Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
All I am capable of doing these days is disappointing everyone around me as well as myself. I’m 19, I’ve had to withdrawal from college two separate times within the last year because my anxiety/depression was out of control. I’ve been taking a break from school since October, tried some new medications and therapy, but I’m still just as much of a disappointment as I’ve been. A year ago I interviewed for 3 different part time jobs, gotten accepted to each of them, but chickened out on actually going on the first day. And right now I am in that SAME position. I already interviewed, accepted, and went back in to get my uniform and tomorrow is supposed to be my first day. However, the job is a going to be a lot more stressful than I thought it would be. Yesterday I tried to completely remove myself from the reality of the fact that I am incredibly anxious. I spent the whole day in bed feeling numb. Today I have been in constant tears and decided to come here after having a panic attack about the whole situation. Basically I have 3 options. Either take the job as is and go tomorrow, go tomorrow but speak to the boss about having less responsibility, or call in and explain how I don’t think it would be a good fit. I wish someone would tell me what to do, however, when someone DOES tell me (like my mom saying “just go try it” or my therapist saying “go and talk about less responsibilities”) I absolutely FREAK OUT!! That’s why I just had a panic attack because of my mom telling me to just go and try something. But when I think about not going, I am so relieved yet I also hate myself. Regardless, I hate how difficult it is for me to do something that “normal” people have no trouble doing. I start to worry that this is what my entire life will be like and I won’t be able to handle an education or paying for an education because I’m incapable of doing everyday activities. And I worry about how I’m constantly disappointing my parents and wasting their money and even though they say it’s okay, it’s really not, and what if I have to depend on them forever. Also this is stupid, but I live in a small town and there’re a lot of people who I went to school with at this job, and I’m worried about them seeing me. My appearance has changed a lot bc last time I was in school I was really deep into my eating disorder, and I always get comments about how “oh wow I didn’t recognize you” (because I’m bigger) OR they completely don’t know me because I was (still am) a weirdo in school who was too socially awkward to make friends. And my new medicine makes my face break out like crazy, and see, now I’m just making excuses for myself. Anyway, thanks to anyone who made it to the end of this. Don’t know what I’m gonna do, probably will end up hating myself more either way.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
What I did to change that was make a giant leap of faith in the direction I wanted to and I dont regret anything about doing that either! You gotta have a tiny bit of faith and even a grain of salt of courage and thats all it takes to gain power back. And to be honest- if you dont like it- you can somthing else and take a leap of faith towards somthing different. Im 34 now and I have tried almost every job possible and love every minute of doing it. Think about it that its a leap forward to newer and better goals- try this job while you try to apply outside of your town and build a whole new life for yourself!
I moved out on my own at 17 - got a manager job right away at Hallmark and never looked back.
And also- remember - "Normal" is just anouther label. Make your own label cause no one wants to be normal anyways- I know I dont :)
Back here in the real world, anxiety is one mean, lying demon. "You are a disappointment to everyone." is one of the kinder lies my anxiety demon tells me. I'll spare you the list of lies my anxiety tells me. It's gnarly. . .
My therapy support network is where I go to sort the lies my anxiety is telling me from the functional truths I have to work with. Even with medication, it's not a quick nor easy fix, but it sure works better than trying to muscle my way through. To date, efforts to muscle my way through have not done anything more than add more dings to my already damaged self-esteem. I've had greater success with letting my muscles rest while I lean on my most trusted therapy supporters.
It's okay if you don't know what to do. When I don't know is when I am most open to outside support.
Continued support while you sort your own, Search. Listening. . .
Your thought pattern is specific in this post, and it's easy to begin the changing of the pattern to build your better balance.
Job...work...people...rules...standards...four separate ways that have to be in order for you to receive a paycheck. Try it out, look for the goal you set for yourself in doing this position.
To change the thought pattern, you have to physically make the effort to continue until you meet the goal you set for yourself in the beginning.
Leave your idea of "normal" out of the thought process. You have not figured out where your calm balance is, so you are basing "normal" on a thought you have not found to be comfortable.
Practice standing in front of a mirror and saying three nice things to yourself every single day. Practice smiling and standing confidently until you can feel it and do this every time you feel overwhelmed.
Stay hydrated. Practice "in the moment" focus to stay in task no matter where you are.
Best wishes.