Sounds SO familiar. I'd add that I'm also afraid that if I get put on hold I'll get disconnected. And if I don't get disconnected, then when they come back on the phone the answer will be no for whatever it was I was asking about. Meds have helped me deal with this anxiety, and so I am accumulating a history of calls that don't go so bad. But to some extent I simply have grown to accept that I have anxiety disorders so of course I freak out if I have to make a phone call, or confront someone face to face or in email, etc. Somehow accepting that I am not perfect and neither is anyone else has made my anxiety less anxious (if that makes sense) in these situations. I hope something I said is helpful. May God bless your day.

That does make sense. For me, it's this overwhelming fear that I'll come across as inept. To everything. It's a completely unrealistic expectation of myself to know and understand pretty much everything and thinking that if I don't know something or don't understand something that I will be judged as stupid and incompetent. Your comment on how no one is perfect helps, I'm going to try to keep that in mind. I can't know everything, I can't understand everything. It doesn't make me inept as an adult. Intellectually, I know that. Clearly, my anxiety does not. I think holding onto the thought that there's something that everyone is not good at or doesn't know or understand could really help me calm down in these situations. Thank you!

Agree with Gladmatt on accepting no one is perfect including me. I suppose overthink is common to all here and I am trying to change the nature of how I overthink to avoid the pitfall of anxiety. I try to ruminate to the point of assuring a positive or neutral outcome in communication with others that have been historically problematic. If the communication was successful then I reward myself with the affirmation that it has helped. That way too unexpected or negative outcomes become a learning point for future conversations with all. Hope this helps.

During and after dealing my husbands cancer treatment and loss of the battle I was constantly having to make and interpret the calls to professionals in their area of knowledge. I was as afraid of asking questions that they might think were stupid. But they were not under my stress.
Before call set up a notes page.
Name of agent: __________(ext. too in case of disconnect.)
Make a list of talking points on a page. Leave room under each point or number them,for their response and read it back to them to make sure you understand what they said.
Tell them if a phrase or word is outside of your knowledge. Ask them to elaborate because this is their territory.

Also what Gladmatt said is something that does help. I may not have been an expert in their territory, but they were also not one in mine.., Living with a cancer patient and all that it took to keep him at ease with a terminal diagnosis in that case. One that had my heart. It wasn't long before I could speak in their terms.

Hugs and support.

I seem to have the same issues but in restaurant situations. I try to avoid them as much as I can.
Any idea how we can help each other over come these issues?

Anxiety, depression and anger - the three are completely interconnected - and rarely does a person suffer from one without having at least a trace of another one (or two!).

Anger is just the manifestation of "control" - when we feel threatened in some way (even being misunderstood, or looking "stupid") we react in an effort to control the situation.

The way you described your own experiences, it is very much anxiety related with the obsessing and "futuristic" thinking. Worry about the call leading up to the actual call - that is worrying about something "in the future".

Work on your anxiety. I suggest CBT. Also meditation. Work on "self care" and feel empowered in taking care of yourself. As your anxiety begins to calm down, so too will your anger. Do not try to work on the separate, as the two share the same roots.

Wishing you peace.

I have to ask if you have been punished for not understanding as a child. not understanding is a neutral beginning point. Einstein started there. So did Newton, Curie, Rutherfurd.

Every single person who has added anything to the world has been entirely laid back about the idea of being wrong, it's a fundamental basis for any education there is.

Anyone who goes to university is okay with looking like a fool. Even if they have to spend half an hour asking again and again, saying 'i just don't understand' or 'sorry can you please break this down for me like I'm six?'


This is normal behaviour in the academic world. why?

Because not knowing and asking is the basis for all constructive thought in the universe. It is perfectly okay to know nothing. It is perfectly okay to not understand.

What you are afraid of is not looking incompetent

What you are afraid of is being judged harshly by bigots.

That's different. You're afraid that superficial bigots will put you down for not knowing something you are asking a question about.

Come on. Break that down. :) Break it down for me baby.... :)

I find when I have an anxiety reaction I have to go and have the thing. Let it happen and be gone - and then do the task. I manage panic. it's a part of the context of my life. Like a tree in the street. I have to get round it.

There are two sides to getting past it. 1. thinking strategically about what you know is going to happen to your body, and 2. asking yourself to confront what is freaking you out, and really deeply explore it, and come to your own confident understanding about it.

I completely understand the frustration part of anxiety. My thoughts get so blown out of proportion sometimes I just want to scream, and most of the time I do. I am not sure about you, but a lot of times it's just really irrational thinking for me. My best advice was an exercise I learned in therapy called "Leaves on a Stream". You can YouTube it or whatever, but basically it's a way to try and better cope with or control excessive thoughts. It takes some practice, but when I got the hang of it I found it to be extremely helpful. I highly recommend. Best of luck.