I have been in a relationship with my partner for over 3 years. She has an 8 year old son that has been diagnosed with Add. Like any child, he manipulates at times( a ton) to get his way, lies a lot and says very hurtful and disrespectful things to me. He manipulates his mother a lot, knows exactly which buttons to push , ext.
We have asked him repeatedly what the problem is and he says everything but what's actually wrong with him. His father is in his life and sees him every weekend, and him and I get along and everything. About a year ago his dad let a woman in his life and my partners son got attached to the child because he is an only child and wants siblings, and 3 months later, they broke up and He was devastated, totally acted out and treated my partner and I horribly. He acts very spoiled, entitled and cries like a 3 year old when he gets into trouble and throws fits.
Last week in the morning, he told me to kill myself and when I offered to take him into school with an umbrella when it was raining, he said that I wasn't his mom. Ok I get that, I don't overstep my boundaries as a parental guardian. The thing is that he has told us repeatedly and in the past that he wants to live with me and doesn't want us to break up . This kid and I have a really hard time now getting along without it going south or into an argument. At first I thought, ok I'm getting in the way of him and his mother, or that he wants his mom and dad back together. My partner has asked him when they are alone many times, and he said that it's not that.
I don't have any children of my own, so I don't know what to do in these situations. I know that he grew up in a loving family and he is ver spoiled but very kind, very sensitive, but can be very aggressive. There are much worse kids so I feel horrible for even posting this but I don't know what bothers me so much about the child. I care about him and told him that I would never leave him, because the only constant he has ever had is his mother. When he was born, my partners husband( the father) at the time was in the military and they moved around a lot. When we got together he was going to a school where people would bully him a lot. My partner had a best friend that she isn't friends with anymore and Kameron was best friends with her son's and they left. I don't want to leave him or them because I love them so much, but how can this be fixed with me and that kid talking to me like that and getting away with it? I wasn't raised that way you know he thinks he can say whatever he wants because He is around adults and thinks that he can talk like an adult. I have said some hurtful things to him too as I know that an argument goes both ways, but he is almost impossible. He never listens to me and ignores me sometimes and I just don't know what the he'll to do. I love my partner so much and can't imagine life without her, but this is so difficult. At 8, he does not like to get anything for himself, doesn't clean up his mess. He does one chore a day and I think that's great, but how much is too much? I am in counseling and they have an appointment for family counseling for him as well. What's to be done?
Years ago, I was a member of several groups on dailystrength, most of which were so helpful and life saving to me at that time. I recently joined a couple new groups based on where I am in my life now. I have to say, I'm really not impressed. No harm, no foul, but I really feel the need to post this and point out that when someone is seeking out support, the first responses should probably not be...
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