Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Can I respectfully note that it can be difficult dealing with people with anxiety and/or depression. Pam is out of a job, you spend 3 and a 1/2 hours preparing an analysis, providing improvements to her resume, identifying places to contact, and outling a program to get her a new and better position. But she wants to lament how bad she feels and how unfair the process has been, and wants you to sympathize with her not once or twice but maybe 50 or hundred times.
If you're bleeding and I have a tourniquet to stop it, it's frustrating that you don't want you to use it. Can we note how frustrating it is not to implement solutions but instead to be there condoning a mistaken course. My job involved some public speaking, several people said you did well, don't let things get you down, but one person in authority pointed to a whole lot of uhs and pauses, why don't you write your speech out so it flows smoothly. And while that hurt for a brief time, it was tremendously helpful, and its hard to have people tell you about their problems, but resist efforts to solve them.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
on the patient side of that desk, i always feel victimized by "help" coached in the spirit of "me right, you wrong." votes of confidence that i can sort my own psycho snot knots get me further than yet another authority on what i OUGHT to be.
buttttttttaaaaaa. . .
i'm probably just another hopeless defective for not adhering to your wise authority and expert advice.
At work, I’m a boss. I get to delegate work, provide feedback and manage people and their work product. At home, I’m a partner. I come at things with my spouse very differently. It’s much more nuanced and I actually don’t want to tell him how to do something. I offer suggestions but it’s ultimately his decision or issue to solve, whatever it is. Conversely he is terrible with giving feedback because it comes across more like a mandate than a suggestion. Nothing makes me more defiant, even if I might ultimately agree with him, than him trying to “manage” my decisions, how I should do things, etc.
Offer your wife suggestions and then drop it if she doesn’t take your suggestions. Listen, I hate being around constant complaining and lamenting. So I get that frustration. I do though think for some people that is a form of processing and working through their stuff. It may not seem like it though. I would just not invest so much into getting her to do what you want her to do. You both will resent each other for it.
A while back, my therapist told me that if someone is complaining, they don't necessarily want you to fix their issue. Rather, they are look to have their feelings validated and suggesting a fix right away can be counter-productive.
Although difficult, listening may be what your wife is craving. Offering a fix can make your wife feel like you're saying, "I've offered you a solution, now please be quiet. Your problem isn't that important because I just told you how to fix it." By listening, you're saying that you understand that what she is saying is hurting her.
This lesson took me a long time to learn. I hope it may help you.
As a wife of a man whose idea of listening is to 'fix' it, I can tell you that I am polite and let him say what he does without disagreeing or showing any sign that that is not what I needed from him. I accept that is how he handles listening.
You work on the evidence side and it's impressive! I'm glad you are able to offer her that!
Those feelings are in her mind front and center and they have to be dealt with effectively to allow her to heal the 'hurt' within her mind.
Once my husband realized that the 'hurt' was more than just a single event, he started doing more activities to get me out and walking (thus the beach became my calming place). He still shared his efforts, in a calm and gentle voice, quietly.
It took me a long time to recover my balance so I could handle interviews in a professional manner,
Look for the clues in what works and what adds to the chaos of confusion for choices. When she's overwhelmed, distract long enough for her to catch her breath, calm, and then take another direction to work her options quietly.
It's good that you reached out here! Best wishes helping her so you can relax again!