine has worn off, are a power battle. You're getting into the cage with the tiger. You can't tell the tiger to be nice to you. :D
:D :D :D
So go! Have that fight! Let it all hang out. :D Just live. Be you. Do you. make the whole thing hit rock bottom because until you do that, you can't build on a strong foundation.
:)
guys like that are often carrying a lot of bottled stuff. It's great if you can trigger them to release it, but don't make that your role. Just get all the mines blown up and everything on solid ground. Whatever the fight was about: go ahead and have the fight! don't worry about the anxiety, it's just a noise in the background best ignored.
So next time, stop, pause, observe, and if you can get through the moment without bringing up anxiety, do so. Sometimes, I just stay quiet and let the urge pass, get hydrated, and go ahead with the next step.
He does not have your perspective on anxiety, nor do you have his perspective on anxiety. I am married 35+ years, and I have to remind myself that some of those ... "why" moments just have to be shrugged off, we both have our moments of wanting it to just be.
Take time to put everything you can into positive images, and keep calm in your range.
Best wishes.