Hi, I am that guy. I am 21, and I joined today because I realize this is a serious problem with me. A couple of friends comforting his friend about his asshole of an ex. Hearing him describe this terrible person and telling his friend to leave him because he deserved better. Their conversation made me realize that assholes are real and they're out there. He described me, and I am now going to admit it, first to myself, I am an asshole. Everything they talked about and everything your post described, is me to the T. So I think the first step for me is to admit i have a problem. I love my significant other and I know they deserve better. I know I should not keep blowing up like I do, you don't deserve it. I'd say hurtful things or do things I immediately regret the second after, but am helpless, unable to take it back and always escalate things, til it's a mess.

Unfortunately heightened anger/anxiety/stress due to a TBI is not the same as a regula Anger Management Problem. This is a result of your husbands Brain Injury, it's not something he can control, it's the brain reacting to heightened chemical levels when stress or anxiety or anger have become increased. Its hard to tell exactly what causes it, it can be various situations, the main way to control it is through medications, i.e. anti-anxiety medications specifically.

When my now ex-husband had his TBI in 1998 I was 6 mo.'s pregnant with our 2nd son. He was an excellent dad loved his boys, and with our first son, was very hands on, very involved, loved being with the baby, crying and all never bugged him much. Totally different experience with the 2nd baby. When our son was born, intellectually he'd made it back to about a 13 yr. old, but any amount of increased stress or anxiety set him off like a rocket. He couldn't handle it at all. If the baby cried for a minute he'd be pacing, irritated, anxious, and getting angry by the second demanding it stop, demanding it be made to stop. And it went both ways, our newborn could not stand to be with his dad. Newborns read stress and anxious like a scientific tool, and the baby would start crying and become irritable every time his dad picked him up or tried to hold him. It was a nightmare situation.

The only thing that helped the Anger issues was medication and long term Therapy and Neuro-pschylogical Therapy. They have to learn how to manage stress, anxiety and things that ramp the anger and then learn to physically adjust when it's brought to their attention that it's a problem or that they need to calm down. It takes time, and it takes someone willing to learn to gain control of their emotions again. Without the proper Therapy it's not an easy task unfortunately.