Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Little League season is progressing well here in The Dust Bowl. We think. Maybe. There are still ominous rumblings from the masked factions to allow for great confidence, buttttttttaaaaaa. . . Letting God lead the dance. So far, so good. The foster charges are eating it up like starving puppies.
Of course my social anxiety is nipping my heels every step of the way. That is no surprise in Arf World. I have the social instincts of a beaten crazy bitch wolf. The first time I heard the term, "At Risk," it was in reference to my odds of seeing my 18th birthday and I almost proved *them* right. May is the 49th anniversary of the nearly successful suicide attempt that would have moved my classification from "At Risk" to "Confirmed." I still feel my suicidal ideations from time to time, but they respond with practiced ease to therapy tools.
Has the 2020 experience changed the dynamics of my social anxiety? For certain, breaking isolation doesn't mean what it did when I started psychotherapy in the 70's. I feel far more motivated to break my isolation in this go-round.
Reality checks requested. Am I making sense? Personal experience and opines welcome, as well. Open dialog.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Last week I saw one of my brothers for the first time in over a year. I was so emotional about it I cried on the entire drive to his house. I can only explain the uncontrollable tears as a release of some sort. Had to pull over a get myself together before getting to his house. Best day in a long time.
This past weekend my husband and I traveled out of town for a few days. We ate in restaurants, sat in bars for a few drinks and actually talked to people. I’ve never been so happy to be in a room full of strangers. Still mask wearing in a lot of places because it’s still the law of the land for some but the buds of social interactions were definitely in bloom and I want more. So I’m just running full speed ahead with it.
I'm still bolting in hysteria when offered a mask, but getting to be okay being around maskites. Far enough that we have done a restaurant or three, but I don't enjoy it and still haven't figured out how to decipher the masked mumble. I miss lip reading something fierce. My hubby is tuned and handles all that during our restaurant skirmishes. The children miss going to restaurants quite a bit and I suck it up for their sakes.
The Little League has been mostly mask free. Our team is 7 year old and local law doesn't require masking under age 10. The adults are supporting their teams, maskites be damned.
But our little ship of fools has been afloat and holding steady since we moved into the new house in January, 2020. The old farmhouse holds a helper and her teenage son who have lightened our load considerably. Our mornings are mostly predictable as Big Bro and Big Sis make their way to Pre K and 2nd grade. Socially distant toddler events are still more than my maternal instincts can process, so Baby Sis remains socially isolated with yours truly while Hubs makes his way to his paid gig. Working out that business as usual was hard enough that it still feels too fragile to trust, but trust I must. Methinks it is getting easier.
Life willing and the maskites don't rise. . . Self-confidence might be safe. Maybe. Still stepping small and praying big as I nudge myself off farm to the mundane errands **out there**.
We see what grows.