I just joined this group, and have never really been an online fourm type of person. I read some of he threads in this group, realizing that I'm truly not alone in tackling this. Recently, through intensive therapy and some active periods of self-learning and self-growth, I started to recognize where it all began. Not to be corny, but it truly did start in my childhood. I had an overall happy childhood with loving parents-- nothing was actually "wrong". However, I remember feeling the 100 pound weight on my chest at the age of four. I remember having my thoughts spiral. I remember never sleeping / not sleeping, since the age of three. My anxitey (without my knowing) took over so many parts of my life, and especially took over sleep. To this day, I am a terrible sleeper. If nothing is wrong, I glean my brain for something to be anxious about. I started keeping a graditute journal, doing meditation with imagrey, and being more honest with myself. I knew I was somewhat anxious, but recently by diving back into my old behaviors, especially concering abnormality with sleep, I've realized that anxiety is a part of me. It's shocking how it's related to every aspect of my life.
For sleep, I couldn't sleep in a room alone. I thought someone would come after me, or something was after me. I was absolutely terrified. If I wasn't terrified, it's almost like I was bored but my body didn't want to let go. I had bunk beds with my sister and struggled even in a bed by myself. I was convinced that if I was alone, something bad would happen but if I was in the prescence of someone else, I would be okay. I know my parents loved me, and thought it was weird, but never saw it for as abnormal or a clear symtom of anxiety. I'm hoping to connect with some people on this group, and constantly try to feel better/ be in control of my anxiety. I'm building my tool box now for emotional regulation. I'm so sick of my anxious brain running my life for me. But will I ever truly be in control? What would anxiety in control even feel like?
All the good vibes out there for everyone today.
Has anyone ever experienced blacking out from anxiety. yesterday I had a disociative attack and I dont know how to deal with it. I keep spiriling thinking about it and I just feel so embarrassed about how I looked and the episode. All I want to do is be invisable right now and I cant stop focusing on it. Sorry if im just rambling I just dont know if anyone has experienced that too.
My adult son was arrested 2 weeks ago on some very serious charges which he vehemently denies (I believe him and so does his court appointed attorney). It is a terrible situation. The kind that tears a family in two.He is in a very violent jail, one of the more violent in the country. He is scared and confused, I am heartbroken and devestated. This is the first experience in our family with the...