I recently joined in search for a support group for trich, I was glad to find that this website includes a support group for anxiety. My post may be a little lengthy so I will get to the point as quickly as I can. Just to start off I am 21, the year 2016 was extremely rough from start to finish LITERALLY. In January of 2016, my boyfriend was injured at a party that we went to by my ex and my ex's friends. Mind you my ex and I dated for four months back in 2012 (some people just cannot move on). We had already been having a few issues wih him contacting me in which I absolutely did not want to have any form of contact with him because after our break up, my junior year of high school was hell. He does not hang around the best people, so it was my boyfriend and I fighting against five people (I promise we are not crazy party people this was the ONE time we went out this happend) his friends were not present and my "friends" were not helpful. I ended up taking him to the hospital to get stitches. I was fearful in the city where we lived. People from high school had their comments and made fun of my boyfriend mainly for what happened. I was really deeply hurt and felt like the situation was my fault because had  I neve dated him, we would not have been in the situation. That was the first wave that I had people turn their backs on me because they thought that I put the blame on the girl who's house the party was at... After that happened I was fearful about going out and about with my family, my boyfriend or by myself. I was scared and always watching the door at restaurants or looking around constantly to see who was there. I would start to feel my anxiety coming up and it was really hard for me to live normally. 

Fast forward to September-December of 2016

I had roomed with a girl who I barely knew for school. All I knew was that she was a stripper and she told me she would never really be at the apartment because she would be gone for the weekend doing her dirty work. After a while I got severly uncomfortable because she would bring guys over that she had just met, and when they would spend the night, I found out they would be using my bathroom to brush their teeth or pee in the mornings. I would feel really embarassed because sometimes I would leave personal items out and I felt as if my privacy was invaded. She and my "friend" had got into some petty argument in which I was of course included in. The situation turned into a huge mess and after weeks passed I decided to move out. When I left she would harrass me and blow up my phone with random numbers or on private. She would talk crap about me on twitter and say that I was dirty, a bad friend, and that she would pull up on me and kill me or beat for the rent money I "owed" her. Of course talking to the police in a small town they did nothing so I had to report the activity to my hometown police creating a statement against the fact that she was harrassing me.

On top of that little did I know that my "friend" was plotting behind my back with a girl that I absolutely cannot stand from highschool. She would spread rumors about me in high school and make fun of my disorder, and when I would confront her she would cry and after four years she just never got over it. I have not spoken to her or anything nor does she know anything about me because I cut her off as soon as I quit my high school dance team because she is just not a friend nor have I ever considered her to be one and we were no longer on a team together so I of course have no obligations to her. My "friend" and this girl too begn harrassing me and saying that I was talking about them and a lot of other people that I had no association with. I never defended myself because it was the ending of our friendship and I just did not have time to deal with it because I was dealing with a psycho ex roommate and I had left school in the middle of my semester to come home....

I was fearful, hurt, angry, and I felt like crap for letting all this petty high school drama get in my way. Whenever a phone would ring, or my phone woould ring my heart would drop especially if it was an unknown number that popped up on my screen.. So on top of me not fully recovering from the boyfriend situation I waas dealing with all these girls literally trying to ruin me.. It is embarrassing to talk aboout but it makes me angry, I deleted my social media and attempted suicide by jumping off a high cliff into deep water with no intentions on making it.

A year has gone by and although I have remade my accounts I have blocked literally everyone and I try not to think about those memories.  I would cry a lot and I had lost twenty pounds in the course of three weeks, and on top of me pulling out my hair due to trich, the stress and malnutrition caused my hair to fall out too. I spend a lot of nights in prayer, or I will silently cry to myself because I still feel like I have to hide in the shadows or someone will just attack me. I just get super paranoid and anxious especially when I go to walmart or target with my mom. I pray that I will heal but it is really tough. Surrounded by abuse that I suffered as a child it is hard to cope and deal with all these things at once. Most of the time I think I am alone and that everyone in my family just thinks I am being crazy or over dramatic....... I am too nice for my own good and in 2016 I was very naive to certain signs that I should hav noticed to keep me out of trouble. I try to stay focused on school and work, but somedays I am fearful of my anxiety attacs and just choose to stay in my dark room, wrapped up in blankets. 

Pray for me.. sorry this is so long