Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
This might get long so sorry in advance. I've got a multitude of issues that I've never had treated or seen a therapist for. This is mostly due to never having insurance or the money for it, and my family discouraging it. I am 30 years old. Single. I've had social anxiety for the last 10 years, and its only been getting worse as I've gotten older. It's really debilitating and kept me back from some amazing opportunities in my life.
I'm not sure if anxiety effects speech, but I find myself stuttering or constantly forgetting words or names I know when under pressure. I cant speak in front of a room of people, my brain just times out and I suddenly cant remember what I planned to say. I am an artist, and at one point had applied for Nickelodeons internship. I actually got a call back from them, but unfortunately didnt get selected because I didnt pass their phone interview. I suddenly couldnt remember any of my favorite shows or characters when asked about them, even though I grew up with Nick. I didnt have a decent answer for any of the questions and must have sounded like an absolute idiot, even though I had done my research ahead of time. It's like my mind goes blank over the slightest pressure. I've beat myself up so much over that interview, interning with Nick was my dream.
If I am writing or drawing something in front of someone and they're watching me, my hand shakes so bad that I cant write/draw. Its extremely embarrassing and has only added to my self deprecation. I feel stupid. I tried starting an art class but had to cancel it, because in front of a crowd, I suddenly cant draw. I've noticed that I've slowly pushed people out of my life due to constantly feeling embarrassed over the things I do. I need people to talk to but I have no one. I dont know how or where to fit in anymore, I feel so so alone all the time.
My anxiety has ended perfectly good relationships, which is why I'm still single and have little to no friends. I'm so afraid of doing something stupid that i clam up and cant be myself around anyone anymore. I dont know what to do. I feel like my life had so much promise when I was 20, and I had so much drive to go after my dreams, and now I have no ambition at all. Absolutely none, which is not who I am. But I cant find my purpose in life anymore, so theres no drive. I just screw up everything I do. I feel like if I could just get rid of this anxiety I could be happy and successful in my career and life. At the moment, its crippling. I'm finally getting insurance next year, and I'm going to start seeing a therapist, but until then, does anyone have advise?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Forgive yourself for that interview. You were suffering with a mental illness (social anxiety) that affected your performance. Even people who don't have anxiety flop job interviews.
You're still very young and you're taking action now. That's great. Don't keep dipping back towards the past and continue to punish yourself day after day over the same things.
Next year is not far away. Great job on lining up insurance. But until then, there are lots of online articles/ books that can help.
There's workbooks you can buy to help do some self help before then.
Sending you light n love. Congrats!
Rambling is allowed here. Allowing myself to ramble in compassionate company has lead me to more solutions than any other single element in my 40 odd years of psychotherapy. The problems behind my social anxiety, etc., are neither logical nor efficiently placed on wide-hewn paths. It takes ALLOT of trial and error to dig for roots and solutions. Ramble away, my friend.
Anxiety and stress effect my speech dramatically. I stutter and maze like a car that won't start under their influence and forcing my way past the phenom turns me into an illogical raving maniac. I have to back off and find a private place to ply therapy tools when the stuttering begins. It is not an easy psycho-tic to live with.
Most of my own formal psychotherapy has come from the VA and community centers, As valuable as professional resources have been, peer support, both live and on-line has been and remains my most valuable psychotherapy resource. I disagree with the notion of do-it-yourself psychotherapy, though. Self-help books, etc., have gotten me into more trouble than the original problems. My head is not a safe neighborhood to travel alone. I try to take an accountabilibuddy whenever I can. There really is safety in numbers. So opineth The Arf. . . Every journey is unique and your case remains yours to sort. Healing is an inside job. Nobody can do it for you.
Welcome aboard, Megnarr. Hope you find stabilizing companionship here.
You can dream, you can go for it. You can move forward, you can do it one step at a time.
The best gift we give ourselves is to look at the rear view mirror (it's small) with writing it out, and look ahead in the full view that we can change how we react, how we respond, and put our well-being first.
So, you had that opportunity and it was not right for you. If you want that kind of opportunity again, practice the conversation until you can feel the confidence in you naturally-do this in front of a mirror. For every obstacle you face with anxiety, you find a way to use it to build your strength up for the next one.
You can do this! The more you write it out, the easier it will be to make changes for your well-being.
Best wishes.