Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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mybeach 02/24/2013

I am very embarrassed and I feel like a failure. I am letting my daughter down and I don't know what to do. My daughter is 11 and I am a single mom. It has always been just the 2 of us. I have OCD and anxiety. I have suffered in silence for many years and feel that I paint a pretty good picture with my daughter. She really doesn't seem to notice... at least nothing she has been able to label... mom is just being mom. My biggest challenge is she is getting to the age of wanting to have sleepovers. She has spent the night at friends' houses on many occassions but no one ever at our house. I had my first panic attack at a friend's house at 14 and since then I have not spent the night a friends house or them at mine. As an adult, I could never have friend's "crash" at my place or vice versa. If family ever came or I went to visit, always had to be at a hotel. To even think about another person in my home.. UGH. My daughter has only spent the night in my bed when she was sick... I know I am a freak.

I have been able to use the excuse of us living in a small condo as being to small to have company over and my daugther has accepted this. However, we are moving next week to a house and she is already talking about getting to have sleepovers. I don't know what to say... I think about it and can feel the panic coming on. OMG... I am going to break her heart. What do I say? Do I tell her about my anxiety issues now?

I have no friends, no therapist. I tried therapy for a year and never got anywhere. I don't take meds... literally, I suffer in silence and just keep to my rituals. I cope. I have to cope and have no support to challenge this. I really need some advice.. Thanks!

chelle37 02/24/2013

That's a really hard thing (OCD) to deal with on your own. For the immediate issue of how to handle it with your daughter, I think she is old enough to understand on a basic level. It sounds like it's something you are wanting to work on but don't have supports to be able to do that. Have you ever tried meds and are you open to them, or is that not an option?

mybeach 02/24/2013

I am desperatley against meds... The thought of taking "poison" also increases my anxiety... part of my eating disorder and fear of gaining weight from the meds as well as orthorexia.. It's a Double edged sword. I have managed my anxiety by just my own coping skills... rituals and if they get displaced I do a lot of self talk and isolate. I know it's not the best way but it could be worse. I don't change much in my life, if I can help it, but this move is going to disrupt A LOT! I just don't want to disappoint my daughter but how many excuses can I come up with. It 's so not fair to her and i am beating myself up about it.

BYW... thanks so much for your response. Just having the support and know there is another person out there does help!

chelle37 02/24/2013

I understand about the meds, everyone has a right to make their own decision and have their own beliefs about them. It sounds like you've worked really hard on trying to manage the symptoms on your own. You're right there are a lot worse ways you could be coping. I think your daughter is fortunate that she is such a priority to you. She will be ok without having sleepovers, I think her understanding why will help. I think it's good you're reaching out here for support. Are there any in person type support groups in your area? Just curious, I did a support group for ED and it was really helpful. I'm an alcoholic too and AA has been huge in my life. Feel free to message me anytime if you'd like someone to talk to 1:1. Hang in there, one day at a time things can get better!

mybeach 02/24/2013

Thanks chelle37... your support here and on ED site has been really helpful. I haven't checked for anxiety support groups... I will look into that. Also, thanks for not telling me to "just get over it and let her have her friends over". Maybe with talking to her about it we can work on "play dates" and see if I can gradually move towards overnights but at least hopefully she can start to understand.

chelle37 02/24/2013

You're welcome (: It sounds like a good idea to work towards play dates and go from there. I'd start really small like for a short period of time and gradually build up. Good luck change is never easy, and I know you must love your daughter a ton to face that level of anxiety for her. Good luck and keep me posted on how it goes!

amom21 02/24/2013

I think setting play dates and easing into having someone else in the house is a good idea. I also agree that your daughter is probably old enough for you to do some basic explaining about what you're dealing with. So many people are struggling with similar mental health issues these days, she may be somewhat familiar with some things already. The people on here can really be a great support so I hope you find some helpful insights! Sounds like your daughter has a great mom!! :-)

deleted_user 02/24/2013

I actually am going through the same thing. My daughter is 10 soon to be 11. I to used so many excuses,and I also feel guilty because OCD can make you a selfish person. She does go to friends houses, but it took along time for me to allow it. Now when she asked for friends over to our house I get very nerves, she did have a friend over this weekend, and I did get a lot of anxiety. I just told my self this is for her and I can do this. It actually was a lot of fun. It also helped me work through some of my OCD issues. I really do have any one ether. My friends don't know and my husband is one of those who say just get over it. So if you ever want to chat just let me know. I'm. Here for you

BonTemps 02/25/2013

I probably wont e able to convince you to change your mind about the meds but want to share my experience. I was having panic attacks
about 3 nights a week . I desperately wanted to avoid antidepressants
because of the side effects. i started reading everything i could find about anxiey meds . I found a drug called Buspar and convinced my
doc to let me try it. it absolutely changed my life. It took abut 2 weeks to feel the diffrence. My girlfriend noiced it first, commenting on how calm I seemed. Over about 6 weeks the panic attacks, and my anxiety
subsided. It has very mild ide effects..maybe a little dizziness and

BonTemps 02/25/2013

and drowsiness that lasts about 15 minutes. I has been around a long time , so i know its safe. If you had an underactive thyroid , you probably wouldnt hink mch about taking a drug for it . Anxiety and
depression are just as real.

George70101 02/25/2013

One thing to remember. Our children always come first. A sleepover is such a small matter for a parent, but a social event that helps a child make friends and gain trust among peers. Also remember that a child is only young once, it will use social events as a child to foster his or her place in life. Don't let his little girl down over such a trivial matter, that will be over in a matter of hours. Make her proud of her mom, and allow her to make as many friends as possible.

deleted_user 02/25/2013

I'm afraid I must strongly disagree with George70101's statement. It comes from the "just get over it" school of thought IMHO. OCD is serious stuff, and it sounds as if you're dealing with it very well. I also agree you should discuss it with your daughter. Depending on her maturity level you could get into specifics or just tell her you wish she could have sleep-overs but it makes you very uncomfortable. Anyone who loves their daughter as much as you do is NEVER a failure!

Erica71 02/25/2013

Everyone's anxiety situations are different. I've been going through a traveling bout with mine lately...not wanting to venture to far from home. My daughter is going to prom in a few weeks and I felt guilty when she was talking so happily about it and my guts immediately started to churn with thoughts of how on earth am I going to take her an hour away to look for prom dresses..etcc..etcc. I didn't voice it to her..but it was definitely in my head. Well, actually she found one online that is not in stores and has to be ordered....so we did that. I felt I dodged that bullet....but man what an awful feeling...when it comes to your kids wanting to do something or go somewhere and you feel as if it is the end of the world. I've always heard that love knocks down fear....and it's made me question...does this mean that I fear more than I love MY OWN KIDS???!! It's a scary thought and one I don't like to dwell on. I know my situation is different....but anxiety is anxiety. Peace to you. =)

lalab707 02/25/2013

I would never tell you how to handle this as it is up to you and what you you can deal with.

I will say as a Mother of four who raised them by myself I never addressed my anxiety issues. In hind side I feel I would have been a better Mom if I was not stressing out all the time. They loved me then and loved me now.......life would have been easier if I did not live in a constant state of fear.

Their are ways of dealing with OCD and anxiety with or without meds...fear itself can be a horrible thing to live with. You owe it to yourself and your daughter to get help.

lalab

mybeach 03/01/2013

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU... You all have been wonderful with your support and it really means a lot. I was really expecting to be "attacked" as a horrible mom but you all have made me feel validated... not excused but I do feel motivated to contiknue to try to fight this. I will talk to her about this and start with play dates and work towards overnights. George, you are correct as this is important to her and important for her as she becomes an adult. I don't want to deprive her of the opportunites. Although I wish it was a "trivial" thing to me too. I appreiates you perspective. Erica71 I totally know where you are coming from too... I am taking my daughter to the WWE wresting in a few weeks. UGH! It's like 4-5 hours in an auditoruim with thousands of other people. I am dreading it but I coudl not keep her from this as she is a HUGE fan and it's not like they tour to our town very often. I could not let her miss this. I will survive.. wish me luck!

Again, thanks for everyones' support and for giving me the courage to keep trying to fight this fight... for me and for my daughter!

amandamar 03/01/2013

Im not a believer in therapy, so,i understand why u quit.that. BUT i had ocd /rituals as a teen and i took paxil and it was so mich better. Everyones different but i really do believe a lot of things r chemical, so meds work. I cant even imagine doing the rituals now. My number was3 and doind things 2 times.terrified me

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