Hi,
Ok so I am a person who used to say that I don't get mad, or well not easily. That's not true, what I have been doing is keeping it inside and when couldnt anymore i cried. Or maybe its more frustration....anyhow

I have been depressed for 11 years and a year ago I finally started therapy and to work my way out of it. It was like the depression had turned off my feelings, after a while all of a sudden i felt a lot. and a new feeling that I wasnt used to, anger or rage even.

It was new to me. It didnt feel like me. I hadnt allowed myself that feeling for so long. It still doesn't feel like me.

Problem is that is like i never learned how to handle the feeling of anger my only outlet for it was crying. Until now.

When I'm alone i can scream, hit my hand in the wall, slam doors and well things have broken. ok. A mirror, my couch (I kicked the end so hard it detached), things Ive thrown. Ive had rages where i just throw everything down, i even throw chairs. When i get mad all i want to do is take something, preferably something fragile, and throw it. and see it break. That feeling, that impulse is how i even know that I am angry.
I have a problem with defining my feelings but im getting better. If i feel the urge to throw or kick i know im angry.

Thing is that I dont want to throw things or kick or slam. But it's like i when i get to a certain point i dont know what else to do. It has to come out.

Basically, the point of this rant is that Im looking for advice on things I can do instead, how do I handle anger in a better way?

Im scared because I have always been able to control my feelings, which i cant anymore. Control myself.. what if i have a fit when someone is around?

tc
M