Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I hate this crap. I take meds for it but it still will show up. Like tonight cus my complacated boyfriend is not home yet. He lives across from me so I know this. When I saw him earlier today he said he wasn't going to do a thing today. Later on about 3:30 or so his truck was gone. It is almost 10 pm and he is still not home. My logic tells me since his birthday is Tuesday his kids or siblings gave him a surprise birthday party tonight. That is what his family does. A couple of mos ago they did it to his brother Dana. So I am clinging to that thought. And pray I am right. When I see him tomorrow I'm sure he will tell me where he's been, if not I will ask him for sure. I know we are not comminted but I love the guy, even tho he doesn't know that. He's not ready for a relationship due to his ex kicking him out 5 mos ago. He is the reson I got anxiety in the first place. I know it's crazy. Never been this way about a man in the past.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
a not so funny part of my own anxiety is that it can target damned near anything, person, place or ideal. i get further by shifting my focus from the subject of my current obsession to the broader fact that i am obsessing. there are therapy tools for that. making a post or journal entry something like this one is among my more effective therapy tools. getting the current obsession into words helps me get a handle on ^it^. sometimes writing and/or sharing even helps me figure out what --if anything-- to do abourt ^it^.
but that is me and every case is unique.
steadying support while you sort your own.
What I mean is, here are maybe things you could think about -
You say he is your boyfriend but has he said you are his girlfriend? Because you deserve to have these terms be reciprocal.
He has said, and from the beginning, that he is not ready for a relationship. The question is - are you willing to wait? For how long? Another year, 5 years, 10 years? Your life is here, right now, and worth living. Not waiting around for a guy to decide if he wants to be with you or not.
I know there was a concern because he drove his ex wife to her doctor appointment a month or so ago. I am wondering if this is why your anxiety is higher now. Do you think he was with her tonight... are thoughts going there, even with no proof that he is seeing her again?
I am only trying to give you things to think about. Not trying to upset you or anything.
The fact is, no person can *give* us anxiety. It is all in how we perceive the situation. Anxiety always, always, always comes from within US. OUR thoughts, our perception of a situation, what WE think is happening in our anxious moment. (In this case - Am I just worried that he is with his ex? Are my past insecurities shining through at the moment? Was he supposed to check in and let me know if he goes anywhere for the evening? Or do I just wish that he would have told me? Do I wish that I meant more to him in general?).
I was also wondering if you have looked into any therapy? For anxiety, but possibly co-dependency....no shame in that, and it could really, really help you to have a happier, more fulfilling life. I know the situation with this guy living across the street has been a source of stress for you from the beginning. Therapy could really help sort out your feelings, thoughts. You deserve to feel happy!
This individual is a neighbor, There's a boundary to define distance, privacy, and balance.
I suspect from how you've written your post that you're still learning how to work with boundaries in general.
Feelings have no boundaries. It's up to us to choose how we act, react, speak, respond, and make choices with decisions. We are not responsible for what others say, do, and act. We are responsible for what we say, do, act, and respond.
Therapy will definitely help you to figure out what's what in your choices with decisions.
Focus on things you can do for yourself and let him live his life and share it at his pace, Figure out the difference between being friendly, being friends, and having a friendly relationship, being friends relationship, and do the same for the word, 'commitment'.
Boundaries exist, Learning exactly how to make them work positively takes work.
Hope you find your calm in this situation.
No he has never called me his girlfriend. I am a good good friend. What we do together is no one's business. Which is true. It's only been 5 mos and I know I should wait at least a year to see what happens. He used to call me and tell what he has planed but he is the type that doesn't always know what he is going to be doing. His family is huge. 3 kids, 4 sisters and 3 brothers If his one daughter calls he will be there in a min. He is a big family man. I do not have such a thing. I have just a sister and her husband. My one brother is in Ohio and the other one is not speaking to us.
I also got hurt tonight cus I wanted to make love and he didn't. He said he was not in the mood, he was not horny. He didn't know why, he just wasn't. I came home and after awhile called him and asked if he was mad at me and he said No and said he might be getting a pizza for supper so I went over with some money to buy a piece off of him. I didn't feel like cooking either. I only stayed long enough for the pizza to get here and eat it and then came home. We seemed ok during that time. He is hot and cold and it drives me crazy. I just don't get it. I know he's not ready for a commitment yet. I want one so bad I can taste it. It's been at least 4 yrs since I've been with someone and at our age I feel why wait? It' s all crazy to me. I was getting therapy for the anxiety but it's $25 a phone call. I can't afford that and i still owe them $. I miss talking to that lady too. But I am on disability and money is tight some months. Esp with Christmas just around the corner. I am tired so I am going to bed. Thanks again!
This guy has whatever issues he has, but it's nothing about you personally, he just isn't ready for any type of relationship or any commitments and he may never be ready.
You said at your age, you feel Why Wait? But, he might not see it that way and he doesn't want to be in a relationship, as he has told you. I think you think you can change him, or he will change later.... but we can't change anyone. We can only change ourselves and how we react to a situation or to a person.
I know this situation has made your anxiety worse, and that's why I'm saying that a good, healthy relationship does not cause any anxiety at all.
It's okay for you to date other people, and it would probably be a good idea to go out on dates and have some fun. In the meanwhile, give this guy as much space as possible. As said before and above, he is a neighbor. He needs his boundaries and privacy, too.
Stay busy, go out with friends, talk to new guys. Have fun now, not stress over this one guy! I am fairly sure he will never change his stance. Never.