I TO FEEL DA SAME WAY BUT A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I SAID ENOUGH SLOWLY I MADE MYSELF GO OUTSIDE AN YES I FREAKED OUT SO I RAN BACK TO MY.COMFORT ZONE DA NEXT DAY I DID IT AGAIN BUT I FACED WHAT I WAS RUNNING.FROM ME MY THOUGHTS DA MONSTER INSIDE I TOOK IT SLOW DAY BY DAY AN NOW I'M ABLE TO GO OUT BUT NOT.FOR LONG BUT I UNDERSTAND U

I went through a few periods in my life where I was in the same situation as you are now. I have also felt as low and sad as you feel now. It is a very difficult place to be and also a difficult place to get yourself out of alone. Have you considered going to a therapist? I know you have a difficult time leaving your home right now but more and more therapists are becoming available on Skype and my niece actually has a therapist come to her house. This can be your first step in helping yourself get out of this dark place where you seem to be.

I am happy to read that you do go to the store which means you do get out once in a while. Like Roxanne says it's important to face the fear and do a little more each day. Great job Roxanne! It's hard to do but the more often you do it the easier it will become.

Lila, I know that feeling of invisibility so well. I lived it for years and it does cut to the core of your being. Please get help. You do not have to live like this. Please keep chatting with us here. There are lots of caring understanding people here who will not judge you and who really do want to see you get well. We don't think you are invisible.

Take care

Thank you Roxannne and LuckyEmpath... I just found this page so so recently and am so very grateful it was presented to me... The timing was so perfect... My psychiatrist is a male and due to some of the issues I am experiencing right now, I am hoping to see his nurse instead... He is an excellent doctor, but some of my behavior patterns are such that I am very ashamed... She is someone with whom I connect tremendously... I called this morning to schedule an appointment with her... There are three places I go... Walmart, Walgreens, and the gas station... That's about it... I wasn't always like this and it is frustrating how much my life changed since my mind shattered... It is very painful, very painful... But the journaling opportunity here is helping me to release some of that pain... My heart to you both...

Lila, I could have written your post . . .I have tried to force myself to join social clubs so that I will get out and interact with others and possilby form friendships for once but this is a small rural area I'm living in now so there is not much to choose from. I have my online friends who for the most part fulfill my social needs but then again I do get lonesome. I am glad there's somebody who knows how I feel!

SadieFaye,

I hear exactly what you are saying... Often times, the posts and responses I read are a complete refelction of myself...

That is why this page has been so very helpful to me...

I know now I am not alone and, more importantly, I am not judged...

My heart to you, Lila...

Hey u how r u feeling fine i Hope me well i took a walk a short.walk lol it put my mind at ease a Lil how is your anxiety coming alone r u trying to face it

Yeah Lila, my world is kind of small too. Some of my isolation issues come from living in a rural area. But a big part is depression, anxiety.

When I do go out, it's like I do a mad dash, I don't want anyone to see me, yet I'm experiencing loneliness. A while back I was shopping, and like you, I sometimes just look down, feeling like some kind of invisible yet disgusting monster. Someone said something to me, you know small talk about prices or something, and I LITERALLY looked behind me and all around because I didn't even feel human or like anybody would actually consider me a subject to even engage.

I try and do as much as I can, pushing just slightly a little farther here and there. I can't imagine that this is how we are intended to live. I agree with the previous poster about seeing a therapist. They have online therapy, and in some places they do skype as well. Even though I still have to go into an office, my doctor sees me via tele-web, basically just like skype. But to be honest, if I could skype from home, I may NEVER venture out at all. I really hate skype though, because you can see yourself and I hate the way I look!

I was feeling bad about basically being a shut in. I can get out to the shops for groceries, doctors, etc. but going out to socialize has just not been worth it. Either I'm too anxious to enjoy it or I don't feel like I fit.

What helped was realizing how MUCH I can do from home - especially with the internet. I can take classes for free on Coursera and a couple other sites. And they have boards where I can discuss things with other students from all over the world.

I can download books so I can learn good things, be inspired, laugh, etc.

With Netflix and hulu and cable, I can watch tons of different movies, tv shows, etc.

I can also buy what I need on Amazon a lot of the time so I don't have to go out hunting for something.

I love trying new recipes, trying to sew (I'm terrible at it!), knitting, etc. At home, I can draw, paint, do pottery. Right now I'm learning to play the violin with videos on You Tube and taking a French class by CD.

There are virtual book clubs, learning groups, social groups, etc. so I connect but still feel safe.

And I've found work I can do from home.

I find I feel comfortable talking on the phone and having friends over so when someone suggests getting together, I let them know I need to be home in case a delivery arrives (or whatever is going on that day) and ask if they might be willing to come by for tea.

So that I don't feel like a total shut in, I go out into the yard and sit outside - in back if I don't want to be bothered and out front if I want to wave to neighbors and maybe have them stop by for a chat.

I WISH I could hop on a plane and fly out to Hawaii when I felt like it. I'd love to go to a play or concert. I wish I could enjoy a day at the mall with friends, go out for a leisurely meal with friends...but that's not in the cards.

It pisses me off until I realize that most people have some limitations. Either mental or physical, financial or relational, etc.

I have a similar situation. I moved out of state in 2012 leaving everyone of my friends behind for a "fresh start". However as of December 2012 I lost my job and have been jobless since. I've got no friends here. It's just me and my fianc. I sit at home all day. I don't drive so I'm just kind of stuck.

Hi there! I know exactly how you feel. There was a time in my life that I wouldn't leave my home either. I felt as if I was a prisoner. I was so glad that my parents lived on the same property as I did. I went from being a Girl Scout Leader ~ PTO Member ~ Involved in a lot of school and sports activities, to doing nothing and going nowhere. It came out of the blue while I was driving one day. I felt like the shows you see on TV where they take a chisel and hammer and break the big block of ice. My whole body went to trembling and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe and was in a surreal world. To this day, I don't know why I go through the things I go through. It isn't as bad as it was, I still don't drive great distances by myself. However, I do take my little girl to school (which is only a 2 mile round trip). I used to say to myself, "that is not accomplishing anything. Yet it does, it gives you the feeling that everything is alright and you will be okay. I know things seem dark right now. Just keep talking to your therapist and you will overcome this. I know everyone is different and handles things differently, one thing that helped me was first of all, a lot of prayer. Secondly, I would look myself in the mirror and say, "you are a strong willed, beautiful, smart woman and you CAN DO THIS." You can too. I am very new to this site, yet there are some truly awesome people on here. They have helped me out a whole lot. Even when I was "just scared" or "feeling anxious". You my friend are not alone, we all love and care about you. I will remember you in my prayers daily for I know how you feel (as does everyone else on here). Take care and remember You CAN Do This. :)

Lilaolivia,

Your post was really articulate and had a certain literary beauty to it. Sometimes it's better to get in the moment with someone and ask them about your relationship with them. It almost sounds like you assume that people don't see who you are or the beauty of what you bring with you to a social relationship. When did you first know that this was an issue (if you don't mind me asking).

Thanks!