Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I have general anxiety and intense social anxiety. The xanax doesn't even help much anymore. This post concerns my workplace, where until recently I felt pretty comfortable.
I have been at the same job for about 4 years. 2 years ago, a new employee "Karen" started with whom I felt I had a pleasant rapport. We shared interests, understood the same cultural references, sense of humor, generally enjoyed one anothers' company. Since we started working together, some other new employees have started in our same department. She struck up friendships with several of these, becoming socially involved with them outside of work. What's puzzling to me is that she (Karen) and I seemed to get along just as well with one another as she did with the new employees. The only difference is that whenever I suggested we meet outside work, she has gently brushed me off or acted very ambivalent and vague about it. A year has past and she has since become very closely bonded with our other coworkers, has invited them to her wedding even. I was not invited, nor was I expecting to be, but it feels more personal since I found out her other workplace friends will all be attending her wedding as well as being generally involved in her life.
I am dying to find out what it is about me that she feels the need to keep me at arm's length. Again, we seem to get along just as well as she does with our other coworkers. I wish I knew why she has chosen to exclude me. It's gradually become very painful. I feel stupid for apparently overestimating how much she likes me. I don't feel like I can come out and ask her the reason, because it seems pathetic and desperate of me, and she's unlikely to tell me the real reason if she thinks it will hurt my feelings so I can't count on her to be completely honest. I also feel in fairness she doesn't really owe me an explanation; her thoughts about me are private. As they say "It's none of my business what other people think of me"
Does this situation sound familiar to anyone else? How do you cope with it? Any insights?
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
You are at work to get paid, not to make friends.
The fact is you already stated she is not going to be completely honest with you. That tells me that something that was expressed between the two of you did not reflect well for future connection outside of the work place.
Rather than focus on the personal connections between everyone in the work place, keep your reflections, conversations, and observations strictly to the professional behavior and work ethic in the work place.
Find an activity you can be comfortable with and make outside personal connections.
Once an "exclusion" has occurred within the work place, it often relates to increased anxiety. To remove the anxiety factor, it is important to stay focused strictly on the work factor and to be professional in both conversations and all actions.
Be positive. Be confident. You are stronger than you realize.
This will resolve itself, one way or another. Your goal within the work place is to do your best, as that is what you are getting paid for.
There are problems with friendships within a department that exclude co-workers. It creates a hostile work environment unintentionally. What we did when it changed our work environment was take a huge step back, keep professional, and limit conversation to work subjects. Every time it was made personal, people changed the subject or walked away.
Take the high road on being professional and then do activities in your personal time that are fun, help you relax, and make friendships that are not based in the work place.
You can be friendly without being friends, more a business acquaintance, and provide a positive work environment that is respected by everyone.
The work place friends that attend weddings often fall apart when the work connection no longer exists. By keeping your view in the work place professional, it will be easier to move forward through the work place changes.
Best wishes. Hope this helps. You are not alone.
Then I go ply therapy tools for the social anxiety. . . Social anxiety is one mean phenom.
I have over the years often had acquaintances and intimate relationships with people around 10-20 years younger than me. I'm not married and don't have children and I work service jobs to supplement my income as an artist. Being an artist is pretty solitary, so it's at these jobs where I meet people and in many cases they are younger than myself. I like the same stuff they do (moreso than people my own age) and don't usually have a problem getting along with them. By the way I do have friends my own age, just not where I'm currently living.
I guess what's most distressing about the difference between how I view my dynamic with my coworkers and how they apparently view it is that I'm usually pretty good at sensing where I stand with people. I'm not used to being this surprised. I'm not a presumptuous person. Throughout our acquaintance I made a couple of tentative suggestions to make plans with Karen outside of work, and she did not seem receptive so I stopped. I would never want to nag someone who wasn't interested nor would I want them to agree to something they don't really want to do just to appease me.
So I go in to work and every time she works with me, we have a pleasant time. We chat, we joke, we get lunch together. We have exchanged small gifts during holidays. We discuss gaming, fashion and other interests we share, not to mention how her wedding plans are going. Does this seem weird to anyone else? I'm not invited to her wedding, and 3 of our coworkers are. Is she trying to send a message by talking about her wedding to remind me that I'm just a work buddy and not a friend?
I suppose it's the inclusion of our other coworkers that makes her exclusion of me feel so personal. I ask myself why are they so much more socially attractive than I am. This is part what is making the situation awkward for me. What am I not seeing? What am I doing that would make someone who otherwise seems to like me want to keep me at arm's length? Maybe I'm just not as fun as I thought I was.
Good Luck!