i understand what your saying, but at that age he not really going to listen anyway. But babying him doesn't help either. Try to put him in time out,, take his favorite toy or you can give him 2 smacks on the butt when does something wrong because now you can go to jail using a belt. He young, but he knows better. Good luck, dont make him scared of you, but dont me him acted like your not his father.

DO NOT HIT THE CHILD! Hitting children is unacceptable and severely damaging. Why do you think half of us are here in the first place? ESPECIALLY do not hit the child in an erogenous zone (which the buttocks IS). The chances of fucking him up sexually are pretty high and it is NOT worth the risk. That child depends on you. Hitting your child is not anger management. Hitting your child will not teach him to be "good." It will teach him things, like that he can't trust you, that you're dangerous, that you don't value him, that he's "bad"... but it will not teach him positive things and it is VILE.

Sorry, Judestar is correct. Hitting or spanking the child will make him scared of you. If you try talking to him, telling him no without so much much anger in your voice, soon you'll have a great connection with him. He'll look up to you.

I would like to know where anyone gets that I have or will ever hit my son from my post? There is nothing there that indicates that I hit my son. Do I spank...yes I do, and if you think I'm a bad parent to spank, well then this group is not for me. I spank my son but I have never hit him nor will I ever, but I will punish him. I think it's people who don't punish their children is the one's that have the worse problems with their kids when they are teenagers, etc. That is the whole problem with teenagers with attitudes.....their parents let them do whatever they want and give them whatever they want. I will continue to punish my children, and if it makes anyone mad then so be it.

When it came to me just sitting my child down and talking to him as a person help. He learn what was right and what was wrong he knows it safe to share his feeling. You do not want him walking on eggs shells around you. My brother child was like that. One thing you need to do is talk to your wife and maybe a family theriphst. It is hard for a child to know right from wrong or what is expected of him when he has two people trying to different ways. Maybe your wife can stop babying him and you can stop yealling and agree to give him time out. Let him know when he is doing something wrong but most of all try to get him to understand why it is wrong.

Your post did not make me think that you hit your child. There is a difference between dicipline and punishment. I also agree with you on spanking as long as it is not done in anger. Abuse is more what makes people have anger issues. But most people have lived to survive a spanking and no one can blame anger issues on a spanking. Thats part of the reason children these days act so badly. A certin amount of fear of concequences from a parent is healthy and will keep your child out of prison. Dont leave the group there is so much help here. Good luck.

jao683 I think replay #2 over reacted to what he said from what he read in reply#1 Then repley# 3 agree with # 2 . I agree with you, you should never hit a child, spanking I think that is still ok. I was spank alot and I turn out ok. Ok I here some of yall saying if I turn out ok why am I one here. My issues has to do with others things that you will find out about if you read thoes post. I also do believe a lot of the teens are out of control becauce they never had a smack on their dapier. I think it depends on the child. Some kids all you have to do is raise your voice and they will listen. Others need a little smack. They need to know who is in charge and who the boss is. Howevery you and your wife need to get on the same page before you can help your son. Good luck and keep us posted

Also when you angry at your child ask your self this question. Are you really mad at him or are you angry at your wife. Yelling also scars a child. That why when he doing something wrong you need to try and talk to him and not yell at him there is a different. For exp, Say you child name is casey. You could go into his room and yell casey why are you alway doing things to piss me off. You could say casey come here baby (baby sounds sweet and not threathing) Have him sit on you lap and say Casy when you throw the ball in the house it makes daddy made. Son I really do not want you to do that anymore because you can break something and hurt your self. Then let him know if he does it again his ball will be taken away for a day. You have to remember he is only five and probably will forget so you will have to tell him over and over, but do it by talking to him not yealling at him.

"Spanking" is hitting. It doesn't make me "mad" that you assault your small child, it makes me intensely sad. I actually came on this board in hopes of venting my anger at people who defend or practice the hitting of children... but your post made me realize I'm not angry at all. Just full of pain for the suffering of small, defenseless persons who are routinely assaulted by adults many times their size, "for their own good." I have not yet come to terms with the abuse I suffered at my parents hands, and I feel deep, terrible sorrow for the victims who are still living in that hell. And yes, striking a child on the buttocks and calling it "spanking" is assault, it is violence, it is cruel, it is damaging, it is entirely inappropriate. I don't think you're a bad parent. I think you're a parent who does not yet comprehend the danger of striking children. I recommend this site http://nospank.net/ for resources on the dangers of assaulting children, and for information on how to parent without resorting to violence.

Judestar...I would like to let you know that spanking is not abuse, and unless your in my (our) shoes...and which you aren't because you don't have any kids...you don't know what any of us are going through..so don't pretend you do. Please forgive me for saying this, you might be messed up because you weren't punished the correct way, maybe your parents abused you instead of spanking, etc.

Thanks everyone else who replied to my post, I am leaving this group because I will not sit here and be treated disrespectful on how I treat

Sorry you feel you need to leave this group because you don't like what you hear. I know my mom had major anger issues and she often told me she was terrified of spanking me because she was not sure once she started she could ever stop.
That being said many people with anger issues do have a tendency to strick in anger, and that is why some cationed about "spanking" a 5 year old.
I also think there is a difference between a swat on the butt and a spanking. I metion this because you got so defensive about some people actually commenting on your post, When you asked for suggestions on how to control your temper.
Instead of running out and away from issues such as this simple post. answer without being defensive.
Maybe you give a swat on the butt and say I said no! or maybe you get upset and take off your belt and teach him how to behave correctly...I hope not... but you did not clearify.
Please understand when anger issues are together with discipline of tiny children there is cause for concern. Not just to you but all of us.
Even worse than physically spanking/hitting your child is verbal abuse. That old saying sticks and stones stuff is bull..those words hurt and can not be taken back. At that young age the screaming, yelling and verbal abuse will scar him more than anything.
Before you react to your son, take a deep breath, remember he is innocent and you love him...that will give you time to word your comments better and help you from not yelling.
Sure hope things get better, good luck and God bless

Very well said linda and I was prepared to defend my opinon on spanking. But point blank, of you have strong anger issues that result in lack of self control you should NEVER raise your hand to anyone, child or adult. We are all here on a journey to learn how to live in peace.....how can we do this unless we tame every urge. I do think that sound minded people can pop thier children if needed. I dont know who among us here is that person. I vow now to not ever raise my hands in anger. But I am wondering if the original poster is a man with an anger issue or just at his wits end when it comes to his childs behavior. I welcome all to this board and try to be nice because I need this as my safe haven. Maybe he could stay here with us and try one of the family issues/ parenting boards. To the poster who was abused, and I could feel your pain in every word you typed, I am sorry for what you have had to go thru. I hope all your wounds heal quickly. But please try and understand that some people can pop a child on the hand and stop there. it doesnt have to be about hurting, it can only be to get the childs attention. It is not the best way, I agree there. But its not abuse in every situation. Love and peace to you all.

I think that even spanking that isn't particularly aggressive is dangerous because it teaches children that their bodies are not theirs. They have no control over what is done to them. Having a private part of your body hit even relatively gently is embarrassing and humiliating a child is psychologically damaging. The goal of guiding a child isn't to make them feel worthless, it's to show them a better way. Spanking doesn't show a better way, it shows that when you're upset it's ok to hit other people if you're bigger and you have power. Children don't know how to handle their emotions or how to express themselves or even to understand their feelings without guidance. They need help, y'know? And even if it's a situation where a child seems to be being annoying just to be annoying, there's a question there that's more important than controlling him/her. There's the question of why he/she feels the need to do that. Perhaps they're just exploring, but maybe there's something more. Maybe they have an unmet need. And I think it's a very stunting thing to do to teach a child they must do exactly what adults wish, or else. They don't get a chance to explore in a safe environment when adults are a source of danger. It's not healthy for the people you look up to for everything you need to be scary. Blind obedience isn't really all it's cracked up to be.

Im not leaving the group by what was said here on the discussion thread. Im leaving because Im getting emails about it and not really getting support, but also, people are misunderstanding what I am saying. I NEVER HIT MY CHILD. Yes, I do spank and I dont care what anyone says...spanking is not abuse, there is a difference. I child needs to know what is right and wrong, and Im sorry simply putting them in time out or taking a toy away, etc does not work...we have tried this so many times I can't even count. So for those of you who think that Im abusing my child....then so be it. Im not mad or anger at any of the posts...but it appears to me and a few other people that have read this post....there hasn't been one single thing said that is positive, but yet this is suppose to be a support group, go figure.

The morals and values of today are a far cry from yester year. I think parents are raising kids without much consequences and you are absolutely right the children need to know right from wrong and be brought up with good old fashioned morals and values.
I have had anger issues since I was a child. I never expressed it around my family, but rather I would hurt myself as an outlet.
I would hit a wall, or hit, or pinch myself.
As I grew older I was a person who if provoked to the point of tears I would black out in rage. One day as a teenager a girl swung me around and clocked me in the nose, then said oh sorry thought you were someone else...too later I was gone. The next thing I knew someone was pulling on me and I turned to swing and saw a police officer. I had the girl on the pavement pounding her head on the cement. I realized that day I had to get my anger under control.I had nearly killed this girl.
I still struggle with spouts of anger. When my son was little I had such a hard time with him not minding and noise. I expected when I said no I meant no and I expected him to mind. I did try swatting him, but I found he would act out more. So I started just using more communication. I would threaten to use a wooden spoon, he was scared enough of the thought that if on the very rare occassion I threatened he straightened up.
I also remember yelling at him "SHUT UP" or "I TOLD YOU...."
Then one day after using this effective communication tool, he asked me why I did not like him very much. This broke my heart because I love him more than anything in the world.
I found it was other things like finaces, work, or just things not going right in a day that was making me angry and I was taking it out in him.
I have learned not to lash out at my loved ones, but I will still get to the point of frustration and almost break things when they wont cooperate. Like trying to get something out from somewhere, or opening something etc.
I hope you look at the world around you and see if there is not something else causing your anger and your son is just there like the last straw for you and your anger comes out.
Have you and you wife considered counseling? Sounda like you guys have issuse with each other and the baby is in the middle.
I do not think you are a bad father. I think you are a very caring loving father who wants only the best for his son and wants him to succeed in lfe by having beem raised properly.
Soon I think you will see this frustration and yelling start with your son, I know my son started to act like me after a while...not a pretty sight.
I also learned that when you yell at someone or someone yells at you. The first thing that happens is that our ears close.
First get down to his level, look him in the eyes, say when you ....... this upsets daddy because.... tell him why, and how it makes you feel when he does not acknwoledge you, then tell him what you want instead, then say if you keep doing this , this is the consequence.
When I used this tool of communication three to four line
it was exteemely effective.
Hope some of this helps.
Good luck and God bless