Wish I could live alone. Hope things get better for you.

Welcome Marjiemae!

Is there a reason why your grown son has to live with you? Does he work? It sounds like he is a big contributor to your anxiety, so I am just wondering why he is living there with you and your husband still. And if different living arrangements might help your situation to be less stressful for you.

Welcome to the anxiety board at DS.

You are doing the right thing to reach out for support, understanding, and acceptance.

With your adult son, he has to learn control of his emotions and accept that he is responsible for all of his acts, responses, and reaction. You are NOT responsible for what he says, does, and acts.

He lives with you. You are NOT living with him. As a primary caregiver for your invalid husband, you deserve a break and peace and calm in your household.

So you had a meltdown. It probably scared your son. When you are both calm, have a conversation (work it out in writing so you are prepared to be calm no matter what he says, feelings are not part of the deal-he will pick it quickly when you keep to evidence only).

I've been there, done that, and it's not an easy path to finding a better balance that works successfully with everyone finding the best way that works for their situation.

You are not alone in this. Take time for you, even if it's just a few moments and walking outside to view the stars and moon or sunshine.

Hello, from my own experience with my mom I will leave my opinion. To this day she and I still argue about my step person. He is dead, and they divorced many years prior. We reside together as I sold my property and moved in to care for her and the home. As well I usually work full time. I take care of EVERYTHING here. She will not talk with me about it, and just gets mad and says unkind things about me as a child. Saying I was a brat. Not true at all! So I said " name one time my grandparents had Any or a issue with me. Pure silence, because I was a good kid. They respected me always, so I respected them. Long story short, I feel he needs to get things off of his chest. Let him vent and listen. Try and put yourself in his shoes. And perhaps he could do the same. Yet I do not know the situation. Bottom line. You cant just ignore it and sweep it under the rug. If you can go to counseling, your church or just have a family member who can be neutral be there to help keep things calm. Sorry for rambling.

gentle empathy, marjie. this trend toward adult children living with their parents has been a toughie and seems to have hit at all the socio-economic levels. have senior citizens caring for adult children during retirement reached majority status yet? i missed the retirement planning seminar for that phenom.

i was able to run away from my middle aged son in 2017 powers greater than i evicted him from the house i still own in 2020. last heard, he was still homeless. i still maintain a safe social/physical distance from him, but? ? ? i miss him terribly. i'm still praying for a miracle. just praying. . .

wish i had easy answers for all of us. just wishing. . .

Thanks all for excellent comments. Son at home because he doesn't want to leave his invalid father; dad has been on hospice for quit some time. He took meltdown personally because I was screaming about losing this check. He feels like I thought he was a thief. NO he is not. We have talked about it (Calmly) several times. His bottom line is that I have ruined the holidays and his life. He will never forgive or forget. Got it first step out of bed this morning.

Sometimes it's best to just let it roll until a good time to force some changes. Tough love for this man child is definitely a must if you are ever to have some peace.

healing takes time, marjie.
be gentle with all the players involved and patient with the process.
hope healing happens here.

Thanks Arfie. Don't think healing is for me - been 60 yrs. But I am glad folks are here to "Talk To". Merry Christmas