I know exactly how you feel. For a long time, I have gotten into a comfort zone, which is basically my house. I love being in my house, alone, where it is peaceful. Leaving my house means dealing with people, having conversations, and potentially running into language barriers, because right now I live in a foreign country.

It sounds like you have the added stress of needing to come through for your family and take care of their needs. I think you should remember that you have a disorder which needs as much care and attention as a physical health condition would need. You can explain to your family that this is a serious condition and that you need to be left alone sometimes to recharge and take care of yourself. If someone is making a demand that you cannot meet, simply explain that it's not possible at this time and just be honest about the way you feel.

If there is one positive side to Robin Williams's death, it's that there is finally more willingness to be open and honest about mental illness and how serious it is. You could even use that when you are explaining to your family what you are going through.

Thanks for replying...I know I need to talk to them when I feel this way but I don't think it would go very well. They can become quite angry and mean about things. And I'd end up walking away feeling guilty and like I'm a bad person. It's happened before about things all through my life.

That's why I feel kind of helpless...

I know just how you feel. And you're right, other people don't get it. I hope you have a good day. I keep the info below on my computer desk top.

Lindsay Holmes Become a fan lindsay.holmes@huffingtonpost.com
8 Things Only People With Anxiety Understand
Posted: 05/05/2014 8:30 am EDT Updated: 05/05/2014 8:59 am EDT
For the 40 million American adults who suffer from anxiety and panic disorders, everyday life can be a little more challenging than most people realize. Theres the dreadful fear of particular events, the looming thought of a panic attack and persistent physical symptoms -- and it can be all the more difficult when you feel like no one else understands whats going on.
According to Todd Farchione, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University, there are certain stigmas that society has created for anxiety sufferers, but even more opportunities to overcome them. From touchy phrases to intense fears, below find eight things people with anxiety know to be true (and what everyone can do to help).
How annoying calm down is.
The last thing that will calm down an anxious person is telling them calm down. In fact, it may make the situation worse. According to Farchione, some research suggests that trying to calm oneself during the middle of an anxiety attack can actually increase the original emotional response in the moment. As a result, by trying not to be afraid, the sufferer may experience a more intensified reaction to whats making them fearful.
Instead of encouraging someone with anxiety to calm down, Farchione suggests offering support that shows understanding. Its a bad strategy to tell someone to calm down -- mostly because it doesnt give anyone a sense of how can they do that, he explains. If they could calm down, they would -- its an overly simplistic view of emotion. A better strategy would be asking questions like Whats making you feel this way? By voicing it and thinking about it, generally speaking, they can deal with it in a better capacity.
Panic attacks are never convenient.
Its a normal day. Youre getting ready to head out the door when suddenly, your chest constricts. Soon youre engulfed by fear -- its almost excruciating. And theres nothing you can do to stop it.
Some panic attacks come out of nowhere, without a whisper of a warning, while others are fear-induced, brought on by confronting the situation that gives them anxiety in the first place. Regardless of when it happens (or how the experience affects you personally), its never pleasant -- and its rarely convenient. When someone suffers from one of these disorders, its completely debilitating, Farchione explains. Partly just because people recognize that what theyre experiencing is irrational, but theyve learned to respond in a certain way in those situations so its a natural response to those experiences. It can be frightening.
Physical symptoms can show up in unexpected ways.
Anxiety doesnt just plague the mind -- physical symptoms can also stem from the disorder. A 2007 New Zealand study of participants with inflamed digestive tracts suggests theres a link between anxiety disorders and the development of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The high levels of stress commonly associated with anxiety can also produce symptoms that range from hives and rashes to dizziness and dry mouth.
Fear has a different meaning.
When youre dealing with anxiety, your fears are amplified to an extreme degree -- and its something that doesnt necessarily go away. Getting on a plane or walking into a room full of strangers can become excruciating, and there isnt a quick fix for how youre feeling.
As child psychiatrist Allison Baker explained, we all feel uneasy when facing uncertainty. However, those who suffer from anxiety disorders experience fear on a deeper level. We all experience anxiety in some capacity, Baker previously told HuffPost Healthy Living. It helps us prepare for speaking in public and it motivates us to practice or rehearse; everyone can relate to what that experience is like. An anxiety disorder is when those run-of-the-mill butterflies become a chronic daily experience.
In order to help a sufferer cope with whats terrifying them, many people help someone with anxiety avoid specific triggers. However, Farchione warns that this empathy can also reinforce fearful habits. Its a tricky situation -- you want to be validated, but that can lead family and friends to get into pattern of accommodation which could be a bad thing, he says. Loved ones can become sensitive to the sufferers fears, such as making sure their home is overly devoid of germs or avoiding fearful situations in order to not cause distress. Thats not helping either -- its actually catering to the fear, Farchione says. [That behavior] is saying the fear is valid and rational, which can be problematic also.
Being anxious is more than just being stressed out.
When you tell someone you have anxiety, sometimes their first reaction is to try to relate (even though stress and anxiety can be inherently different). This expression of empathy comes from a genuine place, but as most people struggling with the disorder know, it isnt always the most helpful.
Studies have shown that stress is a contagious emotion. When you have two people commiserating on the negative -- even if its coming from a place of support -- Stanford University psychiatry professor Keith Humphreys says you youre actually doing more harm than good. Its important not to obsess with each other, Humphreys told HuffPost Healthy Living. If you have two people who are anxious, they may feed off each other. If people have trouble controlling their own anxiety, try not to engage in that activity even if you think it might help.
How exhausting overthinking is (but you cant help it).
Its a toxic cycle: Your thoughts become your worries and your worries become your thoughts. But dwelling can have its consequences, according to one study published in the journal PLOS One. Researchers found that ruminating on negative thoughts is one of the biggest predictors of depression and anxiety and the psychological response to events happening is even more paramount than what actually happened.
Farchione suggests seeking help if anxiety sufferers start to get too lost in the negatives. Those emotions [anxiety sufferers] feel are real, he explains. Theyre not just made up in their head.
Your phobia can often be a punchline.
Farchione says that many people will get enjoyment out of springing triggers on people with phobias, like showing a picture of a spider to someone who has arachnophobia. Whether they have the intention of being insensitive or not, he suggests tapping into your empathetic side before making a joke. Have an appreciation for the fact that their fears, while irrational and tough to understand, for that person theyre totally real, Farchione says. Its better to treat it with courtesy and respect.
The uneasy feeling that can come with a pill bottle.
There can be a stigma attached to healing emotional and mental disorders through medication -- and those who may be using medicine to help with their anxiety may be all too familiar with the uneasy feeling that comes with taking their pills. As mental health speaker and author Tom Wootton puts it in a blog on Psychology Today, the stigma is just another outward sign of the fear of uncertainty. We can be afraid of many things, but the worst fear is of the things we are ignorant of, he wrote. The combination of fear and ignorance is so powerful that many people think fear is just another word for ignorance ... But when we understand fear and the role it plays in our condition, we can use it as a tool instead of letting it destroy us.
Farchione stresses that there is absolutely a way to move on if youre suffering from anxiety, whether its through medication, talk therapies or both. He explains that there are multiple methods of treatment -- its all about finding what works best for you. There are ways to get help and there is more than one option available, he says. They can get over this. Theres no reason that people should suffer in the way that theyre suffering.

Oh my gosh, you gave words to the feelings I've had for years.

I get frustrated, too, because I can feel just fine sitting at home. I can do all the low/no anxiety things I want with endless energy and feel great. But trying to do something that makes me anxious is like driving with the parking brake on and chains on the tires pulling me the opposite direction. There are things I TRULY want to do and when I feel good, I think "Oh, I bet I could do that!" and then I agree to it and at the last minute, I can't get myself to follow through. That's a great way to REALLY piss people off!

The physical symptoms annoy the hell out of me, too. I can get control of my thinking and the panic but the dizziness, the scalp twisting, the stabbing pain, the stomach issues. If the thinking doesn't keep me from doing things that make me anxious, the physical symptoms sure will.

I agree with Judy that it helps to see this as a physical illness - not something that is "all in your head" as others may see it. It is a physical issue with mental ramifications.

I have that issue with some of my family that see me as "high maintenance" because I can't do a lot. There is an expectation that I should participate in everything and I should help out with things I can't do or go places I just can't. They think if I wanted to badly enough I could and feel insulted when I get anxious over something - like I should see them as a safe person.

I finally got to a place where I had to just feel good about how I handled it regardless of how they reacted. Fortunately, when I assert myself and am clear with people about what I can and can't do (which isn't always even clear to me!) - and err on the side of doing less - they seem to do better with it. And those who are jerks about it I tend to just avoid.

Deep breath in! Isn't family great! : )
My entire family actually suffers from a variety of mental illnesses. We have a schitzo, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, bunch of depressed ones, and every one of us have anxiety (COuldn't imagine why? hahaha) Anyway, even people that are knowledgeable can be just as stressful. Something that works for them may not work for you and so forth.
There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first for your sanity. There is nothing wrong with concentrating on your marriage either. Set limits with your family and friends. If you can't do something, just say so. They may get mad, but more than likely they will get over it.
As for just wanting to be left alone, that is a symptom I have when I am in a depressive state. I understand how that feels. Just spend time to yourself for a bit and maybe that will help.

Dear ImpalaBlack,

I understand your love and concern for your family. But you are wise to balance that with self-care. I've learnt the hard way that if I don't care for my own mental healthy, I'm not much use to others.

I come from a toxic abusive family and had to walk away from them years ago literally for my own sanity and healing. This is not for everyone but was life-saving for me. I still grieve this loss. But also celebrate the progress and healing I've achieved which I know would not have happened if I hadn't taken this step.

I was told by my family to shut-up and put up with the abuse and stop feeling sorry for myself when I suffered with depression, anxiety etc. They lived in lah-lah happy-pretend land. I no longer dwell there thankfully!!

Finally being honest, after decade of self-abuse (anorexic/EDs/bingeing etc to numb the pain) has been the beginning of a journey of healing. Therapy and meds have been part of this. I can now accept I'm a survivor, I have PTSD and I struggle alot with anxiety but I'm not a failure or junk.

Hope some of this helps. Take courage... you have the right to look after yourself and set boundaries which are healthy for you. Kim :)

Thank you all for replying. Just talking about it and getting responses back helps me feel a little better. Some days I just feel like I am drowning in my anxiety. Today so far has been one of my better days.

I guess I just need to do what's right for me and try not to worry what people think...

I have also been thinking about this. My in laws are very positive people. All of them. Also very nice and loving much easier to deal with than my own family but they still don't get anxiety. And when I say I can't do something they seem to think I should be able to will myself to do anything with positive thinking. For example I only work one day a week because I just can't manage more. Just getting myself to work once a week takes everything I have in me. They don't understand why I'm not trying to work full time since we do want to eventually buy a house. The reason is my own well being. The more I work the more stressed, anxious and depressed I get and the more unhappy I am with my life. Honestly I wish I could manage more days because things would be easier (saving for a house etc) but I am already doing the best I can.

It's the same with house work...on bad days I can barley get up and do anything (and I think that's a mix of anxiety and depression). Which none of them understand why I am at home except one day of the week and my husband works full time yet he still does about 40-60% of the house work. It's because sometimes I am just too sick. And thank God I have him because he does understand and that's why he helps me so much.

Any one have people trying to 'fix' you with positivity?

I know they mean well but it just makes me feel worse; when I already feel guilty.

Hope this makes sense. I just got home from (my one days) work.

impalaBlack, your words, "Honestly I'd be happy just to focus on my and my husbands life and not have anyone else in it. That sounds awful but I think I'd feel so much better without having to deal with anyone else's problems or even their joy. I just want to be left alone," ..... just hit home for me as I am presently feeling sad and hurt about having to distance myself from my siblings again to take care of myself, which I have told them, but I have a strong feeling that they are taking it personally and there is nothing I can do about it. Rather than talk to me, they talk about me to one another, so I'm done being around them only to be ignored and watch them talk to one another like I'm not there, just like in childhood. They weren't there for me then and are not supportive now, so it's for the best in my case. I strongly encourage you to continue to listen to your inner voice and do what is best for you and create the life you want to live, free of as much stress as possible : ) Whatever that means to you!