Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi, first posting to this group. My boyfriend is suffering from extreme anxiety. When he has an "attack" he cuts me off and basically ghosts me for days or weeks. This is incredibly difficult for me. I am currently suffering from depression due to chronic illness and his behaviour when he ignores me triggers attacks of depression in me (as i have no way of getting in touch with him to know what is happening). I love him very much but he won't let me help him. When I feel that an episode of his is coming on, I try to be supportive and positive (I don't bother him with my issues as I can tell it worries him), but it does not seem to work. He still retreats. This last episode of his is very bad and is coupled with depression. I have no idea what to do to help him. He says he can't talk to me until he "cleans up his thinking" and that he is incredibly sad. I get the sad part, I am also incredibly sad. The thing is, he says he is incapacitated with anxiety but he still coaches his son's football team and drives his kids to school and goes to appointments etc. I do not doubt that he is having an incredibly difficult time but I don't understand why talking to me is impossible for him when he is able to function around other people. I am not a demanding person and I give him so much love and support. He always says I am his "peace", but his actions don't support those statements...I know that anxiety is not logical and so I shouldn't try to find reason/logic in his actions, but at the same time, I don't understand it at all and it is hurting me so, so much. I don't want to abandon him in this time, it seems incredibly cruel to do so and I love him very much. But he won't let me in and I have no idea what to do and I can't go on like this forever. Any advice for how to talk to him, what to ask him, what to do for him would be very appreciated.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
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"don't be a hate hole" has been one of my recent mantras which seems to be escaping my mouth more and more often. it emerges when i am faced with the endless list of chores i would rather not deal with. insurance. head lice. bureaucracy. in-laws. the list goes on and on and on and on, ad infinitum.reality checks requested. am i making sense?"ever'thin they is but loving leaves a rust on your...
Its difficult to say what to do as every person is different; try to be patient as hard as it sounds. he will eventually confide in you and speak out to you but he will only do so when he is ready. it took my partner almost 3 years to tell me the cause of his and why he is like he is. Just continue what you are doing; be there to support and let him know that when he is ready to talk to you; you will be there to listen not to judge (as a lot of the time that is why people don't talk).
I apologise as I know this doesn't help and I know how frustrated you must feel; don't give up on him just give him time.
By all mean if you want to chat just give me a message.
All the best
Amy
First, you need to put you first. Adapt your response to fit your well-being.
He is choosing his path. You choose your path.
Sometimes, depression, anxiety, and other difficult challenges force a decision where one is not ready to accept that this is a normal part of every day living for the entire family, situation, and relationship.
The facts: he goes on his daily tasks, and completes them.
The facts: your relationship is on back burner.
The facts: he fears what your relationship offers him when it gives him more than he is ready for.
So, take a moment and put yourself first.
You are not giving up on him, or yourself, by doing this. You are giving yourself a chance to see what's happening from a different view.
Best wishes.
Has he married you? Has he given you any security? Or are you just the junkie coming to his door, hoping you'll get a fix?
What's your cost/benefit analysis on this thing? Are you, on balance, being sucked dry?
Don't listen to words. They are bad news. Look at actions. Look at the man and judge him on his acts. This isn't a one way street. This isn't all about you babying him and him being a baby.
Two adults. Two adults helping each other. two way street.
Stop being so selfless. You're being used.
Being sick, I know this is a really a tough thing, but ghosting for a few weeks is not a relationship. I recommend that you talk with him about your concerns and maybe do counseling together. If continues to consume more energy from you than he is providing you, then you should consider moving-on.
I'm not making this recommendation lightly. Please be truthful with yourself about how your life will be better--with or without him. Probably 'without' is better, but 'with' is easier and more comforting while sick.
I hope this helps.