Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
my daughter, 30, had a very bad panic attack and she went to the ER the next morning and then to the doctors. these are 2 things she never does. she was so bad, it was breaking my heart hearing her tell me. every symptom and it lasted for 2 days. when she went to the doctors, all tests came back normal and the dr. said it is likely a panic attack, a very bad one. she has had slight ones before but always brushed them off. she is very angry, doesn't understand why her, there is no reason for it. I said as did the dr. that it doesn't ,atter anyone can get them and their doesn't need to be a reason why. the dr. also said she may be having PTSD from growing up, her father was killed when she was 5 and I went through a very rough time, chonric depression and anxiety and it took a very long time to get the right meds and even then I know I wasn't the best parent, I tried as hard as I could but obviously not good enough. I don't know what to say to her to help. she says she doesn't want to be like me, no offense but she will not be taking a pill the rest of her life. any suggestions??
myawesomelyfe33
Do you all have a good relationship? Will she talk to you about anything? Are you able to put the "mom" role down when/if she opens up to you and say to her what you would have wanted someone to say to you when you were going through a hard time? Allow her to be angry- she has to work through it. Have you opened up to her about how you felt when her father died and how you felt you did the best you could? She might not know and it could open a small window of communication. Maybe family therapy will also help? Good luck :)
denymckusker
I have a son 31. I divorced his father when he was 1. I was a party girl and all I did was all about me. I moved 4 hours away and became an every other weekend Mom. I did not know the profound effect it all had on him until his early 20's. I know how you feel. He tells me frequently that I will need to make it up to him when he has a baby. I will do my best. I will probably live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I should probably seek counseling. I have been thinking about doing so. I tried 5 times and the therapists just weren't right. The only thing I can do at this point is be there for him, allow him to talk to me about anything, hug him as often as I can and tell him everyday how much I love him. I can tell by your post you are a loving mother. You take care, Deny
ann54
I have always been as open to my children as they will allow, I tell them stories of how things were for me as they were there to be in it. I have apologized many times and they all say that itnis okay, you did the best you could, we love you. I am blessed in this esp. with colleen as we went through a horrible time, she was an alcoholic and was usung drugs, starting in 6th grade. the rage and anger I didn't know what to do. tried counseling but it was useless. my therapist said one day we will be friends, could be 1 or 10 years but it will happen. it has happened around the age 25. there are still some topics we steer clear of bt her opening up to me about this is big and I want to do the best for her. she is very stubborn and always wants an answer to things, this however has no answer. I will be here for her to talk, to comfort. reminding her how bad I was and how far I have come. I amjust so worried about her, I hope she doesn't shut down. thanks for the support
eshaw
Hi Ann54. It is difficult to see our children suffer with something we have experienced and want them to be protected from. It sounds like you have always done the best you can, and whether or not you made mistakes in the past, you are here to support your daughter now. Don't get stuck on blaming yourself for what you did not know how to control. The grief you felt must have been unbearable. It is remarkable you were able to function the best you could. I'm sure your daughter understands you did what you could with your circumstances. I agree with some of the other posts that perhaps opening up to your daughter about the difficulties you experienced raising children after your tragedy is a good idea. If nothing else but to validate the loss your daughter has experienced and to share that deep grief in order to support eachother in healing. Maybe you've done this already, but I think what we all hope for most is to have someone who understands our pain. It sounds like your daughter may have tried to remain strong for too long and her body is telling her its time to deal with her emotions? Maybe not, but just a thought. Let her know she's not alone and find ways to comfort her today. Yesterday no longer matters.
gramybear
It's hard to say if she has PTSD or not, but I do believe she has depression and because she said that she doesn't want to be like you, she is causing herself to have the exact same symptoms which is causing the panic attacks. She is so concerned about being "like you" as you stated, that she is causing herself to get sick and filled with anxiety. Have the two of you ever gone to Therapy together? Would she be willing to go if you can find a good therapist that deals in family matters such as yours? I think it would be beneficial for both of you. I don't think she means what she is saying to hurt you, I think she is just scared and angry. That is what needs to be discussed with a professional. She is old enough to take responsibility for what she does and how she feels and needs to stop blaming you for what is going on in her life. At some point in our lives, we need to put the blame where it belongs and that is on ourselves and not others. The past is the past and I'm sure you did your absolute best to be a good mother to her. It's time to stop the blame game and get to the bottom of what she is REALLY angry and upset about. If you ever want to talk, please let me know. Hugs GB
hyperpgal
HIya--I'm going to be the other side of the coin---I am the daughter of a mother with psychotic depression and massive GAD. I have to say that you are all marvelous for admitting that there were problems, that you may have made mistakes, that your problems may have contributed to your child's issues. I think you are wonderful for wanting to help and support your children today--your children will heal, your relationships will progress because of your attitudes. Allowing them space to voice their anger and frustration--priceless. I don't know what you did in the past, but right now you are fantastic moms. When I was younger I was very angry about things that happened when I was young--but I do know that my mother couldn't help most of what she did--anxiety, depression, alcohol and abuse run rampant through our family--I think some of it is genetic, some learned behavior. But I am ultimately responsible for myself. I saw that there was a problem, I had to get help, I had to do the work....I haven't had the support that your children have--and you should all be so proud that you are there for your children. Ann54-your daughter doesn't have to take a pill for the rest of her life--there are other ways of dealing, so many strategies, she doesn't have to go through the same things you did--esp. since you've been there and have experience you can use to help her! just be there for her--let her know that she doesn't have to deal with it alone--that you are there-if even just to listen.
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