Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
One thing that I've learned about myself is that I need to be occupied, and if I am not occupied my mind will fill that void with a whole shit ton of negativity. So honestly the way I have survived my anxiety is by making myself so tired that there is no time/energy left to worry about things. I do gym/running a lot. Then in my free time I read/write/play guitar, etc. It sucks to fear silence, because I feel like therein lies my hope for peace of mind. I don't know why one day I woke up and decided that I'm not a good person and that I should fear my own heart and mind and being. I mean my actions are good, but I can't shake the incessant anxious assertion that I am not good. I think it partly comes from the first worst night I had with anxiety. I had never experienced panic attacks before, and this one was so bad that I woke up my family and I begged them to commit me somewhere because I was afraid that I would hurt someone or myself. Worst night of my life hands down. I have since gotten a lot better with anxiety. Understanding now that it was there all along just under the surface, just waiting for a trauma to release it. But because I had that one night where I felt like I could hurt someone, not because I wanted to, but because I thought I might somehow blackout and not be in control of my own body, the panic was so great. Ever since then I have lived in fear of myself. Some days it's better and some days it's worse. I am not an angry or violent person, but I have this irrational fear of losing my mind because of the anxiety, and I start to worry that I could hurt someone. Again I haven't had these feelings all that much in years, but it still dictates the course of my life. Like marriage, forget about it. How could I ever be worthy, when I could one day snap, I won't will that upon another. Some jobs I run far away from, i.e. working with/near children. I am scared that I could lose it and hurt one of them. Does anyone else's anxiety manifest itself this way? For me one of the most important things in life is to be good, and the anxiety has attacked this central pillar of myself, and now it's difficult to stand. I feel like I can't rely on anything, I can't trust in anything, because the one thing that I thought I would never doubt (that I'm a good man) has been tarnished by anxiety. Like I was certain I had been in love before. Now looking back I doubt it was love, because I doubt everything now. It's like Cartesian doubt, if I can doubt part of myself then I must doubt it all.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Recognizing the thought is valuable to finding your inner calm, inner strength, and your ability to manage the process in a way that allows you to feel safe within your own skin.
Best wishes. You are not alone with this.
If it were not for me journaling, I swear I would lose what marbles I have left! Sometimes I will start typing out a journal here and it will end up being so long, I know nobody will read it, but that is not really what I am after, I am after getting all my feelings out of my head! Sometimes my husband will look my way and ask me if I am writing a book, well sometimes my journals do look like a book! But it helps ME!
Staying busy is usually good for me also, but I can also be in the middle of doing something either at home or at the store and BAM...BAM...BAM...I feel like I am going to have to run to the restroom to get sick or because my nerves are shot, if you get my drift! My heart starts racing, I get REALLY burning up hot, I have to sit down, I can't breath and I usually reach for my xanax at that point and sit until it passes!
I have not worked in about 5 years and the thought of going back to work even 8 hours a week scares me to no end! I only put in application in and I am already stressing and getting all panic-y over it all!
The other thing that is really odd with me is there are just certain stores I cannot go in at all with out an INSTANT panic attack. One is our walmart in our town and the other is the place I am trying to get a job! But we may need this money really bad, so I have to suck it up and just take my meds when I need them! I HATE taking meds, but it is not an option anymore. I have been dealing with anxiety and attacks since I was in high school and that was almost 30 years ago, so meds are the only way I can deal!
Keep on posting, you will find alot of people are feeling exactly like you are! Make some friends and we will all be there for you as we are there for everybody here!
I recently graduated from college after 5 years, and I love art. I took this one art class that sadly only lasts a few weeks, which I thought should go on for a whole semester it was that awesome. It was a sketchbook class, and there were no limitations. You could do whatever you wanted. Draw, write, burn pages, rub whatever. Within those few weeks, I had written at least 5 pages of song lyrics that really touched me (mainly Green Day), and what best described how I was feeling. I was feeling pretty damn depressed and anxious that time, so that class couldn't come at a better time. It kept me busy for hours. Cleaning is SO theraputic for me. It's like starting off on a clean slate and starting fresh. It cleans the mind. So I usually clean at least 2-3x's a week.
Sometimes I know that packing your schedule to avoid that one relaxing moment. But for me sometimes, I think having too much packed into one day, really scares me. To me it seems like I don't have breathing room to actually think and take a breather away from my stressor. So, I guess it really depends.
I can't say that I have felt where I was fearful enough that I would black out and go all out. I have not felt that, yet. But I wish you the best. No matter what it is that keeps you busy, whether it's cleaning, listening to music, or running, just don't stop and you'll be okay. I wish you the best! :)