Anger Management Support Group
Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.
I hold my anger in because I don't want my co-workers to know what a loose cannon I am and because my husband has put up with my depression for 36 years and I don't want him to know that I've added uncontrollable anger to my roster of personality woes. Unfortunately, that only causes the anger to explode out later, usually at some poor unsuspecting stranger. I should amend that by saying my husband does know I'm having issues with anger but he just doesn't know how bad it is
I had a road rage incident a couple of weeks ago and I was the aggressor. And I wanted a fight. I pulled into a parking lot and jumped from my car to confront this poor woman and it scared her so bad she turned around and left. I'm lucky she did because I had no idea if she was bigger than me or if she might have had a weapon. I'm an old married lady with grandkids for heavens sake!
I've thrown tantrums at home when hubby is out of the house to try and get the anger out. Screaming and throwing things. Resisting breaking something or putting a hole in a wall is TOUGH!
Today I got very angry with a co-worker, and really it was an unreasonable anger, but it welled up inside and I held it in. By lunch I was so mad I was in tears. I have actually called my husband to come pick me up after work because I'm afraid to drive with this anger in me.
I'm pretty scared. Never sought therapy and doing so will let my family and co-workers know what bad shape I'm in, but I really think I'm in trouble.
I should also add that I started with a new PCP who diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder a month ago. He did this after one 30 min. visit with me where he had me take some test. He prescribed Depakote and it's NOT working. In fact I'm feeling worse. He also did not tell me of that particular diagnosis. I saw it when I received a bill from him for my co-pays. Pretty sh***y if you ask me. I'm 53. Shouldn't bipolar have shown up sooner than now??
I'm sorry this is too long and I expect no one here to read it all, but I had to put my feelings and fears down.
I had a road rage incident a couple of weeks ago and I was the aggressor. And I wanted a fight. I pulled into a parking lot and jumped from my car to confront this poor woman and it scared her so bad she turned around and left. I'm lucky she did because I had no idea if she was bigger than me or if she might have had a weapon. I'm an old married lady with grandkids for heavens sake!
I've thrown tantrums at home when hubby is out of the house to try and get the anger out. Screaming and throwing things. Resisting breaking something or putting a hole in a wall is TOUGH!
Today I got very angry with a co-worker, and really it was an unreasonable anger, but it welled up inside and I held it in. By lunch I was so mad I was in tears. I have actually called my husband to come pick me up after work because I'm afraid to drive with this anger in me.
I'm pretty scared. Never sought therapy and doing so will let my family and co-workers know what bad shape I'm in, but I really think I'm in trouble.
I should also add that I started with a new PCP who diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder a month ago. He did this after one 30 min. visit with me where he had me take some test. He prescribed Depakote and it's NOT working. In fact I'm feeling worse. He also did not tell me of that particular diagnosis. I saw it when I received a bill from him for my co-pays. Pretty sh***y if you ask me. I'm 53. Shouldn't bipolar have shown up sooner than now??
I'm sorry this is too long and I expect no one here to read it all, but I had to put my feelings and fears down.
I appreciate you sharing your experience. I don't see you asking specifically for advice here, but I did have a few things to share that might be helpful. Please only read further if you actually want advice.
Bipolar as a diagnosis is thrown around quite freely these days. It usually shows up in adolescence but can manifest in middle age as our ability to subconsciously "maintain" and cover things up diminishes. It is, however, not diagnosable in 30 minutes - there is no test that can diagnose bipolar disorder. I would get a second opinion from a psychiatrist, not a PCP.
Bipolar or not, I'm afraid there are no fast results from any medication, and yes, some can make it worse. There is no pill that makes all of this just go away. I wish there were.
I only know what you have said here, but I from your description I believe what you are experiencing is rage rather than anger. I have read that rage is an emotional regression into the past, while anger is simply an emotion dealing with things happening in the present. Uncontrolled, disproportional anger is rage, which by definition implies that it is based in much older repressed feelings. My therapist calls it "emotional disregulation". My wife calls it a rage addiction, which seems more tangible.
For me at least, mindfulness meditation - becoming more aware of my emotional state from minute to minute - and regular exercise have worked far better than any medication.
There are two books which have helped me tremendously and which I would recommend. One is "The Anger Solution" by John Lee. The other is "Anger Work" by Robert Puff. I would also suggest talking honestly with your husband about it if that is an option. Talking about it takes the creepy mystique out of it.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the best on your journey
elwood
elwood, I too felt that a diagnosis of bipolar was 1. not something that could be decided in 30 min. time and 2. should not be diagnosed by my PCP.
gramybear, yeah, I thought it was crappy not to tell me he had diagnosed me as bipolar. He changed one of my meds at that visit. I was taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro and he said Depakote would do a better job of "leveling my moods". and took me off the Lexapro. He made this decision based upon a questionnaire he had me fill out. Several of the questions were about anger. Never once did he even utter the word bipolar nor did the questionnaire have any mention of it.
As it turns out, I won't be seeing him again as my insurance changes, tomorrow as a matter of fact, and he's no longer 'In Network'.
elwood, it is absolutely rage rather than just anger. At least it feels closer to rage. Thanks for the book suggestions. I will check them both out. You are right that I wasn't exactly asking for advice, yet I was reaching out I guess. The road rage incident woke me to the fact that I am in trouble.
gramybear, I too have thought the Depakote is making it worse. I've been on 1000mg and am thinking to taper down to 500 mg until I can see someone qualified to treat this rage/bipolar or whatever.
Thanks again to you both and to SilentMaid. I'll be looking for a therapist or should I look for a psychiatrist on Monday.
Thank you gramybear. I will check back. Happy New Year to you!
I read the whole thing and I am glad you're reaching out for help. I'll share my experience.
After years of battling anger, I've come to a conclusion that anger is unacceptable for me and that is the bottom line. It's that simple and I believe it could be for you as well if you try it.
The more I focus on peace the more I dislike anger. I'm not saying I really ever "liked" being angry, but I am saying I did get feelings from it that made things more bearable for a while. For instance I was a person who punched things to deal with his anger. I'm looking at my hand right now and it's actually normal looking without a huge bump or swell on my outer knuckle for once.
The point is I've reached a level of consciousness where anger is a cancer for me. It took desperation and sacrifice but it was well worth it.
Another thing is it might not be a good thing to assume your co-workers will find you "strange" or abnormal for trying to address your anger problem.
A lot of anger came from my own unwillingness to accept my life, my situation, who I was, and how the world wasn't going to change no matter how angry I was or would get. I sought acceptance and to be a part of things rather than to see it all as a difference. Amazingly I more and more felt more secure in my vulnerability and feelings of comfort and ease followed.
I also had to realize my anger had consequences like hurting others feelings or going to jail. I found I had a choice rather to get angry or not, a very real choice that if made wisely empowered me.
After I admitted and really felt that anger was unacceptable and took me farther away from enjoying society than finding happiness within, I changed.
I'll pray for you and I wish the best for you, stay strong and keep having faith.