Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Does anyone have a spouse or loved one that does not completely understand what an anxiety disorder does to you. How do you cope or say?
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Stop, pause, breathe, option, repeat until calm and clear headed.
You can not expect someone who has NOT experienced anxiety first hand to understand it. So, instead of talking to or at the other person, work on what works for you to manage it quietly.
personally, i hope my spouse never understands the inside track of an anxiety disorder. his level-headed objectivity is my lifeline. thank you is enough to say to him.
for coping with all the psycho snot knots of my own psychiatric disorders (i have a smorgasbord of them), i lean heavily on my therapy support network. i wouldn't wish complete understanding of this condition on my loved ones, but it is nice to know i'm not alone with ^it^.
this very forum is one of the nodes on my therapy support network. i hope it serves you as well as it has served me.
welcome aboard.
finding words for ^it^ is always my first step.
keep writing, louson. you are not alone.
It may be helpful for you to set forth what family members should do and why it will help.
I have had an anxiety disorder for over 25 years. I have never been with a significant other that has anxiety. I actually think it works out better that way. If both of us had bad anxiety.... how would anything get accomplished? :-)
I am unclear if you have anxiety, or your spouse does, but try to read up on it as much as you can, have as much patience as possible, and hopefully the anxious partner can "learn to be more brave" by watching the non-anxious person live their life.
Along with therapy, I read books about anxiety and online articles, and I find the free videos on YouTube to be very helpful.
You are not alone in this. As @arfie said above, online support groups can be helpful to find others who understand. That is how I found this site... I was looking for others with the same anxiety problems.
but that is me and every case is unique.
keep venting, louson
listening. . .
steadying support while you sort your own case.
What I’m gonna say is strictly just my personal point of view, experience and way of handling things: I just don’t concern myself with trying to get others to understand. It’s such a pointless. frustrating energy drain. I actually couldn’t care less if anyone understands. I don’t need that validation in order take care of myself. I have my anxiety “tool box” I refer to when I’m in the weeds of anxiety. I know myself and work on managing my stuff and that’s really all I need to concern myself with when it comes to managing my anxiety. I just don’t want my disordered thinking to become the focal point of any of my relationships. That would not only be a downer for me but for everyone else. Our worlds get quite small with anxiety (or any condition or disorder really) and I think it’s hard to see beyond that sometimes. Would it be great if everyone was 100% empathetic. Sure. But that is just unrealistic; everyone has their “stuff.”
I’m a good faker with my anxiety. It’s just kind of a coping strategy, the old fake it to you make it thing. I tend to white knuckle through it in silence. So most times my husband has no idea when I’m struggling with it. However, in those times when it starts to feel like the wheels are really about to come off, I just say, hey, I need some time to decompress. He looks at me like I have three heads because he has no idea why or what, but I’m cool with that. I don’t need his buy in or understanding to go do what I have to do for myself. He knows I’m an anxious person. But he has no idea what that feels like or looks like to me.
Sorry for babbling! I just see a lot of people struggle with wanting their loved ones to understand and I think chasing that desire can be more a distraction than a benefit. At least for me.
Peer groups like this are so much more helpful and supportive than relying on friends and family, and healthier, in my opinion.
I’m glad you are here!
Background
Wife well-functioning for 33 years of marriage, problems with a move, multiple changes which now trigger anxiety and depression. Today we had to move to another hotel preparing for a cruise.
She stayed in bed, I was with her providing reassurance, and then we had to check out. She said I don't want to go there. I went to give her Prozac and she said she didn't want to indicating she sometimes didn't take it contrary to what she told me.
1. Triggers and My lack of control
We get in the car with some difficulty and says she wants ice cream, which appears 5-6 miles away, we find a place out of the way , I slow down, and she says not there and I almost get in an accident. She then complains the area is scary, and she doesn't like the new ice cream spot, and I lose it yelling, I can't take this crap. I now realize that rushing to get out, I left lunch and now have a bad headache, and she continued to complain she doesn't want to go to the new hotel.
2. Better handling later
I then drive to a city near the hotel, and she says she will take a walk. While she had complained about her feet, she takes a spirited walk putting her in better spirits. We stop for coffee and try to relax. After an hour, we drive to the hotel, she still says no but weaker. We get there, I am calmer, and say we need to stay here to be close to the cruise, my voice is calm, but firm.
I persuade her to take an Ativan recommended by her psych for stressful situations, and she comes to the hotel in much better spirits. I offer to go to the pool with her and when she declines, take some time on my own and relax. Lessons,
A. Do no harm While you may not be able to solve your partner's anxiety, you don't want to increase it.
B. Yelling is probably not helpful. Usually anger and yelling while understandable will not solve problems, and may make the person feel worse. But saying don't yell is easier said then done, my wife's mother lived with us for 3 years, she found it hard and stressful, but I don't recall raising my voice even once.
C. Not dealing with logic My wife sometimes says she doesn't know why she does what she does, so that can be challenging.
D. Find solace in doing what you can. Bill Belichik coach of the 5 time champion Patriots, says do your job. So you're not responsible for your partner's health, as people point out here, and take solace if you're handling things competently.
E. Grab any alone time when you can get it.
F. Medication Generally you should try to work gracefully to check on medication. It can be frustrating to have someone complain of anxiety or depression and not take medication, but again, a calm approach is likely to be best as seen by what social workers and psychiatrists do.