Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I have general anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I get upset real easy. My son is 15. over the last year he has told me he has dipped, smoked cigs, pot, drank. This weekend he told me he was having sex. I have cried and stayed in my room for 2 days, I am at a total loss of how to let go of this. I feel like i have lost my son. does anyone who has been through this have any advice.
Broken hearted in GA
Broken hearted in GA
My 18 year old has been caught with pot too.
As parents, we don't want to see our children make mistakes that will harm them. My children know exactly where my husband and I stand on this issue. They know right from wrong.
We talk to them, offer guidance, tried grounding and taking away things. I even sent my younger teenager to live with his grandparents for a few weeks (they live in the country with only 3 channels of TV and no computer).
Prayer is the biggest tool I have used. I pray for angels to guide my children, for the holy spirit to keep them on the right path, for good friends to be a positive influence in their lives.
When I was a teenager I made some pretty big mistakes and I also tried many of the things listed above. I turned out to be a decent human being and drugs and alcohol have no part of my life.
Let go and let God. I hope this helps you a little bit if just to know that you are not alone and my boys are making my hair gray too!
My wife is a good example. She could not understand why anyone would want to put a drug into their precious body - have sex and take the associated risks or not treat themselves - their bodies and and other people with deep respect and care. She was given core self esteem by her family and it shows in her entire life. I have thanked her parents on many occasions for the gifts they gave her and the gift she is to me.
I have a very important question for you. Do you and your wife have children? If so, how many and what are there ages?
I respectfully disagree with your statement about family dynamics being the cause of bad behavior and choices.
However, talking to someone is a good choice.
Children are physically maturing at earlier and earlier ages, yet as a society, we put off what is considered to be adulthood later and later. We do not address that adolescents are becoming sexually mature at age twelve or earlier. Then, we develop this idealized notion in abstinence that does not work out in the real world. God, if I would have a fifteen year old child who was having sex, I think I would pull my hair out if I had any left.
I went to high school with kids that were having sex, drinking, smoking, and toking when they were fourteen or fifteen, if not younger, who came from good families. Most of them turned out okay in life. I was Mr. Goody Two Shoes and now I'm a nervous wreck and can't even buy a job.
I think your boy is growing up and making some of his own decisions. I am surprised that he has told you, though. I do not know if it is genuine openness or he is gloating about in genuine teenage rebellion fashion, probably the latter. In effect, he is saying, "Look at me Mom; you have no control over my actions."
Now, you have to make a decision. Either you assert your control over him and perhaps seek out help to do so or you allow him to be himself and just be there for support. He is growing into his own person and making his own choices regardless. At that age, they seldom think of the consequences of their actions. If they are told about the consequences, sometimes it doesn't sink in. In order for people to explore the world, they have to have a sense that, "It can't happen to me," especially at that age.
I wish I could offer you more. Instead, I knew plenty of kids who were like your son and they turned out fine.
As the Bible says the sins of the fathers are passed to the children. A parent who passes dysfunction to a child in most cases have no idea they are dong it. Unless we have done lots of our own internal work we wont ever see the pathology. Even families that look good to the untrained observer can have major flaws in imparting healthy childhood development stages.
In any family that has more than one child each child can have unique needs for their proper development. Most parents are not equipped to ascertain and provide these needs - so the one size fits all leaves one or more members with unmet development needs. This is why children from the same family can have radically different life outcomes.
One of my good friends who is a nationally respected family psychologist has studied these dynamics for 42 years and written 9 books on it and he says he is still learning. We just spent over an hour yesterday talking on this same subject.
Most people have enough core personality strength to act out for a while as children and then take on socially acceptable roles and move forward. They still have the wounding's and may suffer internally but it wont look pathological to the untrained observer.
Take for instance the workaholic - look socially acceptable while his behavior tears families and his body apart and at his/her core they are miserable and are just acting out old wounds in more acceptable ways. We see the same thing in perfectionists - they are great employees while they suffer internally.
Learning to accept responsiblity for self and the choices and consequences is a life long learning lesson.
You will get a lot of different opinions. I have never believed that diving back into your past and digging up dysfunction is helpful. Sometimes people look for dysfunction to appease their therapist. Kind of like the child who says he has dog too to be part of a conversation about pets even though he doesn't. Others feel differently.
Don't give up on your son. He is going through hormone changes, testing and pushing limits and teenagers all have that fearless attitude that "it won't happen to me" or "I won't get caught" That is researched fact.
Again, you are not alone. And I am not a doctor or a professional of any kind. Just an average mom with teenagers of my own. I have 3 sons (21, 18 and 10).
Thanks
Sheila