You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Hopefully she will get weary of feeling like she does and seek help. For you, educate yourself about anxiety and depression so you can better understand it and what is happening in her mind. If she becomes suicidal, then there is a real problem. Discuss with other family members as this could very well happen. Make a plan with them for intervention, research it to see what your options are.

Be there for her. Even if she seems to resist at first. Let her know you care. She will appreciate your concern. She might feel all alone right now.

Gently suggest that she see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist.

I hope what she is feeling now is just temporary. Has she been like this in the past? Or just since the house sale fell through?

Just be there for her as much as you can without hurting yourself. Usually people come out of this but some take longer than others. Good luck.

"Just be there" is the mantra I most often use for supporting a soul in crisis. "Ears open. Mouth shut." The further I can detach from my own opinions, good intentions, research skills, etc., the easier it is for me to see/hear/feel the current and strictly personal flows and stows of the person I am trying to help.

Easy does it, Bobby. Healing is an inside job. Strictly personal. Votes of confidence that healing happens are worth more than all the expertise in the world.

Hmm…If it’s occasional down days for her, she may just eventually come out of it. If it’s been consistent and going on a while where she is no longer able to function (sounds like she can’t?) and it is taking a toll on family members, I frankly think the family needs to be really assertive and not tip toe around.

I agree you can’t force people to do something they don’t want to do but conversely family isn’t required to suffer along with her. This kind of thing drains family and takes a toll on their own emotional/mental health too. Personally, I would consult with a mental health expert on how the family might best navigate the issue, options for getting her help, etc.

Here's a different kind of suggestion.

Give her a problem that she can help with for someone else. Distract her usual pattern of thought and be focused on 'the problem she can solve'.

You can not change her response, you can change your response so her usual response no longer fits. It could get worse before it improves, however, it will change her response, which is a step.

Best wishes.

Thanks for all the comments, really appreciated. We've dealt thoroughly with possible physical causes though she persists in attributing physical causes where the doctors have deemed this a serious psychiatric problem. Yes it is my wife, but no we have never separated, though I will acknowledge some fights and periodic anger.

Dealer with someone depressed can be very hard, yes, honey, I understand, we can work with this, things will get better, but by the 6th repetition of something without any acknowledgement of constructively addressing the problem, one can get very angry. At a minimum you feel like yelling what do you want me to do.

As to history, virtually none, and in an occasional moment of calmness, she may say, I don't what happened, nothing was that bad.